Seriously, check out the book: there's a full chapter on precisely how that idea--that adoptive kids go to loving well-off suburban families--got perpetuated, and why.

(Of course, sometimes they do; but the point is that isn't necessarily 'better" for the kids, and it sure as hell isn't neutral for the moms.)

I actually found this article to be a very interesting read. Most of my family comes from adoption. My grandmother *maternal* was one of 7 adopted kids. To put a point on some of the upsides of adoption I grew up in a very multi-racial family because of all the adoptions, mostly mixed with alot of cultures from the south pacific.

But the truth is, and this goes with the article above, Ive often wondered how my biological great grandmother felt about the adoption. I know that she was in the military back then and was shipped off to a house for unwed mothers like everyone else, and to stay in the military she was forced to give my grandma up for adoption. The same thing applies for my step mother, who was placed for adoption in the exact same manner.

The quotes from the book above about the feeling of losing a child is exactly what I had been wondering, that they felt that way. Without a doubt I know that is how I would feel about leaving a child in the adoption network.

There are days when I seriously wish I could have permission to go digging for the records to find my blood related relatives. If anything just to let them know their children did very well for themselves and to show them the family lines that flowed forth from them.

Great article. I never understood how people can assume giving a kid up for adoption would be easier than abortion. I've never done either, but it seems like carrying a child for 9 months and then birthing it, then shipping it off would be far more traumatizing than termination within the first few months.

I do think adoption can be a "gift," however. I guess it depends on how you look at it. Some children do get placed into loving homes of decent parents who desperately want a little one but cannot conceive. I've seen a few cases of this, and yes, it is a "gift," a miracle, good fortune...whatever. That's the thing about adoption... it's the luck of the draw, which is what's so hard on the birth moms - the uncertainty.

I cant stand her atricles but i even think that uncalled for. I was actually informed this time ..

I'm an adoptive parent (I'm sterile). My daughter is now 7, and as she grows up her questions about the circumstances of her birth and her birth mother are changing and growing more insightful.

We know that there are times she will have difficulties with it. All we can do is be honest and open, which we've been since day one (she was 5 months old when we adopted her). From all that we know about her birth mother she was not coerced; she had already raised a family and got pregnant from a casual encounter. Culturally abortion wasn't an option for her, she worked with an agency, got medical care throughout her pregnancy, and her daughter went right into foster care.

The stories of what happened here in the US,and elsewhere, to young woman who were forced into giving up their babies are sad, bordering on criminal. But that does not mean that adoption cannot be a great benefit to all concerned. It's not for everyone, but I thank God every day for my daughter.

While I understand one woman's, (or many womens') opinion or feeling that abortion gives them more peace than adoption, I think it should be first and foremost about the child's best interest not the mothers feelings about which is easier, or less hard, maybe it should be put that way. but I guess that's the debate over abortion anyways..

However I competely disagree with and am saddened by the whole church taking your baby thing. If a woman (or girl, even) wants to keep thier baby, then neither abortion or adoption should be pushed on them. duh.

roe vs wade was in 1973...assuming by the title "...In the decades before roe vs wade" the stories of these women come from the 50's and 60's....their stories are tragic, and those who are unfamiliar with history and doomed to repeat it...however it is now late 2007...can you please add relevant information about todays times? is this article suggesting that this form of pressure still exists today? that women are persuaded not to have abortions if unwed and pregnant and give their child up to adoption by a 'better family.'
Out of all the writers on this site, I have a respect for you, in that you do not use belittling humour in your articles, you tend to present bare bone facts and realities and call a spade a spade...however I cannot clearly see whether this article is a lament for how things used to be or a reflection of what is currently happening in society?

I think obviously the social pressure women were under back then is much lessened, but I don't think it's gone. And from what I've observed in people who've placed kids for adoption, even if they think they are doing the right thing and really don't have any other options, it's still just excruciating. I can't imagine that placing a child for adoption wouldn't be something that would be terribly traumatizing, even if it was the best possible option in the world.

And I'm not trying to crap on adoptive parents, god knows. I would expect most adoptive parents to have nothing but empathy, love, and appreciation for birth parents.

I absolutely agree with this - the pressure may not be quite as bad as it was in the past, but it is definitely still there. I got pregnant at a young age, and I can't count the number of people who assumed I would either give the baby up or abort - there was a lot of pressure to do one or the other. Thank God for my Mom, she was the best support system I ever could have asked for.

I cannot even fathom what a horribly difficult decision it would be for a parent to choose between adoption, abortion, or keeping a child. The only thing that I am sure of, is that it is not my right to place limitations on the decisions of others in that regard.

I read everything, and all I can think is "They spelled 'kidnapped' wrong".

I don't always agree with your articles, but this was very interesting. I'll have to find the book.

I have to say that this was an interesting read, being adopted myself that is. My birth mother lived with my (current) parents for a large portion of her pregnancy after being kicked out of the house by her own parents and after her boyfriend left her. She was 18, and against abortion, and my parents had no way of having their own child, yet they wanted one more than anything. I suppose they were all lucky in that sense - my birth mother knew the parents I was going to and trusted them and knew they could give me a better, more fulfilling life than she could at the time. I know I am one of the lucky ones. Sometimes, I wonder though if she ever thinks about me...cause like someone else stated a few comments back, I am also always aware of being adopted, as much as I love my parents. I'm really considering finding her one day.

Sounds like an interesting read.

Here in Australia there was the forced adoption of indigenous babies, 'the stolen generation' - a terrible chapter in our short history.

Without denegrating that at all, roughly 4x as many white 'unwed' women had their children 'coerced' into adoption - this was done, as you say, with blank pieces of paper and use of the newly found barbiturates.

I'm adopted(as is my Sister) and I have contacted my Birthmother.

It's an incredibly awkward thing to be. My Parents were open and honest with me about my being adopted and while I am grateful to them for that It still tends to be a large part of my identity as a person.

It's Kinda like my Life was one throw of the dice. I could have been Kept, Aborted, or given to another family very easily. And I'd've have become a different person(or not one at all) instead.

My Biological mother is a wonderful person, and I find my biological half-sisters to be simply wonderful, but every time I get a chance to see them it's almost painful.

I'm being confronted with everything I might be, and everything that could happen to me. There is so much kindness and acceptance in their family, but also what seems to be a pervasive fear of commitment. Qualities that I find engendered in myself.

The whole Nature Vs. Nurture argument gathers much weight when I'm around these people who happen to look a lot like me. I'm so much like them despite never truly being of them. And Being around them I feel powerless to change who I am.

And as for the other side of the argument; the Nurture. It frightens me to think of how I could have turned out with another family. Hell, I could've been a doctor, or I could of been dead(I had medical problems as an infant, my Adoptive Mom[God Rest Her Soul] figured out what was wrong and saved me). Then again, I might be the same naive, fucked-up person I am today, just in a different neighborhood.

It is something I've never completely come to terms with, and I've had it comparatively easy. My Sister will never contact her Biological parents because there are no records. She feels abandoned and spited by her biological mother and her country of birth.

I had an Ex-Girlfriend who's father went through a lot of grief when, 53 years old, he discovers he's adopted and that his entire natural family is dead. "It's like I've been robbed of my identity and never realized".

Well, on the plus side, at least I never yelled at my dad: "You're Not my Real Dad". Because y'know, He is.

EDIT:: Oh, and Damn you people! I came to this site for the Bewbs, and I find myself getting into deep personal discussions about matters of consequence. For Shame!