News > Culture > Talking Cameras: the Downside of Having Anonymous Sex in Public

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MONDAY NOVEMBER 19 2007 8:00 PM

Talking Cameras: the Downside of Having Anonymous Sex in Public

Tags: Sex on the beach, cameras,

I guess that whole "engaging in sex with a stranger in the dark" thing isn't as risk-free as I'd thought.

The county is exploring the idea of installing "talking" cameras at several of the public beaches to ward off or catch people engaged in public sex.

"I'm all for it," said Commission Chairman Michael DiTerlizzi, who first proposed putting Web cams at beaches after several recent arrests of men soliciting men for sex at county beaches. "Anything that deters that kind of activity is going to be good."

FlashCAM devices sense motion and then flash a bright light, said David Graham, assistant to County Administrator Duncan Ballantyne.

So it's like a photobooth! With sand. And crabs. And crabs. Do people still get crabs? Can we actually credit "the Brazilian" with eliminating an STD?

After being activated, the cameras issue a pre-recorded verbal warning to let people know they are under surveillance, Graham said.

Yes, a "pre-recorded verbal warning," aka the most terrifying noise on Earth. Holy shit, that sounds scary. A creepy robot voice jumping out of the dark silence. "ATTENTION!!!! YOU ARE BEING RECORDED. PICK UP WHATS LEFT OF YOUR ERECTION AND DEPART IMMEDIATELY!"

I guess at this point, they might as well have fun with it. Have the machine emit a "wooing" sound effect. Maybe some audience applause. An old man clearing his throat. A guy saying, "Mind if I jump in there?"

Sixty seconds later, they start recording.

Sixty seconds? Who's making love here, triathletes? At 45 seconds I'm done, on my feet, and watching my partner brush sand out of their crotch.

The cameras, which the California company of Q-Star Technology makes, are solar powered and can be connected to light poles or even trees along the shores, Graham said.

Solar powered... Thank God these creepy cameras, transmitting live footage of gay sex to cops all across Florida, are good for the environment.

The cameras cost about $5,500 each, said Graham, who said he hopes to make a recommendation to county commissioners within a couple weeks.

Martin County Economic Development Council Executive Director Tammy Simoneau questioned whether public sex crimes, or other types of crimes at the beaches, are frequent enough to spend money on buying and maintaining cameras.

"The solution may be may be more expensive than the crime," she said.

If only there were some way to make money with hundreds of hours of footage of men having sex. Damn, that's too bad... maybe a bake sale?

DiTerlizzi said he probably would support the idea and he suggested equipping the cameras so that once they are activated, 911 dispatchers can watch them and call deputies if they see trouble.

"Hi Carl, we know you've been with us here at 911 for quite some time, and we're happy to have you aboard... I just had a few questions, it says your feed became active at 9:03 p.m., right when the sexual incident in question began and yet you didn't notify deputies until 45 minutes later when your co-worker walked in and discovered you looking, his words, "disheveled and out of breath."

The logistics of wiring all beaches for continuous broadcasting to the Internet would be difficult, Graham said. A county worker would use a computer to go to the beaches and download footage from the camera, he said.

Why does this sound like a five minute hack job for an industrious college kid? A kid who later that day will loudly, and with tear-filled eyes, scream, "Dad? You're supposed to be at work!" While staring into his soon to be smashed monitor.

TheCoolerKing thinks it'd be hilarious if they gave the talking-cameras the voice of Barry White.

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Comments

Formus

Milwaukee, WI

May 2007

NOV 19, 2007 08:09 PM

TheCoolerKing said:
Sixty seconds? Who's making love here, triathletes? At 45 seconds I'm done, on my feet, and watching my partner brush sand out of their crotch.

Whoa! A self-deprecating joke about how quick you are in bed? That one blew me straight off my feet! Here I was, reading this, thinking to myself what a ho-hum article it was, and then whammo. Uncharted comedic territory right there. Genius.