This week George Lucas, amidst whining from hardcore fans (okay, like me), gave in and released the theatrical versions of original Star Wars trilogy on DVD. Now you can finally see Han Solo shoot first brutally murdering an innocent Greedo on DVD. Well, legally, that is.



Like a lot of long-suffering fans, I happen to already own a set of bootleg DVDs mastered from the original Criterion Collection Star Wars Laser Discs. And oddly enough, that is exactly what folks are buying now – the versions of Star Wars, Empire and Jedi on DVD that just hit stores were directly taken from the 1993 laser disc masters. Now, I am truly an idiot and a movie geek with a light social calendar and budget which has allowed me the disposable funds to purchase Star Wars every single time it has been released. The films have come out more than ten different times with varied packaging and features on VHS, in limited editions, special editions, signature editions, three separate times on laser disc including the Japanese versions, and even with packaging marked “for the last time.”

I will begrudgingly admit that I happen to own every version of Star Wars ever released and have spent more than a grand in so doing. However, consider first that I am not normal, yes, I fit that “collector” mode. And while I could complain that the recent DVD releases of these original theatrical versions are not anamorphic, the real reason to reconsider a purchase of Star Wars this time, and by reconsider, I mean “complain,” is that there is a gi-normous boxed set of all six Star Wars movies being readied for release in 2007 that will cost about $200 dollars and contain not only the original films, but the prequels and new special features not seen in any previous release such as deleted scenes from Star Wars, Empire and Jedi. So, if you are thinking of holding out, now is a great time. But since I won’t be doing that myself, I implore you to hang onto the cash and while you wait for the official announcement of this huge new boxed set, I would like to recommend that you check out the following Star Wars-related DVDs for your amusement.


Os Trapalhoes na Guerra Dos Planetas (AKA The Brazilian Star Wars)
Sure, I could mention the Turkish Star Wars, but everyone knows about that foreign crap classic. This 1978 Portugese kitsch “crapsterpiece” is about as awful as good-bad cinema gets, in fact, it’s something of a perverse pleasure. The title loosely translates as “The Tramps in the Planets War,” or something, anyway, the movie feels like a bad episode of a shot-on-video Sid & Marty Krofft TV show from the seventies. The Tramps prance around in ridiculous Star Wars ripped off costumes in search of a princess while being pursued by a Darth Vader-looking dude who speaks like a really pissed off Mexican wrestler. If I went on to explain the convoluted plot in detail, I would quickly begin to sound like a child explaining an illogical yet magical world that only exists in the theater of the mind. While the other DVDs mentioned in this piece can be easily found in stores or on the net, I had to order Os Trapalhoes na Guerra Dos Planetas directly from Brazil via a web site and it took six months to arrive, so good luck finding it. But if you do, you will have the distinction of owning a DVD that no one else has, or probably even wants.


Jar Jar Binks: The F! True Hollywood Story
Follow Jar Jar Binks in this E! True Hollywood Story style tale of his rise and fall as we see Binks rise from child star, to alcoholic mess.


StarWoids: Double Disc Special Edition
This 1999 documentary following Star Wars fans who waited in line for Episode I is now available in a special edition with more commentary, and a parade of women in Slave Leia outfits.


Hardware Wars
This spoof classic and perhaps the very first fan film made in the late 1970s, has finally gotten the special edition treatment. Now you can see digital toasters battle it out in space as they were meant to be seen.


Sars Wars: Bangkok Zombie Crisis
This Thai exploitation film written and directed by Taweewat Wantha is like Kill Bill meets Dawn of the Dead. A cast of goofy characters violently take on bird flu-infected zombies. Combining anime, digital effects and armies of blood-thirsty zombies, the film is painfully aware of its own ridiculousness as one character proclaims, “…zombies, snakes, this film is going for the big bucks.” It really has nothing to do with Star Wars at all, but Sars Wars sounds close enough and contains more random limbs being chopped off than all the Lucas space fantasy movies combined.

Gore gone!

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker, the creator of Film Threat, and plans to trade in a box of used Star Wars DVDs at Amoeba Records so he can get all three seasons of nip/tuck on DVD, which he will probably watch and then trade in months later anyway.