Today is Cyber Monday—a day where the shopping frenzy of Black Friday continues online without all the elbow-in-the-gut punches over the new Tickle Me Elmo. It's a day where my Inbox becomes flooded with messages of seduction like 50% Off, Free Shipping, and Young, Olive Skinned Pool Boy with Every Order.

"C'mon. You know you want it." So much teasing on my screen, it's like an SG photoset except Macbooks, Wii, and flat screens replace tattooed nymphs, and I find myself fingering my wallet, running my nails across the raised numbers on my credit card...Is it getting hot in here?

With little going on in tattoo news, I've decided to share my consumption compulsion (or compulsive consumption) today by creating my very own Gift Guide for the Underground:

Tattooed Vibrators


For those who prefer to limit the sound of buzzing to the tattooer's chair, there's the sleek and silent Little Gold Vibrator from Jimmy Jane. These vibrators can also be tattooed with text of up to 35 letters, numbers or punctuation symbols—the only time I'd ever advocate permanently etching a lover's name. The limited editions already come with late 18th century tattoo art on the base of the vibrator. The cost: $195-350.


Modify The Movie


Finally, a film that looks at tattoos, piercing and extreme body modification without Eww, look at the freaks as the overriding theme. Images of a self-done genital surgery, suspensions, and fine art tattooing are woven amongst discussions on motivation, addiction and societal acceptance of body modification. As I said in my review for Needled.com, this film is a must for the DVD collections of serious tattoo and bod mod enthusiasts. Still, I wouldn't recommend it as a proper substitute for Miracle on 34th Street. Modify can be ordered online for about $25 including shipping and handling.


Zak Smith Prints


Arty porn lovers will drool over painter Zak Smith's 25 by 35 inch prints based on his paintings of Suicide Girls Charlie and Sawa. The posters can be purchased for $10 via the SG Shop and all artist royalties will go towards Food Not Bombs charity. As an added treat, you can also see Zak's hot tattooed bod naked in recently released adult films where he goes by the name Zak Sabbath. I'd also place those films on my list for fave stocking shtuppers.


Sailor Jerry Spiced Navy Rum


At Needled's anniversary party, the punch I made spiked with Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum was the first drink to go, which either means it's pretty tasty stuff or my guests were all alcoholics. Perfect for egg nog or straight from the bottle to forget the holiday blues, the rum can be ordered online for those in the UK. In the US, check for store locations. For ways to spice up your office parties, check out Sailor Jerry's bar tricks.


The Grave Tattoo


Recently, there's been a lot of buzz on book lists over The Grave Tattoo by Val McDermid. This psychological thriller involves a strangely tattooed body that washes up on shore in England's Lake District; the body could offer clues into an 18th century mystery and the mutiny on the Bounty. The book is currently available in the UK, and can be pre-ordered for the February release in the US. If you're looking for ideas on other tattoo-related texts, read Needled's book review section.


Toy Tattoo Machine


And for budding Paul Booth's on your list, there's the Tattoo Pen for Kids. This vibrating pen (even fun for mommies on your list) comes with three color pens and nine stencils, although none include Satan-spawn imagery. I'm sure there's also a joke about Kevin Federline in here but I'll refrain.Your best bet is to throw out the stencils and teach the kids to freehand. Nothin' like custom work on a ten-year old. [Trailer camo hat not included.]


Marisa_DiMattia is a lawyer and editor of Needled.com, a blog on tattoo art and culture.