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  • THURSDAY MARCH 16 2006 3:27 PM

The Case of the Reluctant Baby Daddy

Submitted by Rahodeb

Edited by Christopher

Have you met Matt Dubay? He's the 25-year old baby daddy from Saginaw, Michigan, who filed suit last week in an effort to avoid child support. Backed by The National Center for Men, an organization dedicated to the advocacy of, ahem, men's equal rights, Dubay's case, which has been nicknamed Roe vs. Wade for Men TM argues that:

If a pregnant woman can choose among abortion, adoption or raising a child, a man involved in an unintended pregnancy should have the choice of declining the financial responsibilities of fatherhood.



Matt claims that the baby's mother, Lauren Wells, promised that a physical condition made it impossible for her to conceive. That's fine, but it doesn't take an OB/GYN to know that, well—you never know. The infertile have been known to conceive. It's not that shocking.

Said Mel Feit, director of The National Center for Men:

"There's such a spectrum of choice that women have — it's her body, her pregnancy and she has the ultimate right to make decisions. I'm trying to find a way for a man also to have some say over decisions that affect his life profoundly."



Well, Mel—I've got news for you and your little buddy Matt. You're barking up the wrong tree. How about focusing some of this energy on, oh—I don't know— the male birth control pill? Male contraceptive alternatives to condoms and vasectomies have been in the works for a long time now, but unlike the female birth control pill /patch / ring, of which there are innumerable choices, a comparable male contraceptive has yet to hit the U.S. market.

All you have to do is listen to a little Kanye West to know that this is a serious issue:

18 years, 18 years
She got one of yo kids got you for 18 years
I know somebody payin child support for one of his kids
His baby momma's car and crib is bigger than his



After scouring the National Center for Men website, I found no mention of the male birth control pill. Instead, on a page titled Our Issues, I found this:

Only women have the extraordinary freedom to enjoy sexual intimacy free from the fear of forced parenthood. This is an incredible power, taken for granted by most women and denied, by law, to all men.



Yeah, right. Women enjoy sexual intimacy completely free of the fear of unwanted pregnancy—especially what with all of the upstanding young men like Dubay out there. Men have notoriously had no problem swallowing a jagged little pill known as Viagra. How about giving male contraceptives the same chance in the marketplace?

And until the glorious day when men can pop their own pill, a hint: if you don't want to be a baby daddy, don't have sex, or at the very least, no matter how infertile you think you or your partner is, use a damn condom.

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wyldechylde

wyldechylde

San Jose, CA
November 2004

MAR 19, 2006 09:40 PM

Only one person has really hit the heart of this issue so far as I've seen and that's the fact there is a FUCKING CHILD THAT IS PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE CARED FOR. As nefarious already pointed out if the woman is being decietful then anyone but her is going to raise the baby, grandparents, siblings, the neighbors all will be put out by this ungrateful bitch who doesn't care about the kid and only looks to collect a check every month. Now if the woman is not being decietful and honestly believed that she was infertile than she has been given the shock of her life, add to that the fact that the father is blaming her and it could very well be more than she can bare in which case anyone but her is going to care for the child. The father (who from this point will be referred to as douchbag) decides "Oh I never wanted this so I'll just turn my back on this child and make it someone else's problem" so in either case the baby has to grow up not knowing why daddy doesn't come around and constantly wondering why.

Maybe its just the single parent in me but I couldn't give a rat's ass about either of these idiots if they aren't going to what's best for the baby and that is try to give it as close to warm loving family as they can. This baby is not going away, he or she is a new life that needs to be raised, loved and provided for so the only question here is who is going to do it? Obviously douchebag doesn't care that the child is his which is why he is a douchebag, thinking more about himself than the child he has just abandonded. That child needs a family and someone needs to step forward and give that to him/her, child support is secondary.

[Edited on Mar 19, 2006 by wyldechylde]

nefariouspt

nefariouspt

I'm lost
August 2005

MAR 19, 2006 10:20 PM

wyldechylde said:
Only one person has really hit the heart of this issue so far as I've seen and that's the fact there is a FUCKING CHILD THAT IS PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE CARED FOR. As nefarious already pointed out if the woman is being decietful then anyone but her is going to raise the baby, grandparents, siblings, the neighbors all will be put out by this ungrateful bitch who doesn't care about the kid and only looks to collect a check every month. Now if the woman is not being decietful and honestly believed that she was infertile than she has been given the shock of her life, add to that the fact that the father is blaming her and it could very well be more than she can bare in which case anyone but her is going to care for the child. The father (who from this point will be referred to as douchbag) decides "Oh I never wanted this so I'll just turn my back on this child and make it someone else's problem" so in either case the baby has to grow up not knowing why daddy doesn't come around and constantly wondering why.

Maybe its just the single parent in me but I couldn't give a rat's ass about either of these idiots if they aren't going to what's best for the baby and that is try to give it as close to warm loving family as they can. This baby is not going away, he or she is a new life that needs to be raised, loved and provided for so the only question here is who is going to do it? Obviously douchebag doesn't care that the child is his which is why he is a douchebag, thinking more about himself than the child he has just abandonded. That child needs a family and someone needs to step forward and give that to him/her, child support is secondary.

[Edited on Mar 19, 2006 by wyldechylde]



thank you wyldechylde, we need more parents like you in this world then we wouldn't have so many fucked up kids

[Edited on Mar 19, 2006 10:22PM]

[Edited on Mar 19, 2006 10:23PM]

malkav11

malkav11

Saint Paul, MN
July 2003

MAR 19, 2006 10:25 PM

Personally, I'm fine with my mom being my only full on, real parent. She loves and supports me. I have not always appreciated the decisions she's made on that basis, but I've always known it. I don't know what a father might have contributed to my life, but I don't miss it. But maybe that's just me.

(Brief synopsis: biological father dead with me a mere month or two old. Mother married three times since then, the third successful and still extant. That first time got me the closest thing I have to a father figure, I still see him every week for lunch, but he's not my dad, and he was only a live-in, full time parent for me for a few years very early on.)

nefariouspt

nefariouspt

I'm lost
August 2005

MAR 19, 2006 10:32 PM

malkav11 said:
Personally, I'm fine with my mom being my only full on, real parent. She loves and supports me. I have not always appreciated the decisions she's made on that basis, but I've always known it. I don't know what a father might have contributed to my life, but I don't miss it. But maybe that's just me.

(Brief synopsis: biological father dead with me a mere month or two old. Mother married three times since then, the third successful and still extant. That first time got me the closest thing I have to a father figure, I still see him every week for lunch, but he's not my dad, and he was only a live-in, full time parent for me for a few years very early on.)



as i said it does not effect all, clearly your mother played both roles well if you are truely happy with how your life and childhood has panned out. plus i was talking about parents that don't care for they're kids, death is something that effects us all anmd your mother was a strong woman to raise a child with such adversity. really i was talking about deadbeat parents.(WHY DOES THIS READ LIKE I'M KISSING SOMEONES ASS THAT I'VE OFFENDED.)


[Edited on Mar 19, 2006 10:39PM]

malkav11

malkav11

Saint Paul, MN
July 2003

MAR 19, 2006 11:26 PM

I'm not offended, but I think either you or someone else said something about a two-parent household being necessary, and I can attest to that not being the case. I'm sure it helps, if they're both good parents, but necessary, no.

And I don't see every dad who decides to leave the child's life as a douche, automatically. Some people doing that are, yes, but..well..not everyone is emotionally or financially prepared to be a parent. Sometimes they might be able to parent, but can't deal with being a coparent with the other genetic-contributor. I would much rather they remove themselves from the situation rather than being a less than competent, possibly resentful "parent" whose presence could so easily make things so much worse *and* fill a spot that someone more qualified could otherwise have filled.

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