About the video, I will say this: that was a really fucking stupid thing to do. God knows how the husband would react if he saw the kid with the camera.

About everything else, you're right. Dr Phil is a certified Oprah Tool. He probably believes in that Secret bullshit too.

It is hard to "just leave" my mother was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused by her father from a very young age, when she got into her teens she finally tried several times to run away. Each time, when she found refuge with relatives, they would believe her father over her and turn her in. Finally at age 17 she found a relative that didn't turn her in, he still finally tracked her down and even came to her work place (fortunately her boss didn't let the fucker in. The near miss terrified her though and so the very same day she enlisted in the army and permanently got beyond the monster's reach. So as you can see it isn't easy to "just leave"

edited for spelling error and FIRST!
...darn now I'm second...

As I said, it's pretty clear in the video that the husband *made* the kid film it.

well, the father ordered the kid to record it. it was taped on purpose....

The other thing is up to that point he did everything just to her...when she finally completely got away from him he started on her sisters...and now they completely hate her for leaving them behind. It really sucks stay and take it or leave and know that your sisters aren't safe...tough call. Yes there are places she could have gone to (these days), but back then the law favored the father.

A lot of things in life are hard. A lot of things in life are wrong and unfair. It's hard to break any kind of addiction, or pull away from a situation of dependency. It takes courage and determination. For sure.

A battered women's shelter. They have them in many communities. If not, to a friend, or family member. Or the police.

That would be bad. Might be best to file a complaint with the police. Eventually move out. Put a restraining order on the brute.

Then she has got to look at her codependent way of thinking and stop making excuses for the violent scumbag.

Well, try therapy. It's NOT her fault. Victims ought to stop blaming themselves, just as Dr Phil ought to stop blaming the victim. (I'm not blaming her, I'm talking about taking responsibility for your life and your choices).

Stop making excuses. No one deserves to be physically abused. There are resources out there to help: women's shelters, police, therapy, legal assistance...

Break the pattern. Get out of the Victim Mentality. It's an addictive pattern of relationship behavior which can be changed.

Everyone's situation is different with special obstacles and dangers. I'm not generalizing or implying that "it's her fault if she chooses to stay in an abusive relationship."

I recently finished reading Lisa Crystal Carver's post-punk memoir "Drugs Are Nice."
Her story is inspirational. She was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic and she had a disabled toddler to care for. She took a lot of verbal and emotional abuse in the course of that relationship but when he physically attacked her, she called the cops and got the hell out with the kid, regained her self-respect and had no regrets about leaving.

No, read, the kid was told by the father to film it. So it wasn't the kid who was stupid, it was the father. Thank god he's gone for 36 years.

You're missing the point shapeshifter23 the point is when you're in that kind of situation your mind gets tied up within the fear...and trust me there's a lot of fear. It's a neverending nightmare in their minds. They can't believe that some shelter will keep them safe from something that's been tormenting them for years. Obviously there are services and yes abused women (and men) should be encouraged to leave and get the help that's available...often times it doesn't occur to them while they are IN the situation. It's so frustrating for me to see this shit keep happening and to see how clueless everyone really is about how painful and terrifying the experience can be. The fear locks you away where every aid seems like an unreachable paradise. Just close to home to me damn it and I want to see things change!

this is disturbing, especially involving the son. at first i thought they might be role-playing, but if the son was really there, its criminal. ive had female friends who get turned on by stuff like that ; friends who considered themselves hardcore feminists, and argued a true feminist wouldn't call the sexual 'role-playing' misogynistic, because it was what she wanted.

this piece of shit 'father', for lack of a better word, should obviously be removed from society. were i to witness such shit, id undoubtedly want to kill him. he obviously has no appreciation of women as anything other than a target. to involve his son shows explicitly that he has no respect for her, or his family. i hope he's the target now.

the woman is trapped here because of the kids, but seeing the son tape the abuse at the father's command is perhaps what caused her to finally come to the correct evaluation, conclusion and decision.

I think "just leaving" is terribly oversimplified. People forget that many -- if not all of our supports -- outside of the nuclear family tend to be located in the same geographic area. Even if they're outside of the area, the abuse often knows these locations and will eventually come calling.

Locally there was a murder of a woman, by her ex-husband. The both lived in the same local area. She was killed with their child watching at a gas station. For a woman to truly leave she not only uproots and leaves her family behind, but she literally leaves everything behind.

Children, as explained in the article also complicate matters. The woman being berated by Dr. Phil was supposed to protect her children, but how is she to flee for true safety and avoid kidnapping charges from her abuser? Woman describe domestic violence as being imprisoned, and thanks to events in my area and this article, I can truly see why.

Of course it's not that easy to "just leave." Many important things in life are neither easy nor without risk. Should the woman be blamed for placing the child's health in jeopardy when it's the guy who is violent? Fuck no, not in a million years. Should a guy who beats his wife and children eat jail food for a couple decades? That's the least he should have to endure. But leaving IS possible. There certainly should be places that women can go for help, to stay safe and start a new life.
In the 1930s my then 17 year old great grandmother left her arranged violent husband and Italy for NY with my one year old grandmother and her 2 year old brother. Two years later they left Duluth Minnesota in the middle of the night when he mistakenly got the wrong house. The folks he woke up knew her and sent their son to to her house to inform. I've not met too many people who had Lucy's courage, but I've not met ANYONE I had more respect for either.

I've only just read the article and I am embarrassed to admit that its only now the issue of domestic violence and abusive relationships has truly struck a deep chored with me. Up til now it's been somebody else's problem to me and I've felt secure in the knowledge that I know I wouldn't do that to someone. I can't even bring myself (in general) to call somebody stupid in an argument, and am more likely to say instead that they make bad choices .

But now I know that's not enough and I feel shitty for not doing more. Just because I'm incapable of such behavior is not sufficient. What can I do to help? I don't want to give money and I don't want to protest- I want to do more. Can you suggest anything? Is there a way to help people get out and to protect them once they're out? I've seen too many instances where a restraining order is insufficient.

That video is haunting,

Random aside (not meant to detract from my statements above, the gravity of the issue, or the brutali impact of the video) - in the photos from when they first met, the husband looks like Rick James .

This is the first time I agree with Bitch_PhD 100%.