News > Culture > 'Tis the Season

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TUESDAY OCTOBER 16 2007 8:00 PM

Are you a girl? Is it Halloween? Be a sexy 1900s steel conglomerate tycoon!

Or maybe a sexy anorexic? Sexy institutionalized mental patient? Sexy convict--in traditional stripes or modern orange?

Or, I know! A sexy lady bug! Perhaps a sexy bumble bee? A sexy gardener! (I swear I *made that one up*, Googled it, and voila.)

Sexy girl scout! Sexy tin man! (Think I'm joking? Click that link.)

My favorite, though, has to be the sexy clown. I can see where one might be tempted by that, if only because it's so fucking revolting that it might just kill the whole "sexy costume" thing dead.

There's nothing wrong with the odd sexy costume, mind. Elvira's been around forever, and everyone likes the vampires. The unitard-wearing cat costume is timeless. But look what's happened to the cat now. Subtlety, people!

Sure, I myself once went to a party as a vampire victim, which involved a white cotton gown, red lipliner bite mark, and a candleholder--'twas sexy, though I admit the primary impulse there was "I already own all these things." And it wasn't basically a lycra mini dress, with or without a foofy tutu of some sort attached.

But jeez louise, enough is enough. I realize I am going to sound like the most prudish mom ever with what I am about to say. Too bad. I keep getting these costume catalogs in the mail, and all the little girl costumes--every single one--has a short skirt on it and is some sexy girled-up version of something or other--fairy, pirate, princess, etc. Oh sure, the catalog copy calls them "cute" but we know that "cute" is often (as in this case) a euphemism for "sexy, on a little kid."

And the boys aren't a whole lot better off. All they get is the oh-so he man stuff. Cop, yawn; firefighter, yawn. Pirate, superhero, astronaut, yawn. Luke Skywalker, Buzz Lightyear, ninja. Yawn.

About the only costumes that aren't revoltingly gendered are the Harry Potter ones. But really, would it be so strange to have a girl dress as a (non-anorexic) skeleton? Or a boy as a clown? Are girls allowed to be Spiderman, or boys to be cheerleaders? Aren't monsters and magical creatures supposed to come in, you know, both sexes?

Bah. The point of the carnival should be to invert conventional expectations, not to dial them up to eleven.

Bitch_PhD is proud to report that her son wants to be a ghost this year. In the traditional sheet-with-eyeholes.

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Comments

neeeeon

USA

December 2005

OCT 16, 2007 11:50 PM

I'm totally gonna be sexy abraham lincoln next year. Ohhhhhh yeah.

Ascanius

USA

October 2006

OCT 16, 2007 11:52 PM

This stuff doesn't happen so much in Vermont. It's too cold come October 31st, for one thing, and there's less 'sexy' going on in general for another. I'm usually okay with this. A couple years ago, though, my fiance and her best friend went as Cheech and Chong. She was Cheech. A pretty convincing Cheech, too. All night long I had to deal with a little mustachioed drunkard trying to make out with me. Problematic.

BlastProcessing

USA

OLD SKOOL

OCT 16, 2007 11:54 PM

Drake said:

GonzoChaote said:
A girl dressed up as Spiderman is either Spidergirl or Spiderwoman. There's both. Take that, feminism!

No way, their costumes are totally different! Spider-man doesn't even wear web-shooters anymore.

Given enough time, Mayday would totally evolve integral web-shooters. So it would just be a costume of the future of a character, um, also from the future.

I mean, uh, I AM NOT A NERD.

PaulNikon

Melbourne, FL

February 2003

OCT 17, 2007 12:11 AM

Tekky said:

TheGringo said:
That totally reminds me of an SNL bit.

"what does it mean?"
"i don't know, but it's making me nervous and sweaty!"

best SNL skit in a long time.

also, i'm not even wearing the slutty harry potter costume this year. i'm going as amy winehouse. i just want the hp thing because i'm a nerd like that. and maybe i'll wear it for another reason...

huh.

Lindsey Lohan at her best.

TrashCanMan

United Kingdom

August 2006

OCT 17, 2007 12:17 AM

Bitch_PhD is proud to report that her son wants to be a ghost this year. In the traditional sheet-with-eyeholes.

Son? How?

or was it a Preying Mantis kinda deal?

teddy__kgb

Albuquerque, NM

February 2007

OCT 17, 2007 12:21 AM

i actually think formus got it kind of right. i had this semi-repressed gf once who thought halloween was just the coolest thing, because she got to dress up like a whore. weird. years after we dated, i'd see her on halloween with the biggest, brawniest guy in the city. suffice to say, i knew what he was getting (anal) all night. in fact, almost every time i've been out with a date on halloween it's ended, well, in the end. thanks for pointing that out formus, i hadn't really put it all together. strangely enough, everytime i've ever cross-dressed, i've gotten laid by a montage of some of the hottest women i've ever seen. i think it's just something to do with taboo, and crossing boundaries.