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  • FRIDAY NOVEMBER 16 2007 12:00 PM

Holiday Travel: The FAA Tries Desperately Not To Fuck You

Submitted by SleepyLady

Edited by SleepyLady

Tags: FAA, Thanksgiving, Bush, airlines



Americans sure love to visit their families on Thanksgiving! I don’t understand it. I'm trying not to judge it. I suppose everyone has a right to subject themselves to their relatives in the privacy of their own homes, just don’t do it in front of me. But if you are planning on flying across the country to eat mashed potatoes with grandma next week you're not alone.

An estimated 38.7 million Americans are expected to travel this Thanksgiving period, with 4.7 million of them traveling by air, according to the American Automobile Association.



You better call grandma and tell her you might be late.

The airline industry's on-time performance this year has been its worst since 1995, when the Bureau of Transportation Statistics began keeping track. During the first nine months of the year, 24.3 percent of all domestic flights arrived late and 21.3 percent departed behind schedule, the bureau found.

Flight cancellations reached 2.2 percent, the worst since 2001.



But wait? What's that up above flying in restricted military air space? It's President Bush! He's going to save Thanksgiving!

Issuing a statement at the White House, Bush said it is time "to bring order to America's skies."



Our track record for bringing order isn’t great but maybe this time he'll get it right. Right? At least he didn’t promise to bring democracy to the skies. So, what's the plan Captain America?

Bush proposed increasing the bump fee for passengers who buy tickets but end up getting bumped from their flight.

The penalty now is $200 or $400, depending on long the passenger has been inconvenienced. The proposed increase would make the fee $400 to $800.



Awesome! I could use that money. Maybe I'll pray to be bumped this Christmas!

[White House Press Secretary Dana] Perino said that rule, if it becomes final, wouldn't be in place until next summer's travel season.



Oh. Wow. That will sure come in handy during the massive Christmas in July travel season.

… and White House press secretary Dana Perino said the Federal Aviation Administration was imposing a holiday moratorium on nonessential maintenance projects, allowing all FAA personnel and equipment to be focused on keeping flights on time.



Could someone (in the FAA) define non-essential?

Wow. I can feel the spirit of the holidays filling us all with joy. My heart is starting to de-ice and I have faith that even though Bush has acted too late, at least he's not doing something totally sinister. Peace on Earth. Good will towards--what's that? Oh. This just in. The New York Post wanted to keep you all in the throes of terror by reminding you:



WASHINGTON (AP) -- Government investigators smuggled liquid explosives and detonators past airport security, exposing a dangerous hole in the nation's ability to keep these forbidden items off of airplanes, according to a report made public Wednesday.



Happy Holidays!

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Comments
farva

farva

Portland, OR
November 2005

NOV 16, 2007 12:28 PM

Really, does no one check these "articles" for grammar?

"At least he didn't promise to be democracy to the skies."

Do you mean "bring democracy"?

"I can fill the spirit of the holidays filling us all with joy."

Perhaps "feel the spirit..."?

"My heart is starting to de-ice and I even have faith that even though Bush has..."

Kill one "even" and it still makes sense, in fact, more sense.

Oddly, you used the correct spelling of "throes."

The quotes also had mistakes, but I figured those were either editing mistakes by the source, or due to the fact that quotes by Bush and other government officials tend not to make sense.

luke2917

luke2917

Durango, CO
June 2005

NOV 16, 2007 12:41 PM

Rather than opening up air space the FAA should get their ass in gear and upgrade Air Traffic Control instead. Most delays are due to ATC fuck ups than weather and mechanical issues.
Will opening up "restricted" airspace created "expres lanes?" I doubt it.
Sadly the FAA has been aware of their own screw ups and delays for years they just cant admit it.
As a side note how about getting security screeners that actually do their job, and screening system that is efficent, effective, and clear.
The government sucks at everything they do. They cant run amtrack on time, what makes you think they are any better with air traffic control, or screening passengers?
Most close calls are due to ATC screw ups. Not pilot error.
Another government blunder in an industry that I work in...

swingkungfu

swingkungfu

Washington Crossing, PA
November 2005

NOV 16, 2007 12:59 PM

farva said:
Really, does no one check these "articles" for grammar?

"At least he didn't promise to be democracy to the skies."

Do you mean "bring democracy"?

"I can fill the spirit of the holidays filling us all with joy."

Perhaps "feel the spirit..."?

"My heart is starting to de-ice and I even have faith that even though Bush has..."

Kill one "even" and it still makes sense, in fact, more sense.

Oddly, you used the correct spelling of "throes."

The quotes also had mistakes, but I figured those were either editing mistakes by the source, or due to the fact that quotes by Bush and other government officials tend not to make sense.



LOOK AT YOU! BIG MAN, WITH YOUR EDUCATION!

lesbodojo

lesbodojo

San Francisco, CA
October 2007

NOV 16, 2007 01:15 PM

How long have we been at an level "Orange" terror alert? Seems like forever.

Alyk

Alyk

Boston, MA
February 2005

NOV 16, 2007 01:24 PM

swingkungfu said:

farva said:
Really, does no one check these "articles" for grammar?

"At least he didn't promise to be democracy to the skies."

Do you mean "bring democracy"?

"I can fill the spirit of the holidays filling us all with joy."

Perhaps "feel the spirit..."?

"My heart is starting to de-ice and I even have faith that even though Bush has..."

Kill one "even" and it still makes sense, in fact, more sense.

Oddly, you used the correct spelling of "throes."

The quotes also had mistakes, but I figured those were either editing mistakes by the source, or due to the fact that quotes by Bush and other government officials tend not to make sense.



LOOK AT YOU! BIG MAN, WITH YOUR EDUCATION!



It's distracting, unprofessional, and makes the newswire look shabby.

Anyone with a fifth grade education could tell at first glance she didn't bother to proofread her own shit, so chill out with your obnoxious caplocks. The op is trying to help homegirl out by proofreading pieces for her.

wereduck

wereduck

I'm lost
July 2007

NOV 16, 2007 01:39 PM

lesbodojo said:
How long have we been at an level "Orange" terror alert? Seems like forever.



I thought we were in "apricot".

BrotherHeathen

BrotherHeathen

Witter, AR
November 2006

NOV 16, 2007 02:42 PM

Am I the only one wondering if some dork is going to accidentally shoot down a "hostile" airliner over military airspace?
Oh wait, we don't have enough military personnel left on American soil to worry about such things.
Disregard.

Alz

Alz

Lincoln, NE
February 2007

NOV 16, 2007 04:26 PM

bardsatyr said:
Am I the only one wondering if some dork is going to accidentally shoot down a "hostile" airliner over military airspace?
Oh wait, we don't have enough military personnel left on American soil to worry about such things.
Disregard.



Oh snap.

SleepyLady

SleepyLady

Los Angeles, CA
October 2007

NOV 16, 2007 09:54 PM

Dear reader,
I proofread and re-write my work constantly. I apologize that those errors appeared. I went in and edited them.

I thank you for your help in pointing out what was wrong. I am not going to play games and respond to hostile tones. I can't imagine getting upset about this. I'm not getting rich off this nor is it my full-time job and also I'm not hurting anyone.

I am not here to argue that it is right or wrong to have errors. I'm here to say that there are ways to talk to people, even people who are killing you with their unedited errors, that is cordial. I'm always deeply saddened by the nasty tones people take on message boards. There are a lot of cool people on this site, hot girls and fun things to read on here. I just wish people were not so angry.

SnowgodCCR

SnowgodCCR

Derry, NH
November 2006

NOV 17, 2007 04:13 AM

SleepyLady said:
Dear reader,
I proofread and re-write my work constantly. I apologize that those errors appeared. I went in and edited them.

I thank you for your help in pointing out what was wrong. I am not going to play games and respond to hostile tones. I can't imagine getting upset about this. I'm not getting rich off this nor is it my full-time job and also I'm not hurting anyone.

I am not here to argue that it is right or wrong to have errors. I'm here to say that there are ways to talk to people, even people who are killing you with their unedited errors, that is cordial. I'm always deeply saddened by the nasty tones people take on message boards. There are a lot of cool people on this site, hot girls and fun things to read on here. I just wish people were not so angry.



Zing! Don'tcha hate it when people take nasty replies and respond to them with civility? Good call.

freshprncebelair

freshprncebelair

Ellicott City, MD
June 2004

NOV 17, 2007 08:23 AM





CULTURE: Holiday Travel: The FAA Tries Desperately Not To Fuck You





Americans sure love to visit their families on Thanksgiving! I don't understand it. I'm trying not to judge it. I suppose everyone has a right to subject themselves to their relatives in the privacy of their own homes, just don't do it in front of me. But if you are planning on flying across the country to eat mashed potatoes with grandma next week you're not alone.



An estimated 38.7 million Americans are expected to travel this Thanksgiving period, with 4.7 million of them traveling by air, according to the American Automobile Association.




You better call grandma and tell her you might be late.



The airline industry's on-time performance this year has been its worst since 1995, when the Bureau of Transportation Statistics began keeping track. During the first nine months of the year, 24.3 percent of all domestic flights arrived late and 21.3 percent departed behind schedule, the bureau found.



Flight cancellations reached 2.2 percent, the worst since 2001.




But wait? What's that up above flying in restricted military air space? It's President Bush! He's going to save Thanksgiving!



Issuing a statement at the White House, Bush said it is time "to bring order to America's skies."




Our track record for bringing order isn't great but maybe this time he'll get it right. Right? At least he didn't promise to bring democracy to the skies. So, what's the plan Captain America?



Bush proposed increasing the bump fee for passengers who buy tickets but end up getting bumped from their flight.



The penalty now is $200 or $400, depending on long the passenger has been inconvenienced. The proposed increase would make the fee $400 to $800.




Awesome! I could use that money. Maybe I'll pray to be bumped this Christmas!




It's a crazy loophole the wrong guy found out about.

Where WON'T i be going today?

farva

farva

Portland, OR
November 2005

NOV 17, 2007 01:10 PM

SleepyLady said:
Dear reader,
I proofread and re-write my work constantly. I apologize that those errors appeared. I went in and edited them.

I thank you for your help in pointing out what was wrong. I am not going to play games and respond to hostile tones. I can't imagine getting upset about this. I'm not getting rich off this nor is it my full-time job and also I'm not hurting anyone.

I am not here to argue that it is right or wrong to have errors. I'm here to say that there are ways to talk to people, even people who are killing you with their unedited errors, that is cordial. I'm always deeply saddened by the nasty tones people take on message boards. There are a lot of cool people on this site, hot girls and fun things to read on here. I just wish people were not so angry.



What is worse is when people assume someone is being nasty when they are commenting or communicating in a very straightforward manner. People who write for a living, or even simply as a hobby, and put their writing in the public domain for many to read, should do the reader the favor of making their writing readable.

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

I'm lost
August 2004

NOV 17, 2007 01:12 PM

farva said:

What is worse is when people assume someone is being nasty when they are commenting or communicating in a very straightforward manner. People who write for a living, or even simply as a hobby, and put their writing in the public domain for many to read, should do the reader the favor of making their writing readable.



please, cry more.

MarcMerm

MarcMerm

West Hempstead, NY
April 2007

NOV 17, 2007 05:22 PM

I like how airlines have started pushing away from the gate on time because that counts as an on time departure even though you're sitting in a traffic jam for three hours. I'm glad I scheduled that connecting flight a week from when I'm due to arrive at the connecting city (*sarc*). How about staying at the gates until it's time to go. Give every aircraft a number and when it's their turn to take off they can push away. At least passengers can freely move about the cabin and don't get tazered for daring to get up to get another book from their bag after reading War and Peace for the third time while waiting.

Bilharzia

Bilharzia

I'm lost
April 2004

NOV 17, 2007 07:39 PM

Alyk said:

swingkungfu said:

farva said:
Really, does no one check these "articles" for grammar?

"At least he didn't promise to be democracy to the skies."

Do you mean "bring democracy"?

"I can fill the spirit of the holidays filling us all with joy."

Perhaps "feel the spirit..."?

"My heart is starting to de-ice and I even have faith that even though Bush has..."

Kill one "even" and it still makes sense, in fact, more sense.

Oddly, you used the correct spelling of "throes."

The quotes also had mistakes, but I figured those were either editing mistakes by the source, or due to the fact that quotes by Bush and other government officials tend not to make sense.



LOOK AT YOU! BIG MAN, WITH YOUR EDUCATION!



It's distracting, unprofessional, and makes the newswire look shabby.

Anyone with a fifth grade education could tell at first glance she didn't bother to proofread her own shit, so chill out with your obnoxious caplocks. The op is trying to help homegirl out by proofreading pieces for her.



I'm almost a hundred percent certain that "LOOK AT YOU! BIG MAN, WITH YOUR EDUCATION!" has to be read in Homer Simpson's voice. I think that makes it meta-satire. Or something.

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