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Domestic Violence and Pregnancy

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 25 2007 4:00 PM

Submitted by Bitch_PhD. Edited By Bitch_PhD.

TAGS: domestic violence, abuse, pregnancy, teenage pregnancy

How timely; just as we were talking about domestic violence, a new study came out on the subject.

The project by UC Davis pediatrician Elizabeth Miller found that among girls with a history of violent relationships, 25 percent reported that their partners were actively trying to get them pregnant.
....
Among the findings: girls reported having to hide their birth control pills from their partners, or their boyfriends flushing the pills down the toilet. Some reported their partners intentionally removing or destroying condoms during intercourse.

In one case, the male partner told the girl he wanted her to become pregnant and got angry when she asked him to use a condom. Another falsely told her partner she was pregnant to make him "happy."
....
In working with teen mothers throughout the city, she said, almost all report that the baby's father was abusive.

And of course, once the baby's born, then the mom's the focus of all society's ire: she shoulda kept her legs closed, she's a shitty mom, she's irresponsible, she's got bad judgment.

Or, as the study's coauthor puts it,

"Historically, this fell under the unfortunate, excusing label of 'boys will be boys,' where to some extent boys and men feel entitled to control the girls and women they are with."

And to the victim-blamers who want to criticize the girls for "putting up with" it, he adds,

And while much progress has been made over the past decades in terms of women's reproductive rights, he said, "a tremendous amount of girls' self-esteem and worth comes from their ability to maintain a relationship, and that is especially true in adolescents."

Which I find is true. Especially once you have a child (which is surely one of the reasons why these young men try to force their girlfriends into pregnancy): once there's a baby involved, a woman is supposed to value keeping the father around above almost everything else. The U.S. Government even has an official policy about this. If the girl wants to have an abortion, we're determined to make it difficult if not impossible for her to keep that secret from her abusive boyfriend.

And of course if you think about it, the abusers are trying, in their fucked-up way, to make sure "their" girl sticks around, too. Depressing.

Bitch_PhD thinks that people need something to be proud of besides their relationships--whether it's boys trying to control their girls or girls trying to keep boys around at any cost. But other than that, she has no wisdom on this problem.

63 Comments

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SimpleSimon

Washington, PA

September 2007

SEP 25, 2007 05:01 PM

One of my friends became pregnant after what we all thought was a condom "accident" but as it turned out later, the baby's daddy pricked the condom before hand. It happens incredibly often in abusive relationships. Its absolutely sick. Especially the way the government doesn't help at all.

dreamergirl

Montserrat

September 2007

SEP 25, 2007 05:17 PM

I worked as a counselor for battered women, all the while living in an abusive relationship myself and pregnant. I could so easily find them shleter, thinking "well thank God my situation is not as bad" I woke up. The thing one must always remember is when they know someone living in this, that just telling them to leave will not do it. They have to trust you enough to tell you anything. This is all they have and do not see a way out. It takes time and alot of patience towards the one being abused for them to see there is a way out.

Formus

Milwaukee, WI

May 2007

SEP 25, 2007 05:18 PM

I'm starting to think either a Hillary/Obama ticket or an Obama/Hillary ticket would make a lot of sense. Domestic policy recently has become increasingly more racist and sexist over the last few years, even among states, and such a ticket could really help revert things. Even if she is unlikable and he doesn't know shit about foreign policy.

Tallboy66

USA

January 2005

SEP 25, 2007 05:45 PM

Here we go again.

Tallboy66

USA

January 2005

SEP 25, 2007 05:48 PM

Formus said:
I'm starting to think either a Hillary/Obama ticket or an Obama/Hillary ticket would make a lot of sense. Domestic policy recently has become increasingly more racist and sexist over the last few years, even among states, and such a ticket could really help revert things. Even if she is unlikable and he doesn't know shit about foreign policy.

Did you ever hear that bit by Chris Rock about what would happen if we had a black Vice president? It's funny but I think true.

Also I don't think the U.S. is ready for a female prez., or at least not Clinton as it.

_DictionaryGirl_

NEWSWIRE

San Diego, CA

SEP 25, 2007 05:55 PM

Tallboy66 said:

Also I don't think the U.S. is ready for a female prez., or at least not Clinton as it.

If not now, when?

JunkyardAngel

San Gabriel, CA

February 2006

SEP 25, 2007 06:02 PM

I think we are indeed ready for a woman. An intelligent, strong, savvy, non flip-floppy woman.

I am not so sure Hllary is that woman, but I don't know ANYONE, replublican or democrat, who would not vote for a person just because of their gender.

But that's not really what the article is about. Or is it? What is the article about? What is the author's point? Is it just forwarding the ideas and findings in the study? Is it an opinion piece? ???

Iggy

SUICIDEGIRL

Alabama, USA

SEP 25, 2007 06:04 PM

If the girl wants to have an abortion, we're determined to make it difficult if not impossible for her to keep that secret from her abusive boyfriend.

It may vary from state to state, but it was not difficult for me at all to obtain an abortion. Not once during the process did they even ask me about the father, or inquire about how he would feel about me having an abortion, or even recommend telling him I was having the procedure done. But that was in New Jersey, it may be different for people in other states.

Trahern

United Kingdom

March 2003

SEP 25, 2007 06:10 PM

I'm one of the children that came about as the result of this kind of behaviour. Unfortunately, by the time I was old enough to understand well enough to tell my mother that no father was better than a crappy, he'd already packed a bag, shook my hand and walked out the door. The drawback of having a convent-educated mother from a super-catholic country, I suspect. I can understand it, but there will always be a part of me that believes she should have walked out the day after my forced conception, consequences and excuses be damned.

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA

July 2004

SEP 25, 2007 06:12 PM

_DictionaryGirl_ said:

Tallboy66 said:

Also I don't think the U.S. is ready for a female prez., or at least not Clinton as it.

If not now, when?

When bitches learn to stop being so uppity all the time.

xazapdmytinu

Fort Collins, CO

July 2007

SEP 25, 2007 06:15 PM

Tallboy66 said:
Here we go again.

do you have something to say to the whole class?

I wasn't going to comment on this because well, personally, I don't feel like I have anything to add to the conversation, but I feel that if somebody does have something to add, by all means go ahead!

Formus

Milwaukee, WI

May 2007

SEP 25, 2007 06:15 PM

Subrosa said:

_DictionaryGirl_ said:

Tallboy66 said:

Also I don't think the U.S. is ready for a female prez., or at least not Clinton as it.

If not now, when?

When bitches learn to stop being so uppity all the time.

Gat damn bee-hatches.

Volpone

Greensboro, NC

September 2007

SEP 25, 2007 06:25 PM

The only way out of problems like this is to think about the context that creates them, and then change it. However, it is fuckin' hard to get past the desire to punish the assholes who perpetrate this kind of shit against the women they are with. Unfortunately, that's not a response that normally ends up helping anybody, but it would be awfully satisfying.