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  • WEDNESDAY JANUARY 17 2007 3:00 PM

Fat Pandas Need Lovin' Too

Submitted by scarekrow

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: pandas, mating, fat



Ignoring those who are less-than-attractive or rejecting the advances of some fatty at your local bar is behavior no longer restricted to the shallow human raceĀ—Thailand's giant panda Lin Hui has no interest it mating with Chuang Chuang because, well, he's just too damn fat.

These giant pandas in Bangkok, Thailand were rented from China in 2003 with the hopes of boosting tourism and bringing in national revenue. However, the male of the pair, Chuang Chuang, has been gaining weight too rapidly and now outweighs his mate by 78 pounds, which is just too much for Lin Hui to handle.

The zoo's veterinarians are putting him on a strict diet as the latest attempt to get them to mate. This method seems slightly less creative compared to previous attempts that included a mock-wedding, separating the pair, and even putting on some panda-porn to get their libidos fired up.

Come on now, you two...for the good of the species.

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Comments
MisterClean

MisterClean

Pawtucket, RI
February 2004

JAN 17, 2007 03:13 PM

is that why there was a panda on the treadmill next to mine at the gym?

itwashardlylovex

itwashardlylovex

Costa Mesa, CA
January 2007

JAN 17, 2007 03:14 PM

you know, i really don't think pandas really care if they go extinct.
they have a bad attitude about mating every time we try and help them out.

FridgeMagnet

FridgeMagnet

Chicago, IL
November 2004

JAN 17, 2007 03:26 PM

itwashardlylovex said:
you know, i really don't think pandas really care if they go extinct.
they have a bad attitude about mating every time we try and help them out.



Exactly. Which is why, we should cross breed them with Polar bears, (notoriously horny fuckers) and thereby produce an entirely new species of bear, the "Polanda Bear." It will be fearsome, impervious to the cold, and really fucking cute. Because as we all know, mixed race people are way hotter than regular people, the same will hold true for bears.

So then, when Panda's go extinct nobody will give a shit, because they'll all be at the zoo going, "oh crap!!! look at the cute Polanda bear!!!"

I promise this will work.

boygriv

boygriv

Arcata, CA
December 2006

JAN 17, 2007 03:35 PM

Who's that comedian who talks about Panda's having sex and says something like "I wouldn't wanna have sex with someone who looks exactly like me..."

I just woke up.

gutterman

gutterman

Austin, TX
August 2003

JAN 17, 2007 04:36 PM

This makes me a sad panda.

SirPsychoSexy

SirPsychoSexy

Ridgewood, NJ
January 2004

JAN 17, 2007 04:56 PM

Hey, we've got plenty of studly pandas here in San Diego. I mean seriously, they're popping out like every year or so at the zoo. ooo aaa

JoLeigh

JoLeigh

SUICIDEGIRL

Florida, USA

JAN 17, 2007 05:47 PM

now where oh where can i get my hands on some of that panda porn

MilatheRussian

MilatheRussian

I'm lost
January 2007

JAN 17, 2007 05:57 PM

sweet lord.
that's all i can say.
maybe they aren't into forced sex because they're hairy? i mean, if i was all hairy i would be self-conscious too...PANDAS NEED TO FEEL SEXY TOO

Cliche_Guevara

Cliche_Guevara

Australia
January 2006

JAN 17, 2007 06:01 PM

When one little Panda puts his wee wee in another little Panda's ear - that's sexual harrassment

StarBelliedBoy

StarBelliedBoy

Philadelphia, PA
December 2003

JAN 17, 2007 06:04 PM

FridgeMagnet said:

itwashardlylovex said:
you know, i really don't think pandas really care if they go extinct.
they have a bad attitude about mating every time we try and help them out.



Exactly. Which is why, we should cross breed them with Polar bears, (notoriously horny fuckers) and thereby produce an entirely new species of bear, the "Polanda Bear." It will be fearsome, impervious to the cold, and really fucking cute. Because as we all know, mixed race people are way hotter than regular people, the same will hold true for bears.

So then, when Panda's go extinct nobody will give a shit, because they'll all be at the zoo going, "oh crap!!! look at the cute Polanda bear!!!"

I promise this will work.



I support this as long as I get one.


Seriously, if a species refuses to fucking mate, there is clearly a good reason they are going extinct.

You_Dont_Know_Me

You_Dont_Know_Me

Bossier City, LA
July 2004

JAN 17, 2007 10:08 PM

MilatheRussian said:
sweet lord.
that's all i can say.
maybe they aren't into forced sex because they're hairy? i mean, if i was all hairy i would be self-conscious too...PANDAS NEED TO FEEL SEXY TOO



so, if they weren't hairy they'd be ok with forced sex? I mean, I'm pretty hairy, and even with a shave and a back wax I still don't think I'd be to into the idea of forced sex. wink

Doom_Stagg

doom_stagg

Santa Monica, CA
November 2006

JAN 17, 2007 11:02 PM

BALLS..even if I was a freekin panda I still wouldnt get layed... damn

private_grave

private_grave

Belgium
April 2005

JAN 17, 2007 11:34 PM



Jason Sho Green

undershaker

undershaker

Milwaukee, WI
November 2004

JAN 19, 2007 08:14 PM

JoLeigh said:
now where oh where can i get my hands on some of that panda porn



ZooAtlanta is close to you, & it hosts pandas (pandae?), so they prolly have a library of the cuddliest non-human-bear porn, ever.

undershaker

undershaker

Milwaukee, WI
November 2004

JAN 19, 2007 08:15 PM

But, on a serious note, I doubt that mating among pandas has dropped that precipitously, in the last several hundred years... There are just fewer to mate at that rate.

Save the panda, people.

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