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  • WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 12 2007 8:00 PM

A Fridge for a Baby? How About a Jeep? Eh, Fuck It. Just Kill Me Now.

Submitted by Rahodeb

Edited by Rahodeb



Last May it was Japan with this retardation. Now it's Russia. The governor of Ulyanovsk, a central Russian province, told his constituents to skip work and fuck today. As you might have guessed, this is all part of a well-thought-out attempt to boost the Russian population, which is shrinking by about 700,000 people a year.

The governor of a central Russian province urged couples to skip work on Wednesday and make love instead to help boost Russia's low birth-rate.

And if a woman gives birth in exactly nine months time -- on Russia's national day on June 12 -- she will qualify for a prize, perhaps even winning a new home.

"It's normally something for the home -- a fridge or a television set," Yelena Yakovleva at the Ulyanovsk regional administration press office, said.

"It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy."

Not only does it not matter if it's a girl or a boy--it doesn't matter if the child is the product of a marriage, or a single mother.

Prizes will extend equally to unwed women who produce children on the right day, though the biggest prizes will go to married couples.

On Russia Day this year, a family won a jeep after their fourth baby was born on the holiday.

Next year, the top prizes will include an apartment, Morozov told Reuters. "We need more people," he said.

Anyone curious about why the Russian population is shrinking? Oh, just because births are failing to outpace a high death rate boosted by AIDS, alcoholism and suicide. That's all. Just an AIDS epidemic, chronic alcoholism, and suicide. All of which will clearly be solved by, um, more people to drink, fuck, and kill themselves. Yeah, more babies will fix it.

They clearly put a lot of brainpower into this plan.

Dasvidanya, Russia.

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Comments
Vidalia

Vidalia

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

SEP 12, 2007 10:53 PM

I'll take a national day off anytime.
Especially a day allocated entirely for sex!

imclever

imclever

Kent, WA
February 2007

SEP 12, 2007 11:02 PM

Moonrabbit said:
How is a lower population a bad thing? Explain to me.



less cannon fodder, tax payers and workers.



GeorgeLiquor

GeorgeLiquor

Seattle, WA
June 2007

SEP 12, 2007 11:17 PM

There's not a lot of times when your boss has to sit you down, look you in the eye and say "Go home, and make me a baby".

It's a good day.

Callahan

Callahan

Seattle, WA
February 2005

SEP 13, 2007 02:57 AM

Here and there we see exciting instances where we have the unique chance of lowering populations without horrific epidemics, genocide, or warfare. And they inevitablely fuck it up.

ki1

ki1

Ireland
September 2007

SEP 13, 2007 04:46 AM

damn man. this reminds me of game shows in the 60's. might try to pawn off the idea 2 a tv station near me. good reality tv.

Druggist

Druggist

Pompano Beach, FL
November 2006

SEP 13, 2007 06:25 AM

i feel like im watching a news clip from that daria news progra,m "sick sad world"

Formus

Formus

Milwaukee, WI
May 2007

SEP 13, 2007 08:34 AM

stringtheory182 said:
i feel like im watching a news clip from that daria news progra,m "sick sad world"



In Soviet Russia, news clip watches you!

StarBelliedBoy

StarBelliedBoy

Philadelphia, PA
December 2003

SEP 13, 2007 09:01 AM

I'd guess that they're losing the bulk of that population in people leaving for western countries because it's just shitty to live in Russia.

Tallboy66

Tallboy66

Chicago, IL
January 2005

SEP 13, 2007 09:20 AM

xazapdmytinu said:





I think personally I'd rather be given some sort of monetary reward, kids are fuckin expensive



You can. Adopt and you can claim childcare expenses on your taxes for 18 years. Up to 10,000 a year.

KingHELL

kinghell

Portland, OR
July 2003

SEP 13, 2007 10:38 AM

ardour said:
A fridge for a baby?

I'd keep the fridge.



Just to clarify, is the fridge for keeping the baby in? Because that seems like it would be a lot easier than raising the little sprog.

KingHELL

kinghell

Portland, OR
July 2003

SEP 13, 2007 10:44 AM

Moonrabbit said:
How is a lower population a bad thing? Explain to me.



Besides the fact that it could trigger the total societal collapse of a nuclear-armed former superpower?

AppleJax

AppleJax

Regina, SK
November 2005

SEP 13, 2007 11:40 AM

The population in Russia has fallen for a number of reasons, politics being one of them. Friends of ours are from Russia...and she pretty much CANNOT go home to visit her parents, because they won't let her leave the country to come back to Canada.

Christ, she had a hell of a time trying to get Russian children's literature out of the country for her girls...forget trying to get anything written in Russian by authors such as Tolstoy confused

JunkyardAngel

JunkyardAngel

San Gabriel, CA
February 2006

SEP 13, 2007 12:02 PM

PrayToMyPistol said:
See if people could just sell kids on ebay this shit would not happen.



I bow to your superior intellect!

JunkyardAngel

JunkyardAngel

San Gabriel, CA
February 2006

SEP 13, 2007 12:06 PM

jbmars said:
If you can't talk about a solution to the problem, then please refrain from posting an opinion of an article in which you chastize the subjects of the said article without a sound or reasonable opinion by which you can promote a solution to the problem.
I think this is genius, at least it is a solution and they are using government money to reward, rather than to kill anyone (not that they don't.)



Aren't the solutions obvious? Address the problems of AIDS, suicide and alcoholism, rather than encourge more babies to be born into those situations.

JunkyardAngel

JunkyardAngel

San Gabriel, CA
February 2006

SEP 13, 2007 12:08 PM

Callahan said:
Here and there we see exciting instances where we have the unique chance of lowering populations without horrific epidemics, genocide, or warfare. And they inevitablely fuck it up.



I would say that AIDS, alcoholism and suicide are, well, pretty horrific.

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