Let's face it: if it can be constructed, it's only a matter of time until someone figures out a way to put porn on it, and no one is quite as quick on the draw as Japan.

Knowing this, it initially suprised me how much internet-clamoring there seems to be regarding a little game that SNK is currently developing for near-future release on Nintendo DS. The game is called Doki Doki Majo Saiban, and while it is (sadly) not a sequel to Doki Doki Panic, your character does have a lot of rooting around to do -- albeit for a little somethin' more than vegetables.

Yes, that's right. You grope them with your stylus until they get all hot and bothered and reveal their true witchbaby cuteness. Oh Japanese game developers, you're incorrigible! Still, with the veritable cesspool of repugnance available for PC gameplay in Japan, what's a little harmless skirt-lifting witch hunt amongst junior high kids? Perhaps the phrase "junior high kids" is a good hint.



So apparently at least one of the "witch suspects" is straight-up listed on the game's roster as 14 years old, which sent some internet bloggers' monocles blasting across the room; there's also no denying how preciously small and wide-eyed our lovely protagonists have been rendered. From there things just spiraled as pre-official-site rumors flew in sort of a game of telephone, snowballing into photo-chopped images until no one even knows what's right anymore.

Ah, the magic of photoshop. And yet...



As if to quell the gathering pitchfork hordes, CERO (Japan's answer to our Entertainment Software Ratings Board) has finally come out and given Doki Doki a C, which, all things considered, is not half bad. Somewhere in the vicinity of "Rated T for Teen," it means that the game will not, in fact, be explicitly pornographic. Thank heaven for small favors, and all that.

Mostly I think the fascinating thing about all of this is how many questions it raises about intercultural tolerance as well as our own cultural hang-ups. On the one hand, who made us the International Police of Good Taste? With the amount of bloody violence that dominates most games over here, why should we talk smack about a fetish that is clearly at least somewhat acceptable in Japan (as evidenced by the fact that such eroge games are being made by mainstream companies)? At least the game has some semblance of plot, and, with no outright sex or nudity seen so far, it seems to be straddling the line of mpropriety just enough to make us squirm without actually being wrong. There are far, far worse (and even virginal-blood-lettingly violent) games being made out there, chock-full of underdeveloped girls that are OMGTOTALLY18, and -- as is presumed to be the case for Doki Doki -- they never even see the light of day on thiis side of the Pacific anyway, without some internet liason for those of you who just can't live without it. No kid is going to randomly pick this up inadvertently at Target and get scarred for life, nor is a Wal-Mart pedophile going to get his kicks on stylus-style. It's a lot of worry over nothing that will most likely immediately affect us.

And on the other hand... it is still just kind of creepy enough that you can't help but raise your eyebrows. Oh Japan, you magnificent crazy bastards. What more can we say?


_DictionaryGirl_ has had an insanely exhausting week and is entrenched in a battle with a computer that hates her; she apologizes for the lack of articles lately. In other news, she would like to thank the lovely Elichrusos, for always keeping a finger on the pulse of Japanese ridiculousity.