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New Miracle Cure: Good Old Fashioned Whipping

MONDAY JUNE 25 2007 5:00 PM

Submitted by evanharos. Edited By erin_broadley.

Scientists in Siberia announced a new, or rather old-school treatment for such disorders as suicidal depression and addiction: whipping.

Russian scientists recommend the following course of the whipping therapy: 30 sessions of 60 whips on the buttocks in every procedure. A group of drug addicts volunteered to test the new method of treatment: the results can be described as good and excellent.

Claiming that addictive behavior, psychosomatic illness and thoughts of suicide are the result of “loss of interest in life,” the Russian scientists contend that the painful effects of whipping and other torturous activities raise the count of the body’s endorphins, the hormonal substance that gives humans feelings of pleasure.

”The whipping therapy becomes much more efficient when a patient receives the punishment from a person of the opposite sex. The effect is astounding: the patient starts seeing only bright colors in the surrounding world, the heartache disappears, although it will take a certain time for the buttocks to heal, of course,” Sergei Speransky told the Izvestia newspaper.

So if you’re feeling bummed out why not save a few bucks, skip the Zoloft and get that special someone in your life to lay a leather strap across your ass?

37 Comments

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RileyStClair

Los Angeles, CA

September 2006

JUN 25, 2007 05:06 PM

great, so now i just have to figure out how to get my health insurance to cover my sessions with a dominatrix.

Chainlink

Iran

August 2005

JUN 25, 2007 05:11 PM

What if I'm depressed because I am addicted to whippings ?

unfiltrator

San Francisco, CA

April 2004

JUN 25, 2007 05:12 PM

Ooh Ooh! I'm depressed! me me!

Kleio

Winona, MN

January 2006

JUN 25, 2007 05:15 PM

Where's Zarth when I need him???

Scinge

Minneapolis, MN

June 2004

JUN 25, 2007 05:27 PM

"I was feeling down and had lost all interest in life due to my being out of Heroin when along came Boris and his big stick to save the day!!!"

Cash

I'm lost

OLD SKOOL

JUN 25, 2007 05:32 PM

The Doctor will see you now.

ogichida30

Concord, CA

September 2004

JUN 25, 2007 05:35 PM

What can I say other than I think I'm feeling a little down on life at the moment.

Flux

SUICIDEGIRL

North Carolina, USA

JUN 25, 2007 05:37 PM

This comes as absolutely no surprise.

SirPsychoSexy

Ridgewood, NJ

January 2004

JUN 25, 2007 05:56 PM

Russian scientists recommend the following course of the whipping therapy: 30 sessions of 60 whips on the buttocks in every procedure. A group of drug addicts volunteered to test the new method of treatment: the results can be described as good and excellent.

Not to burst any ones bubble, but I am guessing that if you volunteered to be whipped in the ass, you probably are in to that sort of thing already.

ogichida30

Concord, CA

September 2004

JUN 25, 2007 06:06 PM

This is the same reason that people turn to "cutting". I had a really great friend with scars all over her arms because she used to be a "cutter", she said it made her feel better aout herself. She stopped after a little therapy, but she did like her spankings.

womperjaw

Dallas, TX

November 2004

JUN 25, 2007 06:25 PM

Y'know, I've had some junkie roommates who I thought could use a good ass-whuppin', but I don't think this is exactly what I had in mind.

magpieboy

Kyrgyzstan

June 2004

JUN 25, 2007 06:51 PM

yourfashionwar said:
great, so now i just have to figure out how to get my health insurance to cover my sessions with a dominatrix.

Don't you want a dominator? It works better if it's the opposite sex, eh?

shapeshifter23

San Francisco, CA

September 2005

JUN 25, 2007 06:59 PM

Jeez... these scientist guys are so smart... always studyin' stuff 'n comin' up with revelations for the betterment of humankind 'n all... I wanna be a scientist when I grow up!...