Addicted to Metal? You Might Be Disabled
Following up on todays theme of disability, I have breaking news of the heaviest sort. To borrow a phrase: the greatest trick a metalhead ever pulled was convincing the world he was
disabled?!
Swedens The Local presents the case of 42-year-old headbanger Roger Tullgren. Either through dumb luck or sheer brilliance, Roger has managed to convince the Swedish government that his heavy metal addiction is a genuine disability. For serious.
Roger -- being that he is, after all, a metalhead -- has a natural love for heavy metal. When he skips work for a concert, or shows up at his job looking like a gnarly scumfuck, it doesn't go over well with his employers. But seen through the eyes of an imaginative and delusional psychologist, his seeming laziness and disregard for work stem from his inability to express himself and a physical need to bang his head all the live-long day.
I have been trying for ten years to get this classified as a handicap," Tullgren told The Local.
"I spoke to three psychologists and they finally agreed that I needed this to avoid being discriminated against."
Roger, as you have likely guessed, is the smartest man in the world. Befittingly, his rough and tumble powers of persuasion have entitled him to the following state-sanctioned benefits:
- Time off as needed to attend concerts, so long as he makes up the hours when he can.
- The right to listen to metal and wear "heavy-metal attire" while he works.
- A supplement to his income, paid by the Employment Service.
Congratulations, Roger. Admitting you have a problem is the first step on the long razor-strewn road to recovery. With the grace of god you'll surely bear the heavy burden of your metallic disability like an armored saint.
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Emi
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