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Mommy Drinks Because You Cry

TUESDAY AUGUST 21 2007 4:00 PM

Submitted by Bitch_PhD. Edited By erin_broadley.

TAGS: mothers, back to school, parents, drugs, alcohol

I always like it when mamas talk about what motherhood is actually like, rather than faking the Stepford soccer mom personality we all feel like we're "supposed" to have. Today was the first day of school for my kid and I'm frazzled, so in honor of mamas everywhere who are gearing up for the new school year and dragging themselves and their kids through Target or KMart in search of the lists of required school supplies, I thought I'd say a little bit today about parents and drug use.

Y'all might (or might not) remember the flamewars about meth users and women who drink while pregnant. And maybe you're aware of Frank Owen's new book about meth, which is getting good reviews --Owen argues that each era has its representative drug, and that meth is all the rage right now in part because it serves our desire for busy, focused, productivity, which makes sense to me.

And here's another nice piece that goes beyond the conventional wisdom about drug use, specifically, drug use as a parent. In Highlights, Babble's "Bad Parent" column, L.J. Wilson, bless her, talks about why smoking pot makes her a better parent, dammit.

There are those who believe anyone who gets stoned while caring for a child should receive a visit from child protective services. But there are times when I find myself snapping at my now six-year-old son over normal foibles, or when I find myself too distracted by mundane household chores to sit down and focus on his needs, that I realize that my making a quick and discreet trip to the garage would do me � and him � a world of good.

Amen, my sister. I don't smoke pot--it just makes me paranoid, and I don't really enjoy it--but god knows there are days when mama needs a drink and a cigarette, thankyouverymuch. And of course there's the anti-depressants. What can I say, I'm a traditionalist: the old-school mother's little helpers work just fine for me. But hey, if Mama Wilson wants to smoke a joint now and again, far be it from me to criticize her for that.

Now of course, before everyone gets all shrill n' shit, blah blah drug addiction is a serious problem, blah blah bad example for the kiddos, blah blah children are the Most Important Things In Our Lives, blah blah. The point here isn't to promote parental addiction. The point is that parents are actual human beings, just like everyone else. Some of us are as conventional and safe as Ward and June; but some of us enjoy a drink or a joint or an occasional lost weekend just like anyone else. And yeah, some of us are seriously fucked up. But just like "regular" people, most parents are actually capable of using yer common recreational drugs responsibly (and those who aren't, aren't gonna stop being fucked up just because Society Disapproves, alas.)

So yeah. If you're a mom (or a dad) with that brain-dead "jesus, how many stores do I have to go to to find oil pastels, dammit" thing going on, or if you're an impatient child-free sort who feels bitchy and impatient with all those back-to-school families that seem to be everywhere again, pour yourself a fucking drink, fire up a joint, whatever. Chill out. In a few weeks we'll all be back to normal again--whatever that means.

Bitch_PhD is, in fact, a soccer mom this year.

72 Comments

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Clidna

Emo, ON

January 2005

AUG 21, 2007 04:21 PM

I think all Moms (and Dads) and probably society as a whole, would be better off without summer holidays... year round schooling rocks. Unfortunately, we don't have it in our area.

swedrock

Louisville, KY

October 2005

AUG 21, 2007 04:22 PM

Chill out. In a few weeks you will be under material, but not overwhelming pressure, and it will last for 20 years. I do like the Town and Country Minivan. So Sorry...

Open_Wound

Palm Desert, CA

May 2005

AUG 21, 2007 04:35 PM

Just blazed in the garage. If I have to walk into one more store to find the right shoes for my 12-year old daughter, Imma snap.

But my wife's here, and she doesn't toke or drink.

DownNeck

Bloomfield, NJ

March 2006

AUG 21, 2007 04:36 PM

so...the point of this article is to highlight the fact that parents, similar to many other people, like to occasionally resort to recreational alcohol or drug use?

pulitzer level stuff, there. bravo.

next article: trees are made of wood.

just to add something substantive to the discussion...to be frank I hadn't noticed the back-to-schoolers, personally. don't spend much time in malls and whatnot

Gringo

Liberty Lake, WA

May 2006

AUG 21, 2007 04:38 PM

I don't believe that drugs should be illegal to possess or use. They should just have the same public intoxication laws as alcohol.

CherryCoke

North Conway, NH

May 2007

AUG 21, 2007 04:42 PM

Sometimes I feel as if my mother, who drank too much when me and my siblings were younger, raised me to be more prepared for the real world than some of my friends who had parent who were real tight asses and didn't do anything 'bad' as parents.

PatrickY

Vancouver, WA

December 2003

AUG 21, 2007 04:45 PM

DownNeck said:
so...the point of this article is to highlight the fact that parents, similar to many other people, like to occasionally resort to recreational alcohol or drug use?

pulitzer level stuff, there. bravo.

next article: trees are made of wood.

Could you just shut the fuck up, please? People get that you don't like PhD's articles. It isn't necessary to drop in and remind us of that fact every time she posts.

InnocentSid

Providence, RI

June 2007

AUG 21, 2007 04:55 PM

I always enjoy your articles. This one left me saying "WTF"? What is it that you are saying? Are you saying that parents should do drugs?

Let's bring up more children by absent drugged out parents. The choice should not be between drugged out wasted parents and suburbia drones. How about well adjusted parents who bring up well adjusted cool kids? While I do not have kids, I see most of my friends being in neither extreme and their kids are quite awesome.

xazapdmytinu

Fort Collins, CO

July 2007

AUG 21, 2007 05:03 PM

InnocentSid said:
I always enjoy your articles. This one left me saying "WTF"? What is it that you are saying? Are you saying that parents should do drugs?

Let's bring up more children by absent drugged out parents. The choice should not be between drugged out wasted parents and suburbia drones. How about well adjusted parents who bring up well adjusted cool kids? While I do not have kids, I see most of my friends being in neither extreme and their kids are quite awesome.

I think she's using hyperbole to highlight the fact that plenty of parents do drugs but it's only the absent drugged out ones we hear about. It's not a matter of advocating drug use in parents. It's that parents who smoke pot or even drink occasionally are viewed as somehow worse than alcoholics who drive to work at a warehouse drunk, crash a forklift into a loading dock and still get workman's comp.

Sick

Minneapolis, MN

June 2003

AUG 21, 2007 05:13 PM

xazapdmytinu said:

Quite right. When my buddy and I watch his kids, we have some beers. His wife drinks while we're all there with the kids. Some people would probably have a problem with that. I say, "So what?" The kids are always taken care of first. There's no neglect or child abuse. So what's the problem?

Granted...their two-year-old is always going after our beer...

Gringo

Liberty Lake, WA

May 2006

AUG 21, 2007 05:16 PM

Sick said:
Granted...their two-year-old is always going after our beer...

Shit. I totally misread that at first and thought it said, "their two-year-old is always going OUT FOR our beer."

I was going to have my vasectomy reversed.

Just kidding. I still don't want kids.

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Morocco

AUG 21, 2007 05:17 PM

There is a difference between a parent who occasionally drinks and/or occasionally uses drugs and a "drugged out wasted parent".

On another note, I too am sick of hearing DownNeck have to chime in every time Bitch_PhD writes an article. Insecurity issues much?

flabajaba2213

Bristol, RI

July 2006

AUG 21, 2007 05:18 PM

xazapdmytinu said:

Exactly.

It's the same reason why there is maybe 5 minutes of good news in a whole hour (I watch the news now to get entertained, not informed).

Bad news sells. Good news doesn't.

Who wants to hear about the decent parent that enjoys the occasional bloody mary or mary j?

We want to hear about the cracked out parent whoring out their 8 year old to get their fix, damn't!

flabajaba2213

Bristol, RI

July 2006

AUG 21, 2007 05:21 PM

Sick said:

Quite right. When my buddy and I watch his kids, we have some beers. His wife drinks while we're all there with the kids. Some people would probably have a problem with that. I say, "So what?" The kids are always taken care of first. There's no neglect or child abuse. So what's the problem?

Granted...their two-year-old is always going after our beer...

You have to spend some time in Maine. In my 2.5 year visit, I became aware of a phenomena called a "stevah". (stay-vuh)

It is basically a drinking party where under-aged kids drink under parental supervision.

The reasoning: Parents would rather that their children learn to respect and use alcohol properly under their guidance than to leave it to the frat boys.

It is actually a really unique experience!