This story regarding Disneyland's "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride was released on Wednesday.

That report was followed by this one earlier today, which attempts to put the claim in perspective.

Not exactly a denial. Whether it's true or not, it seems clear that this is something people would like to do.

And this blogger claims the the problem is not only real but disgustingly out of hand.

This seems like an odd way for Disney fans to go about things. I mean, clearly, the best way to get human remains into the "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride is not to cremate the body but rather to dress your dead buddy up like a pirate, drape him in gold jewelry, arrange him in a typically buccaneer-like pose, and wait for rigor mortis to set in.

Then you're only one sloppily executed Weekend at Bernie's-style ruse away from rolling your pal off the raft and into a suitable "chasing women with poultry," display. Perfect!

I guess this is where not giving a fuck about what happens to me after I die really comes in handy. The risk/reward here is dicey at best. Ideally, you end up spending eternity getting gawked at by dumpy, mouth-breathing tourists. Worst case scenario, you get vacuumed up by a 16-year old park employee and dropped into an Anaheim dumpster. Not exactly win-win.

The story mentions that the ash sprinkling got its start at the "Haunted Mansion," attraction. I'm not a huge believer in ghosts but the build-up of years and years of dead people's remains having been tossed into that house can't be great for keeping a place un-haunted.

I mean, how many corpses would it take to flip that place from fun ride to actual walking nightmare of undead agony? My guess would be, any number over ten. Indian graveyards are bad news and some of them must've been on the small side. Especially with the ones who moved around a lot. The Apaches and the... uh... those other guys, too.

The worst part is, no one would ever believe you. That's a horrific lot in life. "Nutball who claims he saw ghosts inside the ghost ride." That's a step above calling PETA and urging them to rescue the flying elephants you spotted being forced to carry children around in a circle all day.

Eventually, after enough people claimed to have seen ghosts, they'd have to create a book of ghost mugshots featuring all the "fake" Disney-sanctioned spirits from the ride. Guests would be asked to go through the book, describing and then checking off the phantoms they saw. If you reach the end of the book and there's still no sign of "Gary, the pleated, khaki shorts-wearing investment banker from Des Moines-ghost," who expressed a desire to "haunt" your vagina, they call in the professional exorcists...

Nobody wants that, right?




TheCoolerKing knows you're going to call him crazy, but he doesn't care. On his last visit to the Haunted Mansion, towards the end of the ride, he believes he witnessed a grim spectre appear in the cart alongside him. He's never told this to another soul...