Nothing says “good-time boner” quite like a slime excreting, carrion feasting, hideously-uggz hagfish. Mmm, hagfish, teach me how to love; with your creepy prehensile penis-like body and your mouth puckered like an alien asshole, you sure do push my buttons…



Pardon me, I just get so excited when exposed to bottom-dwelling freaks of nature like the West Coast dwelling hagfish. And I’m not the only one. The Associated Press reports that the disgusting sea-beast commands quite the selling price in South Korea, where the fish is often broiled and served as an appetizer.

In fact, there’s such a hot market for the fish that Californian fishermen are breaking laws in order to catch them, including fishing without permits and using oversized traps. Currently there’s no limit on how many Hagfish can be caught by a single fisherman, but the demand for the fish is new, so experts don’t know what effect this will have on the Pacific population.



But let’s take the time to learn a little about our disgustingly edible friends. For starters: guess how they eat. What’s that? Ummm, no, they don't eat algae, kelp or plankton. They eat the guts of other fish, be they living, dead, or somewhere in between. Now guess how they get to those guts! Says Wikipedia:

Once the hagfish has worked its way inside another sea animal, it uses the teeth-like projections on its tongue to feed on the tasty innards. Here's its sensual mouth:



But the most remarkable feature of the hagfish is its defense mechanism. When attacked, the fish excretes actual “slime”. The slime -- which is supposed to smell awful -- coagulates the surrounding water, hopefully distracting the fisherman or predator, or at the very least completely grossing him / her / it out. Words don't do the slime justice; just watch:



Now that you've learned something of the hagfish and its fascinating anatomical functions you can understand why so many people would want to eat one. I mean, it's hard not to build up an appetite watching that video; I might just have to take a trip to Koreatown... Slime-filled belly: here I come.