Tattoo news last week was filled with wild, dare I say, wacky headlines, from the search for a full English breakfast head tattoo model to more celeb body art blunders to hypnosis during tattoo sessions, and more. Let’s begin with my favorite quote of the week:

Tattoos don't kill people. People with tattoos kill people.

No truer words have been spoken, at least in relation to Nick Cassavetes’ Alpha Dog. According to the bastion of fine journalism, Access Hollywood, the tattoos are an integral part of Justin Timberlake’s drug dealer character to make him look “rough and buff.” Here’s more:

Perhaps the young dealer had aspirations to be the next Brian Boitano, according to my fave Hanzi Vigilante Blogger, who says that the faux characters on Justin’s arm mean ice skating, and not I did Britney or some other form of bad-assness.



At least it’s not a misinterpreted Kanji for menstrual flow. That, and Justin’s tattoos were washed off after the director’s cut. If only that were the case for tattooed train wreck, Anna Nicole Smith.

This week, celeb blogs were all abuzz over Smith’s horrifying skin tribute to her children—portrait tattoos so bad, they are worthy of inclusion here.

I don’t get it. She reportedly sold photos of her dead son for $600,000, so you’d think she’d have the cash to pay a decent artist when putting one of those images on her back. Behold:



See more photos of her new tattoos here.

Now compare these tattoos with the portrait portfolios of, say, Robert Hernandez, Boris Zalaszam, Joshua Carlton, Chuey, among so many others worldwide that specialize in realistic portraiture.

Money can’t buy taste.

I’m a tattoo snob, I know. Perhaps I should just embrace all tattoos and not judge people by their choice of body art—to equally respect those that commit themselves to a Filip Leu bodysuit as those who get Sponge Bob on their bottoms. Yet, even on Martin Luther King Day, I find it difficult not to discriminate on the basis of how people choose to color their skin.

I need tattoo diversity training. Evidently, I need Scary Guy.

Scary Guy, born Earl Kaufmann, travels to schools, churches, and community organizations talking about prejudice based on appearance, economics or race. His own heavily tattooed appearance intimidates young audiences until he offers feel-good talks about love, acceptance, and avoiding sarcasm, especially in blogging.



I, too, find Earl scary but my fear is routed in his spreading the message that poor facial work should be accepted. I’m probably better off sitting in on one of Bruce Pott’s lectures. Waaay less frightening.

My problem is I’m hooked on this tattoo-as-art thang. A battle to gain fine art acceptance of tattooing. A battle I lose every time the press writes about stories like this one:

Tattooist Searching for Head to Tattoo English Breakfast Motif

This story appeared in three countries in countless newspapers. I should declare defeat.

A UK tattoo artist—and master at self-promotion—has some sort of bacon and eggs fetish. He contacts the press saying he’s searching for a model for his obsession to take around to UK tattoo conventions. He also envisions a knife and fork behind the ears and is willing to accommodate vegetarians with meat-free options. Remarkably, there have been no volunteers so far.

One factor that saves people from themselves in making decisions like tattooing eggs on their heads is the pain of getting needled. According to this next headline, that safeguard may just disappear:

Hypnosis Can Relieve the Pain of Tattooing

Randy Scott, a hypnotherapist, was watching Miami Ink one night when he saw the tattoo clients in pain on the show. He figured that he could fix that problem. So he walked into his local tattoo parlor, Proton Studios, and dropped off his card.

When I read the article, I was skeptical…until I got an email from tattooer Matthew Amey who also sent me the link to the story and told me that he has been working with a hypnotherapist at his studio—also with pain-free results.

Ok, now I’m intrigued. More than wild and wacky, this is some serious news that could change the culture of tattooing. Naturally, I forced Matthew to respond to more questions on hypnosis for publication…his answers are mind blowing.

Wanna read more about it? Watch out for our upcoming Q&A for SuicideGirls Interviews.

Marisa_DiMattia is a lawyer and editor of Needled.com, a blog on tattoo art and culture.