It wasn’t so long ago that I did a jokey little write-up on Booz2Go, a form of powdered alcohol recently developed in the Netherlands. The whole thing seemed relatively harmless, despite the fact the creators had added a lime flavoring so they could market it to children. Well, the latest evolution of powdered kid-baiting toxicity has begun to appear state-side, and it’s a lot less cute than 3% alcohol lime-fizz.

The Sacramento Bee reports that DEA agents in Yolo County, California recently impounded 3 pounds of strawberry and coconut flavored cocaine. Heavens! Why, oh why, would someone taint their precious stash?

Notice he pretends to have never tasted cocaine… sure, Roy. He knows as well as I do that blow tastes like the inside of the aspirin fairy's bitter butthole after a Campari colonic.

Flavored coke, you see, is one of those substances that’s long been rumored to exist, though its authenticity has been difficult to gauge. Last fall TMZ, Defamer, and several other gossip sites ran a flurry of stories about Hollywood’s obsession with “strawberry-tinged booger sugar.” Their sources suggest flavored varieties of the drug have been around forever, though the Yolo County bust is the only case of a large amount being seized by law enforcement.

Typically you’d think candy flavorings are added to hook kids and teens, as is the case with Booz2Go and “Strawberry Quik” (flavored meth), and they’re usually priced accordingly. Even the newest form of heroin, called “cheese”, while not actually flavored, is being pushed towards our youth with its weird but innocuous name and low price-tag. Flavored yay, however, is fucking expensive:

Even though the price of non-flavored cocaine is dropping, one can only hope the high sticker price of the fruity kind will be an inhibitive factor for our oh-so-vulnerable youth. So unless your kids are celebrities or rich bastards (or sleeping with them), chances are they won’t get their hands on this crap anyway. When the heroin dealers come up with something less repulsive sounding than “cheese”, however, we can all start worrying.