I live in San Francisco. The vast majority of you idiots reading this do not. My city is better than yours. Period. No argument.

Now, I’m not simply throwing this out there willy-nilly. Sure, everyone thinks their city is the best (except for those of you living in Fresno or Denver or something) but I have actual proof. And I’m not even talking about proof in the our-weather-is-better kind of way or the have-you-seen-our-views!? kind of way. I’m talking about actual scientific proof.

F’reals, assholes.

That’s right. I know you’re jealous, but it’s not my fault your cities aren’t as rad as mine. By definition, no city can be more “gay friendly” than San Francisco. Thus, all of the cool people are naturally attracted here. I didn’t look this up or anything, but I’m pretty sure that on a scale of 1-10, San Francisco’s “Bohemian-Gay Index” is going to be approximately a 150. By contrast, I’m figuring that a place like Boston or New York would be like a 17, Houston or Detroit would be a 5 and LA would be about a 2.75 (because if Los Angelenos were creative at all they would surely be able to think of a better place to live than Los Angeles.)

How does this “more gays equals more money” equation work? Well, Professor (and future SF Mayor) Florida has this to say.

The full story of how much exactly everyone should envy me for my area code’s overwhelming personal, cultural and economic superiority can be found here. In case you’re more of a passive learner, I've included some clips of the good professor explaining things. He yammers on a bit about the power of “creativity” and how that “creativity” leads to greater intelligence, cultural relevance and competitive economic ability, but don’t lose sight of what you should really be taking from his work: that San Franciscans are better than you.


Were you counting how many more times San Francisco (or its surrounding areas) were mentioned vs. how many times any other city was mentioned? Because I was, and it was twice as much as any other city. That makes the Baghdad by the Bay twice as good. It's simple mathematics and everyone else can eat a dick.

I suppose it is also worth discussing his ancillary point, because the idea that artistic and cultural creativity is a strong indicator of economic prosperity makes a lot of sense. Furthermore, the idea that artistically and culturally creative people are attracted to open-minded areas where risk-taking and divergent lifestyles are accepted makes even more sense. What’s more, the numbers seem to bear it out. The areas of the country that are known for fostering an open, creative environment are our current centers of industry. The areas of the country who are not, simply aren’t.

But again, that’s the secondary point. The real lesson to take from this is that the more you other plebes try to make your city like San Francisco, the better off you’ll be. Not just in the intellectual, cultural or existential senses, but in the pocketbook as well. Now get going, kids, and good luck. You’re gonna need it, suckers!


This is the 100th article I have been fortunate enough to write for the SuicideGirls.com Newswire. I’d like to earnestly thank those who have let me write and those who have bothered to read. It’s been a great time, and very rewarding for me. Thanks again, and I’ll see you around.