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  • SUNDAY OCTOBER 28 2007 4:00 PM

Whaddya Mean You Won't Fuck Me?!? I'll Sue!

Submitted by Bitch_PhD

Edited by Bitch_PhD

Tags: age discrimination, senility, crazy old men



Some men just ooze class.

77-year-old Rolf Eden has filed suit against a 19-year-old Berlin woman for the following reason: Despite a night on the town with Eden, which ended back at his place, she refused to have sex with him, saying the he was too old for her.


Way to charm the ladies, Smoove B. No woman can possibly resist being sued for refusing to have sex with a man after his

serving (her) champagne and playing the piano for her.


It is not possible! No woman can resist the champagne! And the playing of the piano! Clearly this is one frigid, uptight, bitch.

Not to mention, the man's name is Rolf Eden. Have you ever heard a sexier name? Rolf. It just rolls off the tongue like . . . well, like . . . well, like a slang term for vomiting, actually. (My husband is German, I'm allowed to make this joke.) And Eden! I can just hear it now. "Baby, let me take you back to the days of Original Sin . . . let me show you my trouser snake . . . touch my forbidden fruit!" HAWT.

Lest you think I'm making these lines up, well, I am. Then again, the guy apparently actually said

"I would like to die as I have lived -- on a woman."


Which is actually ickier than the trouser snake line. Quite an achievement, that.

But some anonymous young woman was not only unmoved by his obvious charms, she had to go and be all *mean* about it!

"I was crushed."


The women, they are so, so cruel. There is only one possible place to alleviate such harsh, unfeeling treatment--a court of law.

He has filed charges with the prosecutors' office, he said. "After all, there are laws against discrimination."



Then again, Eden admits

"there are some women who are too old for me. But in that case you have to be more diplomatic and say, 'Sorry, you're not my type.'"


These young people today. No manners. No manners whatsoever.

Bitch_PhD realizes that this guy is just after free publicity, but finds herself unable to resist him.

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Netherchorus

Netherchorus

Kearney, NE
August 2006

OCT 28, 2007 09:12 PM

dingoes8 said:

"I would like to die as I have lived -- on a woman."



That's the most selfish comment I've ever heard. This random girl would be in therapy for the rest of her life and probably never be able to have a normal sex life, whereas he would suddenly cease to exist and it wouldn't even matter what he was doing?

Instead, I hope he dies on some German red carpet and visibly poops his overpriced white suit in front of all the paparazzi. That's a very unselfish way to die, because it will bring joy to all the people who laugh at him.



you're right...I've had a friend die like that and it's definitely cruel to the woman.

_Brody_

_Brody_

Cardiff By The Sea, CA
February 2007

OCT 28, 2007 09:21 PM

dingoes8 said:

"I would like to die as I have lived -- on a woman."



That's the most selfish comment I've ever heard. This random girl would be in therapy for the rest of her life and probably never be able to have a normal sex life, whereas he would suddenly cease to exist and it wouldn't even matter what he was doing?

Instead, I hope he dies on some German red carpet and visibly poops his overpriced white suit in front of all the paparazzi. That's a very unselfish way to die, because it will bring joy to all the people who laugh at him.



Defintely, we all remember what happened in Clerks.

AriesPreppy

AriesPreppy

I'm lost
September 2007

OCT 28, 2007 09:51 PM

GREAT! Now I have a reason to sue every woman that's ditched me for discrimination because I was "a nice guy."

whatever

Someone needs to get off his fantasies and get a life.

Tallboy66

Tallboy66

Chicago, IL
January 2005

OCT 28, 2007 09:53 PM

Well at least he didn't try to rape her.

But even at my age I find 19 too young for me, almost, maybe, actually probably not but I wouldn't sue her, we might meet up again under different circumstances.

Maybe he's just pissed he wasted that Viagra on nothing.

lolly

lolly

Madison, WI
April 2004

OCT 28, 2007 10:13 PM

Rolf? I always wondered what happened to the piano playing dog from The Muppet Show.

AmbientLight

AmbientLight

I'm lost
March 2005

OCT 28, 2007 10:35 PM

Class... real class.
puke

Postmaster

Postmaster

Austin, TX
October 2004

OCT 28, 2007 11:13 PM

Oh, yeah. The Smoove B nod made my night. Thanks, Bitch.

cupcakeOdoom

cupcakeOdoom

Baldwin, NY
March 2006

OCT 28, 2007 11:47 PM

wow.

just... wow.

and maybe a little bit of EW.

DownNeck

DownNeck

Jersey City, NJ
March 2006

OCT 28, 2007 11:48 PM

i gotta say...buddy looks pretty good for 77

i'm guessing this is maybe his way to announce to the world that she's a dinnerwhore

either way, this guy totally oozes class

sardaukar1977

sardaukar1977

Garland, TX
December 2006

OCT 29, 2007 12:06 AM

this article made me laugh,

If I was able to sue all the women that wouldn't sleep with me, I would be very rich right now.

What a ridiculous lawsuit.

bluegiant

bluegiant

United Kingdom
October 2006

OCT 29, 2007 12:42 AM

Kate Winslet won't return my calls.

That bitch is TOAST!!

Midnyte

Midnyte

SUICIDEGIRL

Arizona, USA

OCT 29, 2007 12:42 AM

Hey Bitch....

Because your HUSBAND is German you have a right to make fun of Germans? So by that logic, since your husband is married to a woman, he can talk all the shit about women he wants? WTF??? Why even say anything about it? Why make an excuse if you are going to say something shitty then just own it and be proud you said it and don't apologize or otherwise don't say it at all. Do you have friends who are black too?

And that guy is just lame!!

bluegiant

bluegiant

United Kingdom
October 2006

OCT 29, 2007 12:43 AM

Brodette said:

dingoes8 said:

"I would like to die as I have lived -- on a woman."



That's the most selfish comment I've ever heard. This random girl would be in therapy for the rest of her life and probably never be able to have a normal sex life, whereas he would suddenly cease to exist and it wouldn't even matter what he was doing?

Instead, I hope he dies on some German red carpet and visibly poops his overpriced white suit in front of all the paparazzi. That's a very unselfish way to die, because it will bring joy to all the people who laugh at him.



Defintely, we all remember what happened in Clerks.



Actually, to be fair, she didn't hump a guy who died on the job, she just humped a dead guy.

ElizaTheTroll

ElizaTheTroll

Australia
January 2006

OCT 29, 2007 03:20 AM

Back in Trolland, we used to say "talking to Kurt" for vomiting.

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

Vanier, ON
May 2005

OCT 29, 2007 03:22 AM

OlafTheTroll said:
Back in Trolland, we used to say "talking to Kurt" for vomiting.



Hahahaha! Awesome!

wait. Who's Kurt?

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