What will you be doing for your Lover this St. Valentine's Day?

If you're even slightly rebellious, like me, you'll be wanting to boycott all the modern commercialism surrounding this date. However, this hasn't stopped me from noticing just how ridiculous some of the "gifts" have gotten in recent years. I think 2007 might be the worst in history.

The absolute hideousness of this year's gifts first caught my eye less than a day into the new year. I was at Shopper's Drug Mart in Vancouver and I spotted these frankly terrifying plush toys:


- There was also a female version of this lip-smacking heart.




- monkey love? I think not.

Granted, I was in Shopper's Drug Mart, which isn't exactly known for its classy wares. Still, back in Scotland I continued to keep an eye out for similar atrocities. It's really quite remarkable how little taste the western world can have.



- I saw this cake in my local bakery. Can you spot the Trade Mark on the printed decal?


- The display in Ann Summers (the local High Street "Sex Shop"


- A 3 Inch trophy! Just for me?! Reduced to 99p how could you resist?


- This is the most disgusting "Love" card display I have seen in my life. Overdone? Yes. Fire the Clinton Cards' staff!


- Believe it or not I found this in Marks and Spencer. M&S is supposed to be one of the classiest High Street stores around. Apparently not when it comes to February 14th. Oh, and this bottle opener does indeed play a wolf whistle recording when used; I tested it and attracted much attention.


- This was also in M&S. All you have to do is hold hands with your lover, touch the contacts on the back and you'll find out if your relationship was meant to be!


- Then there's the nice "big" reductions on the stuff you probably wouldn't normally buy, anyway. This particular discount is available at H. Samuel the jewellers. I had my ears pierced there when I was ten years old. It's still the tackiest jewellery store in Britain.

Two years ago I first started noticing the "anti" Valentine's marketing. Make no mistakes, you don't have to be in love to make the most of the celebrations. This was the best example of such ad campaigns for this year:



So what can you do to avoid making a complete fool of yourself this February 14th? Here are my tips, take them or leave them:

#1. Stay away from anything that has been specifically produced for this occasion.

#2. Be Original. If you're doing something for your special woman don't succumb to the back-up plan of flowers, chocolates and dinner. If you're doing something for your man whatever you do don't buy him underwear. Grandma, much?

#3. Get Creative! Make your own card (or postcard), bake a love cake or cookies, paint something or simply surprise your loved one to a handwritten love-scenario. It doesn't matter if you're not the most artistic person. even if it looks like something made by a blind five year old it will still be unique and most importantly, special.

#4. If you absolutely must resort to buying a gift then this is my suggestion:

Get the Lonely Planet guide to Experimental Travel. Once you have it in your hands tuck inside a ticket for a trip away somewhere. It doesn't matter if you're completely broke, a short train journey, flight or road trip will do. If you're absolutely strapped for cash, a map of your home town.

Finally let me reiterate: If you would not buy that wonderful gift on February 15th then don't buy it at all.