Turning Japanese

"What Japan needs now, is babies, Japanese babies." There you go: two different song references that appear to have nothing to do with one another (one of which is unapologetically and almost unrecognizably revised). So what do they share in common? Well, nothing, really, but the sentiment is this: Japan needs more babies! They need more babies now! So much so that they're considering relaxing a law that currently prohibits matchmaking agencies from advertising on television!

Certain Japanese policy-makers seem to believe that this is the way to reverse the nation's declining population rate. "Promote marriage," they say, and that will lead to more Japanese babies, who will thusly be able to work and care for the growing number of pensioners! Yeah! The Japanese have got it all figured out! Forget the fact that the majority of Japanese citizens think it's too damn tough to raise kids in their country. Don't worry about the high cost of child-rearing, or the lack of viable childcare options, or the negative attitudes towards Japanese women returning to work after procreating. Don't waste your time with the social and cultural issues at hand! Just trick your people into having babies!

Make more babies! Pump them out! Babies solve problems! They fix broken marriages! They win elections for politicians! They taste of chicken!

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