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  • TUESDAY FEBRUARY 27 2007 1:00 PM

Our Kids Are Fucked: Emo Threatens Nation's Youth

Submitted by B_Werner

Edited by erin_broadley



According to a local news report in Grand Forks, North Dakota, "emo" is the next youth movement to corrupt the sensibilities of American teenagers, replacing goth culture as the number one enemy of parents everywhere. Yes, that's right; My Chemical Romance is just as, if not more dangerous than Elvis shaking his hips on television, violent movies and even Marilyn Manson.

The story focuses on the 'cutting' phenomenon, but links all manner of dangerous anti-social behavior to wearing tight clothing, hanging out in your bedroom and making mixtapes. Best of all, humorous sites like the Insta-Emo Kit are taken seriously and local youth are interviewed, revealing that teenage angst is shockingly alive and well. What would Kurt Cobain think???

Don't worry, though; the town sheriff knows what's happening and is on the case investigating the infamous "emo scale," which kids everywhere use to evaluate each other's emo-ness; the reporter points out that if you've attempted suicide, you "hit the jackpot." It's times like these that The Onion appears to be a viable news source. Enjoy.

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Comments
MetaTag

MetaTag

United Kingdom
September 2002

FEB 27, 2007 04:57 PM

I am more worried about Piranah swimming up the drains and eating me alive in my bath tub. wink

Don't these news people have any perspective?

erin_broadley

erin_broadley

Los Angeles, CA
October 2006

FEB 27, 2007 04:59 PM

LittleCinders said:
...and by REAL problems i mean those that don't include figuring out a way to roll up your testicles so they fit in your sister's jeans. mad



that was beautiful! hahaha...

bRADLEYoLIVER

bRADLEYoLIVER

Austin, TX
January 2005

FEB 27, 2007 05:00 PM

ha

Tekky

Tekky

SUICIDEGIRL

Ontario, Canada

FEB 27, 2007 05:08 PM

ifi hear some stupid kid use the term" emos" when talking about a group of people i'm going to punch them.

codyp

codyp

Camarillo, CA
January 2006

FEB 27, 2007 05:26 PM

hahahaha I love the fact even the media knows their faking it.

Ferretbite

Ferretbite

Mexico
September 2006

FEB 27, 2007 05:30 PM

Looks like I'm 90% happy according to that test. I also realized the other day while shopping with my sister's friend Ana sho shall remain nameless, achieving the emo look is rather expensive isn't it?!

And if you want a matching ipod and the whole Soundtrack to an Emo Year you better have lots of savings. And bad musical taste.

N8theSk8

N8theSk8

Pittsburgh, PA
March 2005

FEB 27, 2007 05:30 PM

Gah!

Obviously from the same informed news source behind the Aqua Teen Bomb scare!

This is just absured. And sad. (Oops am I emo now? Should I get checked?)

I'm gonna cue a flashback here and recall a time before "emo". back in the old 90's, say 1997, when I had a lady friend senior year of HS, who listened to manson, played soccer, dyed her hair green, and was otherwise freakin awesome. At some point I noticed she carved little shapes in her arm for no other reason but for fun (little triangles and stuff). She was simply labeled weird. I miss those days! When we were just weird.

PsychoSwtchblade

PsychoSwtchblade

Ortonville, MI
August 2005

FEB 27, 2007 05:34 PM

"....but links all manner of dangerous anti-social behavior to wearing tight clothing, hanging out in your bedroom and making mixtapes."

That sounds nothing like being a normal teenager....Ahhh there's nothing funnier than people trying to label what they don't understand. Just like ten years ago when the major record labels saying that bands like Nirvana and Sonic Youth were "grunge". Didnt they realize it was just a new generation of punk taking form? Meh people are stupid.... puke

Brubaker

Brubaker

Chicago, IL
January 2003

FEB 27, 2007 06:09 PM

Looks like Brandon Flowers was right... wink wink wink

st_even

st_even

Milwaukee, WI
September 2006

FEB 27, 2007 06:20 PM

My Chemical Romance is a threat to humanity. They won't corrupt any kids, but they're certainly destroying music as we know it.

towelb0y

towelb0y

Emeryville, CA
March 2004

FEB 27, 2007 06:37 PM

damn non-conformists, you're all the same. tongue

Cash

Cash

USA
OLD SKOOL

FEB 27, 2007 06:46 PM

_DictionaryGirl_ said:

For reals. Doubleplus-WTF for the serious hard-hitting glances at Rob Dobi's illustrations.



THE FACES OF DANGER!!!



I dunno...I think she's kinda hot. Cartoon Cash would totally do her.

Libbee

Libbee

Australia
December 2006

FEB 27, 2007 07:10 PM

Argh! people are so stupid its so obvious that most of the stuff they found on the web is a joke paying emos out.
*hangs head in shame of the stupidity of people*

ShadowDrgn

ShadowDrgn

Boca Raton, FL
August 2006

FEB 27, 2007 07:37 PM

Are we supposed to be Robot automatons ? were not allowed to show emotion anymore?

and WTF !(opps calm down im getting emo) does taking pills, cutting yourself and all this crap have to do with Fashion that they keep mentioning?

Addison

Addison

SUICIDEGIRL

South Carolina, USA

FEB 27, 2007 07:40 PM

hahahha oh my god thats great!! biggrin

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