News > Culture > Mommy Drinks Because You Cry

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TUESDAY AUGUST 21 2007 4:00 PM

I always like it when mamas talk about what motherhood is actually like, rather than faking the Stepford soccer mom personality we all feel like we're "supposed" to have. Today was the first day of school for my kid and I'm frazzled, so in honor of mamas everywhere who are gearing up for the new school year and dragging themselves and their kids through Target or KMart in search of the lists of required school supplies, I thought I'd say a little bit today about parents and drug use.

Y'all might (or might not) remember the flamewars about meth users and women who drink while pregnant. And maybe you're aware of Frank Owen's new book about meth, which is getting good reviews --Owen argues that each era has its representative drug, and that meth is all the rage right now in part because it serves our desire for busy, focused, productivity, which makes sense to me.

And here's another nice piece that goes beyond the conventional wisdom about drug use, specifically, drug use as a parent. In Highlights, Babble's "Bad Parent" column, L.J. Wilson, bless her, talks about why smoking pot makes her a better parent, dammit.

There are those who believe anyone who gets stoned while caring for a child should receive a visit from child protective services. But there are times when I find myself snapping at my now six-year-old son over normal foibles, or when I find myself too distracted by mundane household chores to sit down and focus on his needs, that I realize that my making a quick and discreet trip to the garage would do me and him a world of good.

Amen, my sister. I don't smoke pot--it just makes me paranoid, and I don't really enjoy it--but god knows there are days when mama needs a drink and a cigarette, thankyouverymuch. And of course there's the anti-depressants. What can I say, I'm a traditionalist: the old-school mother's little helpers work just fine for me. But hey, if Mama Wilson wants to smoke a joint now and again, far be it from me to criticize her for that.

Now of course, before everyone gets all shrill n' shit, blah blah drug addiction is a serious problem, blah blah bad example for the kiddos, blah blah children are the Most Important Things In Our Lives, blah blah. The point here isn't to promote parental addiction. The point is that parents are actual human beings, just like everyone else. Some of us are as conventional and safe as Ward and June; but some of us enjoy a drink or a joint or an occasional lost weekend just like anyone else. And yeah, some of us are seriously fucked up. But just like "regular" people, most parents are actually capable of using yer common recreational drugs responsibly (and those who aren't, aren't gonna stop being fucked up just because Society Disapproves, alas.)

So yeah. If you're a mom (or a dad) with that brain-dead "jesus, how many stores do I have to go to to find oil pastels, dammit" thing going on, or if you're an impatient child-free sort who feels bitchy and impatient with all those back-to-school families that seem to be everywhere again, pour yourself a fucking drink, fire up a joint, whatever. Chill out. In a few weeks we'll all be back to normal again--whatever that means.

Bitch_PhD is, in fact, a soccer mom this year.

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Comments

RileyStClair

Los Angeles, CA

September 2006

AUG 21, 2007 05:27 PM

Morgan said:
There is a difference between a parent who occasionally drinks and/or occasionally uses drugs and a "drugged out wasted parent".

seriously.
i'm pretty sure my parents didn't stop smoking pot when i was born.

Tiger_Fodder

Braintree, MA

June 2007

AUG 21, 2007 05:38 PM

Sick said:

xazapdmytinu said:

InnocentSid said:
I always enjoy your articles. This one left me saying "WTF"? What is it that you are saying? Are you saying that parents should do drugs?

Let's bring up more children by absent drugged out parents. The choice should not be between drugged out wasted parents and suburbia drones. How about well adjusted parents who bring up well adjusted cool kids? While I do not have kids, I see most of my friends being in neither extreme and their kids are quite awesome.

I think she's using hyperbole to highlight the fact that plenty of parents do drugs but it's only the absent drugged out ones we hear about. It's not a matter of advocating drug use in parents. It's that parents who smoke pot or even drink occasionally are viewed as somehow worse than alcoholics who drive to work at a warehouse drunk, crash a forklift into a loading dock and still get workman's comp.

Quite right. When my buddy and I watch his kids, we have some beers. His wife drinks while we're all there with the kids. Some people would probably have a problem with that. I say, "So what?" The kids are always taken care of first. There's no neglect or child abuse. So what's the problem?

Granted...their two-year-old is always going after our beer...

My bad..I missed the "Modest Proposal" portion of the article, I guess. What Sick says is the "happy medium" I was thinking about. In my world there is a huge difference between having a beer and getting stoned...but that is a different discussion.

Gringo

Spokane, WA

May 2006

AUG 21, 2007 05:47 PM

MrMat said:
The Gringo hit the nail on the head:

Don't have kids!

Kids are ruining our planet.

That's not what I was saying. I don't want to have kids. I don't think that every person should have kids just for the fucking sake of saying, "Yay! I reproduced!"

It's not like we haven't already overpopulated this planet.

gillycat

USA

March 2006

AUG 21, 2007 06:23 PM

tangentially, did anyone else think Bitch was talking about this Highlights for a second?

CannedAir

Tempe, AZ

June 2007

AUG 21, 2007 06:32 PM

gillycat said:
tangentially, did anyone else think Bitch was talking about this Highlights for a second?

ha thats exactly what i thought... while weed and booze in moderation might not be too bad.. the whole meth thing to me that i read about in a few of her articles kinda urks me.. i live in a general viscinity of a HUGE problem of tweekers and it to me just seems like one of those things that is way too easy to slip into a hardcore addiction with... seen alot of people start recreationally and end up dead on a deflated air mattress with no furniture or anything to thier name... gonna hafta say that shouldnt be chalked up there as recreational....

GRAK

Iraq

February 2007

AUG 21, 2007 06:37 PM

Depends on the parent; I have had friends with parents who were horrible parents that drank and/or smoked and I have friends whose parents kicked ass and they also drank and/or smoked.