Christmas is only half a year away, and boy do I have the perfect gift for that dope-smoking miscreant in your life: a DVD called Never Get Busted Again. Filled with helpful tips, the DVD teaches how to properly hide your stash, outsmart pesky canine cops, and a a myriad of ways to defy Johnny Law and keep your weed hidden from his prying piggy eyes. It’s sure to please all manner of drug-users, and anyone else who has some shit to hide from the fuzz. Like… terrorists, maybe.

How do you know the drug-concealing methods contained within Never Get Busted Again will work? Well, they were developed by Barry Cooper, a former ass-kicking Texan narcotics officer. You just know he's hardcore when you see the cop-stache he had back in the day. And he has certificates. Having rejected his do-gooder ways, Barry is now the newest soldier in the War against the War On Drugs, and he’s willing to sell you his expertise for only $19.95. ($29.95 gets you a bonus disc about “Hidden Compartments.”) Here's Barry after a hellacious bust:



According to an excellent article by the AP, for the past six months Cooper has been selling the DVD through his website and several smoke shops. With over 10,000 copies sold (supposedly), that’s a whole lot of immorality being spread amongst the masses. But Cooper doesn’t see it that way:

Ok, so the DVD itself is legal, got it. But in attempting to penetrate Barry’s burning cloud of stoner logic, I’m left a little disoriented. According to Barry, because the law is already “being broken,” telling people how to break the law isn’t considered helping them break it… because the law is already broken. Uh…sure dude. But wait! I can counter his argument with by using stoner logic against him: what if someone took some glue or resin or something and “repaired” the broken law? Then it would be… fixed? No. Stupid fucking logic, Barry.

Oddly enough, I’m not Barry’s only critic. The wacky weed warrior and his cannabis crusade have stirred up quite a few emotions, including jealousy, prissy annoyance, and disappointment.

Aw, whatever. An ex-cop turned burnout needs to make a living too. And there’s something charming about this guy… you’ll know what I mean when you see the video. He used to own a car dealership, then a limo service; at some point he tried promoting cage-fighting, and he’s worked at a church, too. But he didn’t turn to high-er education until his home was raided by the police in 2005. He had quit the force years before, but he claims it was this event -- when the police allegedly “bruised his children” -- that made him realize cops do more harm than good.

Sure, Barry. Either way the footage is hilarious -- and informative, if you're into that. Once you get past his Dr. Phil-like speech pattern you'll realize that he's pretty aware that his viewers will be incredibly high while they watch this, and he caters to them by talking slowly and incorporating props, like his chef’s hat. Here are a few preview clips from Never Get Busted Again, and keep an eye out for his next video, Never Get Raided, coming in September.

Canines


Traffic Stops


Conceal Your Stash