Pornography is always the first to push the limits and test the boundaries of any new technology. When the camera was invented in the 1800s, “nude photography” made its debut almost simultaneously. When the motion picture camera was developed, those nude images could finally move. And when talkies debuted, you could finally hear the humping.

It’s no secret that VCR sales were driven by the ability to watch X rated videos in the privacy of one’s own home. The result? Guys could finally jerk off in private to moving images of people pumping. I guess that means women could "jill" off too. Amazing.


I am not a prude. I believe porn to be a healthy part of any media junkie's regular diet, especially if you get a dose right here on SG. And I certainly admire the innovation that seems to follow each new advance in adult content. To me, pornographers have always been pioneers. But let’s be honest, since those first few images of a couple having sex illuminated the moving picture screen, not much has changed. Sure, a few cosmetic changes like shoes or muff-hair styles. Goofy-looking high-heeled shoes with straps (1970s) are now replaced by black patent, thigh high boots (1990s). Overgrown hairy crotches that looked as if a tumbleweed landed between a woman’s legs are now substituted by carefully shaved landing strips or nothing at all. Droopy boobs (or no boobs) have been replaced by standard-issue fake tits.

But while fashions and trends may change, fucking is still pretty standard stuff. In and out, in and out, nothing new. I guess the DP could be considered a recent innovation. (D.P. – Double Penetration – the insertion of a penis into the vagina and anus simultaneously giving expanded meaning to threesome.) But again, a DP is just another variation of the same old in and out.

It’s no surprise that the most profitable venture on the web is porn -- adult sites rank among the most highly trafficked. But if your idea of pushing the limits of technology is jerking off to jerky images, I suggest you discover something new. The most incredible innovation in the world of porn can be found on a very few DVDs. The new innovation I am talking about is commentary.

I am a DVD addict, and my personal favorite feature is commentary. I not only do most of my film viewing via DVD, I listen to DVD commetaries like talk radio. There's so much you can learn about the filmmaking process, the inside scoop on the cast, camera tricks and some are even hilariously entertaining. (Just listen to any commentary with Bruce Campbell and you'll know what I mean.)

This feature has mainly been relegated to legit Hollywood films, but a very few adult DVDs contain commentary and… oh… my… God… porn will never be the same. Skin flicks with commentary tracks recorded by porn stars is unlike anything I have ever experienced in all my years of viewing adult cinema. In fact, it's hot!

Now why would this add so much to the experience? Sporting events are made so much more exciting by the thrill, the enthusiasm and the pure emotion of passionate announcers. Try watching a game without one. A great sports announcer will have you on the edge of your seat. Most porn flicks feature bad music with looped sound and fake moaning that barely matches the action on screen. With commentary, it’s as if a hot woman is sitting next to you enjoying the experience and offering her innermost thoughts.


Take, for example, the commentary from DMJ6 (The Devil in Miss Jones part 6, VCA Interactive) which comes courtesy of porn starlets Stacy Valentine and Tina Tyler. Imagine the voices of these two sexy women making intimate remarks about everything on the screen. Sure, some of their insights are just plain lame-brained as they seem to voice their inner monologue or when they read any text that can be seen on screen. This, in itself, is entertaining. However, it gets really good when the conversation becomes like entering the private women’s locker room men only dream about. Here’s just a sample of Stacy and Tina's ramblings:

“Her pussy is so pretty. Very symmetrical. I like her boobs too. And I like how he splits her like that so you can see everything.”

“You know, that’s one thing I hate about threesomes with two guys, one guy always gets left out. Well, he didn’t get left out for long.”


“If I was in that scene, I’d go right where that finger is.”

"I just love to see a guy’s balls hang. There’s something sexy about that. And his balls are so big you can feel them on your asshole when he’s doin’ ya. Mmmmm… that SLAP, SLAP, SLAP on your butt.”

“Oooh, she squeezing her hand around her lips. I’ll have to try that.”

“Oh, this is rarely seen, a double pussy penetration. This is something I’ve always wanted to do, but never for the first time on camera.”

“Nice sloppy blow job. Nice stringer.”

“He’s a champion pussy eater, in fact, it’s his favorite thing to do. He breathes through his ears.”

“Look at his feet curled up, he’s having a good time!”

“There’s the money shot, look at her clit sticking out.”

“Now see guys, ha shaves his balls. So, if you want to get your balls sucked, shave ‘em! I shave my pussy lips.”

“Is he going to land it on her other tit or in the middle? Ooops, both!”

Imagine watching a sporting event without the benefit of an announcer expressing his passion about the game. You can’t. And I can’t imagine watching another adult talkie on DVD without a blow by blow commentary track.

Gore gone!

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker, the creator of Film Threat, and has a pile of adult DVDs he'd like to take to Amoeba in exchange for cash or credit.