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  • MONDAY JUNE 25 2007 5:00 PM

New Miracle Cure: Good Old Fashioned Whipping

Submitted by evanharos

Edited by erin_broadley



Scientists in Siberia announced a new, or rather old-school treatment for such disorders as suicidal depression and addiction: whipping.

Russian scientists recommend the following course of the whipping therapy: 30 sessions of 60 whips on the buttocks in every procedure. A group of drug addicts volunteered to test the new method of treatment: the results can be described as good and excellent.


Claiming that addictive behavior, psychosomatic illness and thoughts of suicide are the result of “loss of interest in life,” the Russian scientists contend that the painful effects of whipping and other torturous activities raise the count of the body’s endorphins, the hormonal substance that gives humans feelings of pleasure.

”The whipping therapy becomes much more efficient when a patient receives the punishment from a person of the opposite sex. The effect is astounding: the patient starts seeing only bright colors in the surrounding world, the heartache disappears, although it will take a certain time for the buttocks to heal, of course,” Sergei Speransky told the Izvestia newspaper.


So if you’re feeling bummed out why not save a few bucks, skip the Zoloft and get that special someone in your life to lay a leather strap across your ass?

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Comments
Lufy

Lufy

Ithaca, NY
May 2004

JUN 26, 2007 01:01 PM

jpmansell said:

Nixon said:
I love that I came to check this thread as soon as I saw it...and aparrently I was allready here.... tongue



Don't you hate when you go through the trouble to go somewhere and find out that you are already there



Thats because wherever you go, there you are.

joker_

joker_

Minneapolis, MN
October 2005

JUN 26, 2007 01:53 PM

Hmmm, this is great news. Next up they need to study Shibari.

autodidactic

autodidactic

Minneapolis, MN
March 2005

JUN 26, 2007 02:34 PM

I bet you anything it has to do hooking up to your own endorphins. The best drugs are from within, sometimes!

Evilgasm

Evilgasm

Netherlands
April 2007

JUN 26, 2007 04:27 PM

Nixon said:
I love that I came to check this thread as soon as I saw it...and aparrently I was allready here.... tongue



I believe the phrase "My reputation has preceded me" is the one you need....tongue

Rafi said:
The whippings will continue until morale improves!!



+1

SockPuppet

SockPuppet

I'm lost
July 2006

JUN 26, 2007 04:48 PM

Volkov said:


Scientists in Siberia



am I the only one who found this the funniest part of the whole story?


Those weren't gulags! those were health spas!



Yes, you were. Why would the existence of gulags in Siberia preclude scientists there? We are talking about a quarter of a continent here.

Volkov

Volkov

San Antonio, TX
OLD SKOOL

JUN 27, 2007 04:23 AM

SockPuppet said:

Volkov said:


Scientists in Siberia



am I the only one who found this the funniest part of the whole story?


Those weren't gulags! those were health spas!



Yes, you were. Why would the existence of gulags in Siberia preclude scientists there? We are talking about a quarter of a continent here.



*radiocrackle*
all units! all units! APB on Sock Puppet's sense of humor! Last seen in the vicinity of a Current Events thread. foul play is possible. most likely suspect being smug self satisfaction. apprehend on sight. that is all
*radiocrackle*

SockPuppet

SockPuppet

I'm lost
July 2006

JUN 27, 2007 04:08 PM

Volkov said:

SockPuppet said:

Volkov said:


Scientists in Siberia



am I the only one who found this the funniest part of the whole story?


Those weren't gulags! those were health spas!



Yes, you were. Why would the existence of gulags in Siberia preclude scientists there? We are talking about a quarter of a continent here.



*radiocrackle*
all units! all units! APB on Sock Puppet's sense of humor! Last seen in the vicinity of a Current Events thread. foul play is possible. most likely suspect being smug self satisfaction. apprehend on sight. that is all
*radiocrackle*



That's up to you, of course. I just felt you were trying to make some sort of obsolete political point. Either that, or you had a kneejerk reaction, "Siberia = gulag". Or both.

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