Peel away the sinister connotations movies and metal bands associate with the concept of death and what's left? The painfully slow act itself. Barring accidents and freak forms of expiration, it would likely be a slow descent; an uncomfortable and frightening transition for the one about to succumb and a long, painful process for his or her loved ones. Beyond that, the tedious day-in-day-out slipping away would be maddeningly boring, and certainly not something others would want to watch… or would they? Spiegel Online reports:

To a lot of you the idea is probably a little off-putting, if not downright disturbing, but there's an interesting logic behind EosTV’s impending inception. It seems that Germany, despite having around 82,000,000 inhabitants, has a very low birth rate compared to other parts of the world; last year almost 150,000 more people died than were born. Besides causing a decline in overall population, what this does is cause a shift in the television viewing demographic.

Some of the programming ideas for the channel include documentaries about cemeteries, helpful tips about finding retirement homes, and explorations into the changing ways in which we cope with death, as allowed by the advent of modern technology and the internet. The channel even plans to offer their own modern take on mourning: TV obituaries.

It may not be a necessary innovation, but I suppose someone might be interested in getting teary-eyed over a clip of dearly departed Uncle Fritz. But if I were actually old and ‘on my way out’, I’m not so sure I’d want to sit around and wax depressive watching death all day. The programmers at EosTV are surely aware of that, as there will also be shows about retirement homes, nursing care, and installing a stair lift in your home. Stair lifts, as you may not have known, make for compelling viewing.



Ok, so my idea of “Death TV” may be more akin to “Elderly TV”, though something tells me by focusing a little more on the gloomy side of things EosTV could tap into Germany’s ever-present goth scene, which is very much alive. And now that I think of it, I wonder if the founder of the network isn’t the one with the unnatural fixation on death:

It’s his, uh, breathless excitement that has lead to the inclusion of "entertainment programs" and documentaries about famous cemeteries. But programming aside, when the dirt hits the shovel, so to speak, Germany will have an interesting addition to their cable lineup… and it's one that may be headed to other shores soon.

'Til then, the morbid and the elderly will have to wait with bated breath, contenting themselves with Six Feet Under reruns.