A Canadian man has brought a stunned hush to dead baby joke lovers everywhere.

Derrick Hardy of Prince Edward Island was arrested last week for putting his girlfriend's 10-month-old daughter in the the freezer in an attempt to reduce her stubborn fever. Derrick Hardy is charged with criminal negligence and assault on an infant. He pleads not guilty to both. Unfortunately, a man can not legally be charged with Stupid.

According to the CBC (the Canadian Broadcasting Corp.), the mother came home to find her daughter crammed into the freezer between the ice cubes and frozen burgers (dude, you take the burgers out, then put the baby in). Hardy claims to have left the door ajar, but it had somehow closed before the mother's return.

The house must be haunted!

Stupid people: if after hearing this story, you still think putting a baby in the freezer might be your best course of action, please keep a close eye on the door of the freezer, lots of them actually close automatically. Parents, after reading this, please put signs on your freezers and ovens, dishwashers, laundry machines, and other possibly lethal appliances in which babies can fit, warning off ignorant people with something like: PLEASE DON'T PUT MY BABY IN HERE!

Amazingly, Hardy came up with the freezer idea after several other failed courses of action. He started with a cool cloth, but found that this hadn't the immediate effects he required. A trip outside into the cold night air also did not have satisfying results. Weird, those usually work for me. Maybe he should have tried hosing it down.

Finally, weighing his options, he decided a cold bath might result in the baby's drowning, so he stuck her in the freezer and apparently got back to whatever he was doing before being interrupted. I hate to say it, but it was probably watching hockey.

I'm Canadian, I can say that.

Since her rescue, the little girl has spent several days recovering from 1st and 2nd degree freezer burns to the head and torso. Hardy insists the child could not have been in the freezer for more than 40 seconds. Hardy admitted to the police and the Prince Edward Island courts that he had "no real parenting skills to deal with a sick child."

Thanks Hardy, we were confused about that.

The baby is now in her grandmother's custody and oddly seems to possess the latent mutant ability to freeze moisture in the air.