• news
  • THURSDAY JULY 12 2007 12:00 AM

For Richer or for Richer: Marrying a bin Laden

Submitted by Rahodeb

Edited by Rahodeb



There are families that you want to marry into. The Rockefellers, for example, are a pretty good choice. The Hiltons have some baggage, sure, and the Kennedys have a curse, but you could do worse.

Then there are the families whom you're really better off just staying away from altogether. Osama bin Laden's brood springs to mind.

Sure, the now dethroned Judith Regan was ready and willing to sign bin Laden's niece, Wafah Dufour to a reality TV deal, but that's not marriage. That's just the way that (crazy, sensational, money-hungry, exploitative) Judith Regan did business!

Marriage, though—marriage is 'til death (or fatwa, or jihad, or honor killing) do you part! Marriage is serious stuff, which is why this lady takes the cake: The crazy, crack-rock with crystal-meth-icing cake.

A British woman has married a son of Osama bin Laden after a holiday romance and is to apply for a visa so that he can visit Britain, The Times has learnt.

Jane Felix-Browne, a 51-year-old grandmother and parish councillor from Cheshire, has until now kept her marriage to Omar Ossama bin Laden, 27, secret from everyone apart from her immediate family and close friends. But she has now agreed to speak about her relationship with bin Laden’s fourth eldest son.

Okay, so I know what you're thinking. This woman is the batshit crazy, British Islamophile version of Demi Moore, right? WRONG. I'm totally onto this broad, and she's actually quite brilliant. Check this out:

Mrs Felix-Browne is still coming to terms with the practical difficulties of being the daughter-in-law of a man with a $25 million (£12.5 million) bounty on his head. “Omar is wary of everyone. He is constantly watching people who he feels might be following him. Not without reason he is fearful of cameras. He is the son of Osama,” she said. “But when we are together he forgets his life.”

$25 million bounty...forgets his life...? Jane Felix-Browne is after the money! She's not just a cougar who enjoys sex with men 25 years her junior. She's a cougar who enjoys sex with men 25 years her junior who can lead her to Osama bin Laden and the $25 million bounty on his head.

Who knows. Maybe they're working together, and plan to split the prize. Either that, or Omar pitches one helluva big ol' Bedouin tent.

  • PERMALINK
  • PRINT
  • Digg This
  • Email To A Friend
 

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2 | 3

Next

Comments
imclever

imclever

Kent, WA
February 2007

JUL 12, 2007 01:53 AM

She looks really good for 51.

I think the "relative of Osama bin Laden = EVIL" crowd is a bit absurd.

semiretiredpunk

semiretiredpunk

USA
March 2007

JUL 12, 2007 02:40 AM

I agree on both points. But with the whole "turn-in-Osama's-offspring-for-profit" scenario, I have a better idea. How much would the bounty be for one of his grandkids? 'Cause, you know, she could just keep him safe and keep churning those out, turning them in, and never have to work again. wink

Baletempest

Baletempest

United Kingdom
February 2005

JUL 12, 2007 03:05 AM


who can lead her to Osama bin Laden and the $25 million bounty on his head.



Assuming he knows where his father is...

Bladen

Bladen

USA
February 2007

JUL 12, 2007 05:36 AM

if they want to make 25 mil, have the dude write a book or something.

Alz

Alz

Lincoln, NE
February 2007

JUL 12, 2007 05:55 AM

Honestly, if the guy dresses like that (looking pretty damn western to me) he's probably not on his dad's good side. But marrying for a hopeful split of the bounty is just silly.

Quirky

Quirky

Birmingham, AL
October 2005

JUL 12, 2007 06:35 AM

He looks really fucken hot.

Chainlink

Chainlink

Key West, FL
August 2005

JUL 12, 2007 06:53 AM

I don't understand this article at all.

redconsensus

redconsensus

Baltimore, MD
August 2004

JUL 12, 2007 07:06 AM

They are a pretty good looking couple.

slayn001

slayn001

United Kingdom
February 2005

JUL 12, 2007 07:59 AM

_Poptard_ said:
He looks really fucken hot.



+1

OpticNerve

OpticNerve

Arlington, MA
November 2003

JUL 12, 2007 08:11 AM

Maybe this guy is like the Michael Corleone of the Bin Laden family.

Jimbo

Jimbo

Dallas, TX
August 2003

JUL 12, 2007 08:23 AM

OpticNerve said:
Maybe this guy is like the Michael Corleone of the Bin Laden family.



yeah.. but we all know what happened to him

JFlizzle

JFlizzle

Honduras
March 2007

JUL 12, 2007 08:25 AM

slayn001 said:

_Poptard_ said:
He looks really fucken hot.



+1



+1. Ya'll beat me to it, haha. It CAN'T just be that he's fucking hot. It HAS to be because she has the alterior motive of leading the authorities to his father for money. whatever whatever whatever whatever

Rahodeb

Rahodeb

Los Angeles, CA
March 2006

JUL 12, 2007 09:33 AM

chainlink said:
I don't understand this article at all.



Hmm, really? I think maybe that's more a commentary on your own mental capacities than it is on the article.

Is there not something a little bit off about a 51-year old woman who marries a 27-year old (already married) man who happens to be the 4th eldest son of Osama bin Laden, and then the two apply for a visa, so that he can "visit" her in Britain?

When y'all see someone as "fucken hot" as Omar, do you marry this person, or do you just get it on? Oh, you marry them? My mistake.

The "joke" in the article is the "conspiracy theory" that the couple are working together to gain the bounty on Osama's head.

The "joke" in real life...well, that remains to be seen. Most likely they're both just out of their minds.

erin_broadley

erin_broadley

Los Angeles, CA
October 2006

JUL 12, 2007 09:40 AM

Either that, or Omar pitches one helluva big ol' Bedouin tent.


Niiiiice. Great article Helen! Isn't marital bliss precious??

SignalNoise

SignalNoise

USA
February 2004

JUL 12, 2007 10:47 AM

Maybe I'm nuts, but in that picture she looks like Chyna.

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2 | 3

Next

featured interviews