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'Tis the Season

TUESDAY OCTOBER 16 2007 8:00 PM

Submitted by Bitch_PhD. Edited By erin_broadley.

TAGS: halloween, costumes, gender expectations, humor

Are you a girl? Is it Halloween? Be a sexy 1900s steel conglomerate tycoon!

Or maybe a sexy anorexic? Sexy institutionalized mental patient? Sexy convict--in traditional stripes or modern orange?

Or, I know! A sexy lady bug! Perhaps a sexy bumble bee? A sexy gardener! (I swear I *made that one up*, Googled it, and voila.)

Sexy girl scout! Sexy tin man! (Think I'm joking? Click that link.)

My favorite, though, has to be the sexy clown. I can see where one might be tempted by that, if only because it's so fucking revolting that it might just kill the whole "sexy costume" thing dead.

There's nothing wrong with the odd sexy costume, mind. Elvira's been around forever, and everyone likes the vampires. The unitard-wearing cat costume is timeless. But look what's happened to the cat now. Subtlety, people!

Sure, I myself once went to a party as a vampire victim, which involved a white cotton gown, red lipliner bite mark, and a candleholder--'twas sexy, though I admit the primary impulse there was "I already own all these things." And it wasn't basically a lycra mini dress, with or without a foofy tutu of some sort attached.

But jeez louise, enough is enough. I realize I am going to sound like the most prudish mom ever with what I am about to say. Too bad. I keep getting these costume catalogs in the mail, and all the little girl costumes--every single one--has a short skirt on it and is some sexy girled-up version of something or other--fairy, pirate, princess, etc. Oh sure, the catalog copy calls them "cute" but we know that "cute" is often (as in this case) a euphemism for "sexy, on a little kid."

And the boys aren't a whole lot better off. All they get is the oh-so he man stuff. Cop, yawn; firefighter, yawn. Pirate, superhero, astronaut, yawn. Luke Skywalker, Buzz Lightyear, ninja. Yawn.

About the only costumes that aren't revoltingly gendered are the Harry Potter ones. But really, would it be so strange to have a girl dress as a (non-anorexic) skeleton? Or a boy as a clown? Are girls allowed to be Spiderman, or boys to be cheerleaders? Aren't monsters and magical creatures supposed to come in, you know, both sexes?

Bah. The point of the carnival should be to invert conventional expectations, not to dial them up to eleven.

Bitch_PhD is proud to report that her son wants to be a ghost this year. In the traditional sheet-with-eyeholes.

168 Comments

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Formus

Milwaukee, WI

May 2007

OCT 16, 2007 08:11 PM

I had a roommate from Brazil first semester Freshman year. And when Halloween rolled around, he turned to me and asked, "Why do all the women dress like whores?" True story. The answer is: they like to be fucked in the ass by big men who make them feel sheltered and protected.

McKenneth

Macedon, NY

August 2005

OCT 16, 2007 08:12 PM

In a potentially universe-shattering coincidence, I find myself agreeing 100% with this. Weird.

StarBelliedBoy

Philadelphia, PA

December 2003

OCT 16, 2007 08:17 PM

McKenneth said:
In a potentially universe-shattering coincidence, I find myself agreeing 100% with this. Weird.

Dude, what're you, gay?

emevolloveme

Fort Worth, TX

September 2006

OCT 16, 2007 08:17 PM

i'm going as a revolutionary. a fully-clothed one.

erratic_prophet

San Diego, CA

December 2006

OCT 16, 2007 08:18 PM

There is nothing sexy about clowns.

Ever

JunkyardAngel

San Gabriel, CA

February 2006

OCT 16, 2007 08:24 PM

I agree with most of this--when it comes to the kiddie stuff, sexing ANYthing up is just digusting. Adults, well, whatever.

And I guess a girl could dress up as Spiderman, why not--I was once a male hobo (I was 9)--but Spidey was a boy, so it's not so shocking that this is how the costume is marketed, is it? I mean, if a little girl said "Hey, I wanna dress up as Spiderman!" there is no rule or stigma against it.

But the comment I have on this article is this: WHY THIS TOPIC? Why not write about the recent goings on over the Nana rape set?? That is a very relevant topic considering your stance on rape and other violent crimes against women, womens' issues, feminist issues, etc.m and the set and the controversy and all that were all very very interesting.

Why not write about that?

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Maybe I should sign this "JunkyardBitch"

crissi

HOPEFUL

Seattle, WA

OCT 16, 2007 08:25 PM

I wish sexy Abraham Lincoln was real. That is fucking hilarious.

mzerocs

Tucson, AZ

October 2006

OCT 16, 2007 08:26 PM

Clowns if you worked really hard you could be a sexy clown. BUT sexy Abraham Lincoln and sexy lobster are beyond the scope of reality. Who the F was the first person to eat a lobster anyway they look horrible.

Edited to Say: I think people should dress up according to their body type. 300 pound women should not dress up as Rogue or any other sexy comic book characters and neither should 300 pound men (if you are very young say 16 or less you could be excused due to your ignorance).

My family was thinking of doing the Incredibles for this halloween and due to my big fat gut I would have made myself into the early version of Mr. Incredble in his blue suit so I could be the middle age version.

Spoiled

San Francisco, CA

August 2006

OCT 16, 2007 08:26 PM

Formus said:
I had a roommate from Brazil first semester Freshman year. And when Halloween rolled around, he turned to me and asked, "Why do all the women dress like whores?" True story. The answer is: they like to be fucked in the ass by big men who make them feel sheltered and protected.

guiiilllllltttyyyyyyyy..

Amagi82

Warren, MI

October 2006

OCT 16, 2007 08:27 PM

Ditto on the clown thing, erratic.

Clowns are fucking horrible and scary.

NoPantsDave

Cincinnati, OH

OLD SKOOL

OCT 16, 2007 08:30 PM

I think I am going to stay home for Halloween.....but I am still going to dress as a cheerleader just to buck convention.

Spoiled

San Francisco, CA

August 2006

OCT 16, 2007 08:32 PM

JunkyardAngel said:

But the comment I have on this article is this: WHY THIS TOPIC? Why not write about the recent goings on over the Nana rape set?? That is a very relevant topic considering your stance on rape and other violent crimes against women, womens' issues, feminist issues, etc.m and the set and the controversy and all that were all very very interesting.

Why not write about that?

rape set? jeez i go on vacation and this is what i miss..??

Wheezy_E

Boulder City, NV

April 2004

OCT 16, 2007 08:34 PM

Oh no, I've already used up all my anti today. I find myself completely defenseless against Bitch_PhD's opinion. Apparently I have no choice but to agree with her despite how much I'm in favor of sexy. hold me, I'm scared.

Hey wait a minute, the costumes aren't the least sexy at all, they're just plain old stupid. I'm ok? whew!

I know what sort of halloween costume is sexy - a creative, well thought out, well executed one that highlights the lady's upper cranial region.

xazapdmytinu

Fort Collins, CO

July 2007

OCT 16, 2007 08:36 PM

for the sake of balance, there was a sexy Wolverine costume
I'd also like to point out that there probably are no sexy Nobel Laureate costumes, no sexy Dow employee costumes and no sexy presidential candidate costumes.

brooklynhero

Brooklyn, NY

October 2006

OCT 16, 2007 08:41 PM

... and frog

priceless.

That's right ladies - it's halloween - time to get sexy and prove to everyone that YOU are an object to be had.

How about Sexy Persecuted Eccentrist.

Oh wait the witch trials ended centuries ago

... or did they?