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  • THURSDAY AUGUST 2 2007 12:00 AM

Why Do I Fuck Thee? Let Me Count The Ways



Humans have sex. Lots of it.

We give it many names; intercourse, coitus, "making love," fucking, boinking, and so on. According to the Kinsey Institute, 54% of men think about doin' the nasty everyday or several times a day, while only 19% of women give nookie the same amount of thought.

But why do we make whoopee? University of Texas researchers spent five years on a study to answer that very question, and discovered over 200 reasons for the No-Pants Dance.

After exhaustively compiling a list of the 237 reasons why people have sex, researchers found that young men and women get intimate for mostly the same motivations. It's more about lust in the body than a love connection in the heart.

"It's refuted a lot of gender stereotypes ... that men only want sex for the physical pleasure and women want love," said University of Texas clinical psychology professor Cindy Meston, the study's co-author. "That's not what I came up with in my findings."

Meston and colleague David Buss first questioned 444 men and women — ranging in age from 17 to 52 — to come up with a list of 237 distinct reasons people have sex. They ranged from "It's fun" which men ranked fourth and women ranked eighth to "I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease" which ranked on the bottom by women.


Some others on the bottom of the list include "I wanted to punish myself," "I wanted to get a job," and, I shit you not, "I wanted to feel closer to God."

Speaking of conservative Christians, "I wanted to have a child" also ranked poorly.. Because they don't have sex. Jesus rides a stork and drops the baby in the cabbage patch. That's how it goes, right?

The top ten reasons for sex (men and women) are as follows:

TOP TEN REASONS - MEN
1. I was attracted to the person
2. It feels good
3. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure
4. It’s fun
5. I wanted to show my affection to the person
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release
7. I was ‘‘horny’’
8. I wanted to express my love for the person
9. I wanted to achieve an orgasm
10. I wanted to please my partner

TOP 10 REASONS - WOMEN
1. I was attracted to the person
2. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure
3. It feels good
4. I wanted to show my affection to the person
5. I wanted to express my love for the person
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release
7. I was ‘‘horny’’
8. It’s fun
9. I realized I was in love
10. I was ‘‘in the heat of the moment’’


Now all we need is a study titled "Why They Don't Call the Next Morning."

"Why Humans Have Sex"

thefreak wonders why "Couldn't Pay for the Pizza" didn't make the list.

 

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Comments
d20

d20

San Francisco, CA
September 2003

AUG 02, 2007 11:09 AM

i'm going to have to go with the mountain climbers on this one.

whodoyoudo

whodoyoudo

I'm lost
December 2005

AUG 02, 2007 12:39 PM

"it was better than smoking crack"
"she was tied to the bed, what was I supposed to do?"
"she threatened me"
"the devil made me do it"

saturdaypunk

saturdaypunk

Fort Worth, TX
May 2007

AUG 02, 2007 04:17 PM

Rafi said:
The top rated reasons are alright, but the real gold is in the most infrequent reasons that came up:

- Because of a bet
- I wanted to get rid of a headache
- I wanted to change the topic of conversation shocked
- It was an initiation rite to a club or organization
- I wanted to have more sex than my friends
- I thought it would make me feel healthy
- It is my genetic imperative tongue



Do you possibly read the webcomic Questionable Content?

Ginary

Ginary

SUICIDEGIRL

Florida, USA

AUG 02, 2007 04:28 PM

I couldnt think of anything better to do
The wine
I was bored
I love it

SockPuppet

SockPuppet

I'm lost
July 2006

AUG 02, 2007 04:45 PM

saturdaypunk said:

Rafi said:
The top rated reasons are alright, but the real gold is in the most infrequent reasons that came up:

- Because of a bet
- I wanted to get rid of a headache
- I wanted to change the topic of conversation shocked
- It was an initiation rite to a club or organization
- I wanted to have more sex than my friends
- I thought it would make me feel healthy
- It is my genetic imperative tongue



Do you possibly read the webcomic Questionable Content?



I do. Why do you ask?

BobbinTB

BobbinTB

American Falls, ID
July 2004

AUG 02, 2007 04:46 PM

said:After exhaustively compiling a list of the 237 reasons why people have sex...





that "exhaustively" made me giggle

NikTc

NikTc

San Diego, CA
December 2005

AUG 02, 2007 05:49 PM

spelling is overrated. English isn't my first language.

stem

stem

Anchorage, AK
January 2007

AUG 02, 2007 06:51 PM

I think I'll stick with the classic:
I was dead at the time.

Nimbusfool

Nimbusfool

Moscow, ID
August 2006

AUG 03, 2007 02:18 AM

wow, I'm touching myself right now!

RyleeStrange

RyleeStrange

Los Angeles, CA
February 2007

AUG 03, 2007 05:22 AM

doesn't "because i could" factor in here at all?

BlueIvy

BlueIvy

I'm lost
January 2007

AUG 03, 2007 02:10 PM

Because he had a nice cock
Because she had nice breast and pussy...
Because his/her eyes were full of lust and THAT excited me
Because he or she knew how to talk dirty
Because he or she grabbed my hair to forcefully kiss me
Because I'm playful and that's the best game when you find a good partner...


miao!! thinking of it excites me...

Formus

Formus

Milwaukee, WI
May 2007

AUG 03, 2007 02:24 PM

catdad said:

craftygrrl said:
On the men's list aren't numbers 2,3, and 9 basically the same thing? Same with 6 and 7.

Doesn't seem like rocket science.... just sayin'. whatever



Yeah. There's actually just 10 reasons, but 237 different ways to say them.



Sort of like how there are only 30 plots in every story ever told, as discovered by studying Russian fables.

Rafi

Rafi

Santa Monica, CA
January 2003

AUG 03, 2007 02:51 PM

saturdaypunk said:

Rafi said:
The top rated reasons are alright, but the real gold is in the most infrequent reasons that came up:

- Because of a bet
- I wanted to get rid of a headache
- I wanted to change the topic of conversation shocked
- It was an initiation rite to a club or organization
- I wanted to have more sex than my friends
- I thought it would make me feel healthy
- It is my genetic imperative tongue



Do you possibly read the webcomic Questionable Content?



Erm. . . no, actually, the reasons were taken directly from the pdf sheet on the study.

Please to be explaining the question?

antmcg79

antmcg79

Columbus, GA
August 2006

AUG 03, 2007 02:54 PM

Has anyone ever done it because the Viagra they took gave them an erection lasting more than 4 hours, but instead of calling the physician, they called their ex? biggrin

Quirky

Quirky

Birmingham, AL
October 2005

AUG 03, 2007 03:32 PM

"Because I felt like sinning."

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