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  • SATURDAY NOVEMBER 17 2007 12:00 PM

Scott Ian's Food Coma: Fuck Olive Garden

Traveling the world as I do (wandering Jew) I get to sample all kinds of cuisine. I’m no Anthony Bourdain (love him) or Andrew Zimmern (not so much) but I won’t shy away from the unknown. Local customs and regional cuisine are what I seek out when I’m out in the territories.

I avoid the American or any chain restaurants (with the exception of In-N-Out here in the West) at all costs. Nothing confuses and irks me more than people eating at Johnny Rockets in Japan or the fucking Olive Garden anywhere.

It irks me.

There’s a giant Olive Garden in NYC on 6th Ave right in midtown. NYC has 8,000 good Italian restaurants. Shit, Mario Batali and Joe Bastianich have nine absolutely stunning restaurants (there’s going to be a whole column about these geniuses very soon.) Why wouldn’t you take five minutes and find a place that you’ll remember forever? A great meal can be like great sex. Do you hate great sex?

There are infinity pizza places and even the worst are better than OG. Do I need to keep hammering this point? The horse is dead and the stick is broke. There’s no reason to eat at a chain. I hear stories about American bands touring Europe and only eating McDonald’s. That’s it. Maybe KFC. That is so fucking retarded. I have utter contempt for that. It makes your band suck even more.

I heard a story about Gene Simmons of Kiss (does anyone not know that?) from a few years ago that relates (kinda not really, it’s just a good story and I love Gene) to this. He was out on tour and was out on a night off with a recent Miss America. One of the techs that work for the band saw him go back to his room with her. A few nights later the same tech sees Gene getting in the hotel elevator with what was not Miss America. She wasn’t even Miss Hemet. The next day the tech sees Gene at the gig and asks him why he was with fatty last night when he was with Miss America the other night. Gene’s reply: “You can’t eat filet mignon every night, sometimes you have to eat McDonald’s.”

Maybe with women Gene, but not with food.

Good food is easy to find.

How, you ask, ‘o wise gourmand?

Ask a local.

The concierge at your hotel may be good for a fancy-pants recommendation but more often than not, it’s gonna be over-priced mediocrity. Ask the bellman. Ask the chef in the crap hotel restaurant (he may serve corporate vittles but I bet he doesn’t eat them.) Ask a cop. I’ve actually found some great out of the way (bad neighborhood) places from cops. And ask a taxi driver. You can bet your ass that a cabbie is going to know THE BEST local cuisine for the right price. I’ve had five star meals from Guadalajara to Moscow to Perth recommended by cabbies all for under twenty bucks and yes, I have a list. Stay tuned.

Cheers,

Scott

P.S. Non-food related bit: The new Every Time I Die record, The Big Dirty, is killer. It’s like Refuse meets Black Sabbath. SICK.



Editor's Note: Scott Ian plays guitar for revolutionary metal band Anthrax and also for Pearl, on tour now in the UK. SuicideGirls is proud to welcome him as a columnist. Now throw up them horns…

Artwork credit: Shepard Fairey


 

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Comments
dufsmash13

dufsmash13

USA
August 2007

NOV 18, 2007 03:26 AM

that was fuckin great...you definately know whats up with the yummies Scott.

i was touring Europe once upon a time and my band insisted on going to McDonalds (we were in Paris) i was pissed, but gave in and went along. the up side was they served beer. smile

GeorgeLiquor

GeorgeLiquor

Seattle, WA
June 2007

NOV 18, 2007 03:50 AM

Oh how I love you, and this article. I have nothing important to say but praise.

justicia

justicia

I'm lost
November 2004

NOV 18, 2007 06:06 AM

StarBelliedBoy said:
I think "I hate chain restaurants" is the new "I don't own a television".



Yeah, maybe it is. and guess what, both apply here.

Maybe they're related? Less time watching the tube equals more time to cook a full course dinner, or search around for a new restaurant?

atomicant

atomicant

Portland, OR
June 2003

NOV 18, 2007 08:37 AM

in my experience around europe, the best way to find food (especially lunch) is to go to the financial district in the city and follow the guys in the suits. they know the best food, and 9 times out of 10, it's cheap.

legionnaire

legionnaire

Belgium
November 2003

NOV 18, 2007 08:39 AM

Can someone please explain to me the fanatical devotion to In-N-Out that I frequently come across? I've eaten there many times - it's a pretty good burger and fries, I won't deny it. But I don't really get why people seem to obsess over the place so much.

And yeah, Olive Garden is shit. I'm still pissed they even have it in NYC.

atomicant

atomicant

Portland, OR
June 2003

NOV 18, 2007 08:45 AM

legionnaire said:
Can someone please explain to me the fanatical devotion to In-N-Out that I frequently come across? I've eaten there many times - it's a pretty good burger and fries, I won't deny it. But I don't really get why people seem to obsess over the place so much.

And yeah, Olive Garden is shit. I'm still pissed they even have it in NYC.



because it's fantastic and it's cheap.

contrast

contrast

Minneapolis, MN
January 2004

NOV 18, 2007 09:01 AM

in and out is the new krispy kreme.

remember 8 years ago, people talked about krispy kreme like "put one one your mouth and have an instant orgasm omg!"

stfu. its a donut.


stfu. its a hamburger. just wait till in and out is nationwide, and they will be hated universally by the same people that love them now.



what confuses me are upscale chains, like bucca di peppo or whatever. is it ok to find that delicious?
ok, i just wikkied it, and found out the one i eat at is the original one. so maybe that's different?

StarBelliedBoy

StarBelliedBoy

Philadelphia, PA
December 2003

NOV 18, 2007 09:24 AM

contrast said:
is it ok to find that delicious?



This question makes me sad.

Johnny_Flapjacks

Johnny_Flapjacks

Williamsport, PA
September 2006

NOV 18, 2007 09:48 AM

The best way to find good food at good prices is simple. Look for the dirtiest looking place you can find with the most cars infront of it and it's almost a guaruntee that it will be great.

Rush

Rush

Brooklyn, NY
June 2005

NOV 18, 2007 09:53 AM

unravled said:
I ask cab drivers in Memphis and get directed to Bourbon street.


They tell you to go to New Orleans?

NotoriousCAT

NotoriousCAT

Atlanta, GA
January 2004

NOV 18, 2007 09:55 AM

the first time i went to New Orleans we went out to a well recommended, nice, expensive restaurant the first night. having grown used to good seafood, i was not that impressed. the next day for lunch we stopped at a little stall on the street. no frills, no seating. the seafood was fucking awesome. i don't think we had a 'sit down' meal the rest of the trip. biggrin

bluevalentine

bluevalentine

San Antonio, TX
December 2003

NOV 18, 2007 10:05 AM

StarBelliedBoy said:
I love Chain restaurants. Not every meal has to be a fucking event. Sometimes you just want something ordinary that you know is going to be decent.

I think "I hate chain restaurants" is the new "I don't own a television".



Scott's article really isn't about "ooo..chains are evil".

It's about "hi! You are someplace where there are no less than a thousand other italian resturants nearby that will be better and you ACTIVELY choose to go to someplace with subpar food that costs just as much if not more just because its what you have in Podunk, USA"

contrast

contrast

Minneapolis, MN
January 2004

NOV 18, 2007 11:19 AM

StarBelliedBoy said:

contrast said:
is it ok to find that delicious?



This question makes me sad.



good.

unravled

unravled

Portland, OR
August 2003

NOV 18, 2007 11:26 AM

Rush said:

unravled said:
I ask cab drivers in Memphis and get directed to Bourbon street.


They tell you to go to New Orleans?



Damnit!

firechild23

firechild23

I'm lost
October 2007

NOV 18, 2007 12:09 PM

I am a pizza junkie, and I absolutely love to eat at local pizzarias. I especially like when they make the pizzas with fresh dough and their own recipies.

When on the road, it's fun to try something different from what you get at home. I usually try to only hit a chain when everything else is closed and I can't access a kitchen, but thankfully, I usaully find a local Greek-Italian (the Real thing) or Chinese joint (though I have yet to find one that has foods from specific regions of China), so I can avoid overdosing on Mickie D's for a while longer.

I think one of the big problems is that those yuppie tourist who always go running to American franchises overseas is that their either chicken or they are so arrogant that they think all foreign food is infrior.

If money's an issue, ask a local first, because a local place might give you more for what you got than MD's or some other cookie cutter fast food joint.

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