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  • THURSDAY AUGUST 2 2007 12:00 AM

Why Do I Fuck Thee? Let Me Count The Ways

Submitted by thefreak

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: sex, sexuality, research, study



Humans have sex. Lots of it.

We give it many names; intercourse, coitus, "making love," fucking, boinking, and so on. According to the Kinsey Institute, 54% of men think about doin' the nasty everyday or several times a day, while only 19% of women give nookie the same amount of thought.

But why do we make whoopee? University of Texas researchers spent five years on a study to answer that very question, and discovered over 200 reasons for the No-Pants Dance.

After exhaustively compiling a list of the 237 reasons why people have sex, researchers found that young men and women get intimate for mostly the same motivations. It's more about lust in the body than a love connection in the heart.

"It's refuted a lot of gender stereotypes ... that men only want sex for the physical pleasure and women want love," said University of Texas clinical psychology professor Cindy Meston, the study's co-author. "That's not what I came up with in my findings."

Meston and colleague David Buss first questioned 444 men and women — ranging in age from 17 to 52 — to come up with a list of 237 distinct reasons people have sex. They ranged from "It's fun" which men ranked fourth and women ranked eighth to "I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease" which ranked on the bottom by women.


Some others on the bottom of the list include "I wanted to punish myself," "I wanted to get a job," and, I shit you not, "I wanted to feel closer to God."

Speaking of conservative Christians, "I wanted to have a child" also ranked poorly.. Because they don't have sex. Jesus rides a stork and drops the baby in the cabbage patch. That's how it goes, right?

The top ten reasons for sex (men and women) are as follows:

TOP TEN REASONS - MEN
1. I was attracted to the person
2. It feels good
3. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure
4. It’s fun
5. I wanted to show my affection to the person
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release
7. I was ‘‘horny’’
8. I wanted to express my love for the person
9. I wanted to achieve an orgasm
10. I wanted to please my partner

TOP 10 REASONS - WOMEN
1. I was attracted to the person
2. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure
3. It feels good
4. I wanted to show my affection to the person
5. I wanted to express my love for the person
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release
7. I was ‘‘horny’’
8. It’s fun
9. I realized I was in love
10. I was ‘‘in the heat of the moment’’


Now all we need is a study titled "Why They Don't Call the Next Morning."

"Why Humans Have Sex"

thefreak wonders why "Couldn't Pay for the Pizza" didn't make the list.

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Comments
Jasper

Jasper

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

AUG 02, 2007 12:16 AM

my personal #1:
I wanted to get to all the good ones before everyone else.

FreakPirate

FreakPirate

Canada
November 2002

AUG 02, 2007 12:21 AM

thefreak said:

thefreak wonders why "Couldn't Pay for the Pizza" didn't make the list.



"I really needed my cable fixed"

RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

Baton Rouge, LA
January 2006

AUG 02, 2007 12:25 AM

FreakPirate said:

thefreak said:

thefreak wonders why "Couldn't Pay for the Pizza" didn't make the list.



"I really needed my cable fixed"



"Cocaine's a helluva drug."

craftygrrl

craftygrrl

Bellingham, WA
July 2006

AUG 02, 2007 12:29 AM

On the men's list aren't numbers 2,3, and 9 basically the same thing? Same with 6 and 7.

Doesn't seem like rocket science.... just sayin'. whatever

FreakPirate

FreakPirate

Canada
November 2002

AUG 02, 2007 12:33 AM

Rudie_Cant_Fail said:

"Cocaine's a helluva drug."



"Oh yes. I need my pipes cleaned"

catdad

catdad

Portland, OR
August 2002

AUG 02, 2007 12:36 AM

craftygrrl said:
On the men's list aren't numbers 2,3, and 9 basically the same thing? Same with 6 and 7.

Doesn't seem like rocket science.... just sayin'. whatever



Yeah. There's actually just 10 reasons, but 237 different ways to say them.

Vestril

Vestril

Coronado, CA
February 2003

AUG 02, 2007 12:39 AM

"I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease"



Did they keep track of who filled out these responses?...

Qiqel

Qiqel

Japan
January 2004

AUG 02, 2007 01:35 AM

The problem is that they try to find rational reasons for actions that have already happened for irrational reasons.

In other words, the answers you get are not the reasons for having sex.. they are attempts at rationalisation of having sex long after (when we are also likely to be somewhat reluctant to recall the events fully and speak about them truthfully).

That people don't say "because I fell in love" or "because he was beautiful as a prince" or "because she was so gentle" is merely a cultural difference between us and our grandparents, but the reasons are always the same and irrational.



Et sur l`imperiale
Le coeur dans les etoiles
Il y avait mon grand-pere
Il y avait ma grand-mere
Il etait militaire
Elle etait fonctionnaire
Il pensait pas elle pensait rien
Et on voudrait que je sois malin



(Jacques Brel, "Bruxelles")

imclever

imclever

Kent, WA
February 2007

AUG 02, 2007 02:12 AM

"My hands were tired."

Postblank

Postblank

New Brunswick, NJ
June 2004

AUG 02, 2007 02:21 AM

There needs to be a reality show based around "I wanted to improve my sexual skills." Sit the person down, tell them that's why you had sex with them and have a radar gun clock at what speed their body hits the second floor window.

Tiger_Fodder

Tiger_Fodder

Braintree, MA
June 2007

AUG 02, 2007 03:47 AM

I think people are lying on these surveys. For example, "54% of men think about doin' the nasty everyday or several times a day." The other 46% are lying. C'mon what guy does not think of it at least once a day?

TerdFerguson

TerdFerguson

Tucson, AZ
November 2004

AUG 02, 2007 03:50 AM

How about, "I felt my abs could've used the workout"?

Shell_Shock

Shell_Shock

Rockmart, GA
May 2007

AUG 02, 2007 04:01 AM

I'm doing it because there is just absolutely nothing but crap on TV.

Soyjuice

Soyjuice

Menlo Park, CA
August 2005

AUG 02, 2007 04:02 AM

how about "for the cash?"

Rafi

Rafi

Santa Monica, CA
January 2003

AUG 02, 2007 04:17 AM

The top rated reasons are alright, but the real gold is in the most infrequent reasons that came up:

- Because of a bet
- I wanted to get rid of a headache
- I wanted to change the topic of conversation shocked
- It was an initiation rite to a club or organization
- I wanted to have more sex than my friends
- I thought it would make me feel healthy
- It is my genetic imperative tongue

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