There’s often a rush to judgment when audiences see some films that require them to think or even pay attention. Some films in particular require that you pay close attention to get the most out of the experience. In fact, there’s a short list of films out there that are best viewed at least twice to notice the subtle details woven into the often layered, but not particularly complex, story. That is, if you bother to pay attention.

Joel and Clementine's troubled relationship gets better and worse, then better from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

The Sixth Sense is probably one of the first films to come to mind when mentioning movies that must be seen twice to be appreciated. Everyone knows that Bruce Willis’ character is a ghost. He’s dead. And he’s the one that Haley Joel Osment’s character is referencing when he utters the all-too-often quoted, “I see dead people.” A second viewing will reveal that during every scene with Bruce Willis, no one is actually talking to him or even acknowledging his presence. A montage of scenes at the end reveals this, but a second viewing will point out that fact more bluntly and you’ll notice the great amount of care that went into making sure the logic of The Sixth Sense holds up to the repeated viewings.

One of my personal favorites in this category is Richard Linklater’s Slacker. The indie classic already has a radical, yet beautifully dream-like story structure focusing on random characters drifting in and out of the camera’s view. Upon further viewings, you’ll notice just how much detail was put into the crafting of each scene. The appearance of minor characters is not as random as it seems as some can be found in the backgrounds of scenes or are referenced in dialog.

Tyler Durden is a subversive terrorist in Fight Club.

Note: Spoilers for several films are contained below. If you have not seen these films at least once, you may want to read this story another time. You have been warned.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The first time: Joel goes to a doctor to erase the memory of his beloved Clementine, who also had him erased from her memory, in an effort to purge the painful relationship behind forever.
Upon second viewing: Eternal Sunshine is really three stories happening simultaneously: the present day conscious tale of the doctors taking part in Joel’s memory-erasing process, Joel’s actual memories of the relationship as they play themselves out backwards from their present awful state to their first cute meeting on the beach, and the final story of Joel’s attempt to block the doctors memory purge by hiding Clementine in the nether regions of his brain. Most of this becomes clear about 2/3 of the way into the film, but it’s not so obvious the first time, and repeated viewings show just how perfectly each story is woven.

Edward Norton's character from Fight Club is credited as "the narrator." Huh.

Fight Club
The first time: This dude played by Edward Norton becomes pals with a bad influence in the form of Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) who makes him do very, very bad things.
Upon second viewing: The narrator (Edward Norton) is Tyler Durden, a figment of his imagination and the brains behind all the darkly hilarious and heinous acts performed in the film. Go fight yourself.

It can be easy to forget where Memento is going. And that's the point.

Memento
The first time: Leonard (Guy Pearce) suffers from short-term memory loss causing him to go to great lengths to retain information while simultaneously attempting to solve his wife’s murder.
Upon second viewing: When the film reaches its finale, it begins to feel like a puzzle and it’s up to the viewer to assemble the pieces and draw their own conclusions. It seems clear that Leonard killed his wife… or did he? The film has caused much debate and there is enough evidence to draw multiple conclusions, each with enough supporting evidence to be the absolute one and only correct answer.

The Illusionist tries to trick the audience into believing one thing is true, but closer inspection proves the opposite.

The Illusionist
The first time: Eisenstein is a talented illusionist with a seemingly magical gift who reconnects with his childhood sweetheart Sophie as an adult. Upon realizing he cannot be with her due to things like those pesky European class values and the fact that she is engaged, he has an affair anyway, and her fiancé murders her. Or she simply disappears.
Upon second viewing: Eisenstein and Sophie planned the whole thing and this is revealed upon second viewing with loads of visual cues. Recommended viewing: The Prestige which deals with a similar subject in a story that includes a sick, Twilight Zone-like twist at the end.

This painting from the comic book of the script for Darren Aronofsky's The Fountain illustrates how difficult it was to translate grand concepts of life and death to the screen...

The Fountain
The first time: Bouncing between a trio of characters all played by Hugh Jackman spread across three time periods, each deals with attempting to cheat death in the search for eternal life.
Upon second viewing: The film has a very simple journey played out across each of the three stories resulting in the trio of characters striving for the same goal, but reaching very different conclusions – the acceptance of their own death. It is only the future version of Hugh Jackman who finally gives into the universe and becomes one with the stars reaching a kind of Zen peace. It’s a simple story told in a complex way to force one to think about the larger issues and avoid discussing the issue of experimentation on monkeys.

...but it's much easier to comprehend The Fountain's layered story with a second viewing.

Gore gone... again.

Chris_Gore has had multiple experiences with each of the films mentioned in this story.

Perhaps you are one of the many who has not been caught up in the Halo 3 hype. That’s okay. It’s alright if you don’t like it or just don’t get it. It’s probably because you’ve never played it. This week’s release of the game marked the largest grossing entertainment launch in history – Halo 3 racked up $170 million dollars in sales exceeding Spider-Man 3’s box-office opening and sales of the other recent geek midnight madness for the final book in the Harry Potter series. So, if you are not caught up yourself, there’s a good chance you know someone who is.

At its core, the multi-player aspect of Halo is as simple as schoolyard games like tag, king of the hill along with a healthy dose of paint-ball thrown into the mix. Perhaps that explains its unprecedented popularity – in many ways, it’s a new kind of sport. And while it’s very easy to understand the rules, it can take time to master the skills required to become a great player. But that only applies to the multi-player element of Halo, the campaign mode of the game actually has all the makings of the next great movie franchise on the level of a Star Trek or a Harry Potter.

A Faceless Hero
Basically, Spartan Officer John 117, or as most of you non-gamers know him, Master Chief, is the last of the Spartans, a kind of "Super-Stormtrooper," if you will. And we’ve never seen his face which allows anyone playing the game to picture them in his helmet. This is very much in keeping with the spirit of epic myths as explained by author Joseph Campbell in his book The Hero with a Thousand Faces. However, any film version of the movie will likely have to reveal the face behind the mask as this seems to be the most often asked question, “What does Master Chief really look like?” The answer is simple… he, or she for that matter, is you. I am hoping Chief is female, that would be hot.

Epic Musical Score
John Williams is the go-to man of choice when it comes to epic films. From the Star Wars movies to Indiana Jones and Harry Potter, he has composed the most memorable film scores in history. And if you can’t get John, there’s always Danny Elfman who has also created some amazing film music as well. Martin O’Donnell & Michael Salvatori have created a music track to accompany the levels of Halo’s campaign mode that is both emotionally stirring and triumphantly epic. It’s like no video game score you’ve ever heard and even non-Halo fans will recognize it if one begins to hum the notes.

War, Weapons and Blowing Up Real Good
There is no shortage of impressive technology in the Halo Universe – from the weaponry wielded by the Chief or the alien guns from the Covenant. The Covenant consists of a loose collection of alien allies who shoot pretty purple laser weaponry, the coolest of which is the “needler” gun. The “ghost” motorcycle is also damn cool along with the very practical “warthog.” It’s like opening the toy soldier set and letting them loose in a world where anything goes and in the sci-fi film world, we haven’t seen anything as epic as the battles portrayed in Halo. Well, we haven’t seen it yet, at least.

Actress Jen Taylor (center of course) is best known to as the voice of Cortana.

Sexy Holograms
Cortana is Master Chief’s guide through the story. She’s sexy as hell but unfortunately is not real flesh and blood – she’s a hologram and the Chief will only touch her in his dreams. In the world of movies, Cortana would be known as “Miss Exposition” showing up at key moments to explain what just happened, what we need to do next, and the goal that must be achieved. But she’s so much more than that as she represents, in a sad way, desire that will never be fulfilled.

Scary Zombies
Who doesn’t love zombie movies? The Flood is the scourge devouring sentient life in the galaxy, turning living things into a cross between the horrific creatures from George Romero’s Dead films and John Carpenter’s The Thing. Just the sounds of the Flood monstrosities creeping around unseen will make your skin crawl. And these things are as scary as they are hard to kill. I personally love all things zombie-related and I even have a bumper sticker on my car that reads: I “heart” Zombies.

The Biggest Threat in the Galaxy
Sure, the Star Wars movies had the menacing Death Star, two of them in fact. And Star Trek had that giant carrot-shaped planet eater from the original series, the huge Borg Cube from the Next Generation and the colossal V’Ger from the Motion Picture. But the Halo ring dwarfs them all with its ability to wipe out all life in the galaxy to prevent the scourge of the Flood from spreading. Now requires coining a new word on the level of Humongo-normous-colossalopolis!


Could a Halo movie win Peter Jackson another Oscar?

For some reason, the Halo movie has been filled with false starts, even with talent like Peter Jackson involved as executive producer. Perhaps this recent financial milestone and public frenzy will inspire a version of the film that will resonate beyond the rabid gaming fan base. And we may even see, for the first time, a movie based on a video game that actually goes on to win the Oscar for Best Picture. Just kidding, I think a Halo movie that works as a decent motion picture would be a worthwhile achievement on its own. Clearly, all the elements of a great film experience are there, but doing it right may be as difficult as finishing the fight… solo… on Legendary. (You know what I’m talking about.)

Gore gone!

Chris_Gore prefers to beat campaign before attempting multi-player. So shoot me.

I’ve been a film fan my entire life. For me, the television was always a way for me to view my favorite films on home video. But lately I find myself hooked on a number of amazing television series that not only exceed my expectations, but provide a more satisfying experience than actually going to the movies. Over the last year or so, I’ve seen shows like Heroes and Entourage and Flight of the Conchords and Battlestar Galactica on HD in my makeshift home theater and the odds that I’ll have a good time are much better than taking a risk on the latest multiplex offerings. Sometimes the joy in seeing a bad movie is in picking apart that movie, but films of late have seemed so out of touch, so less-than-spectacular, so meh, that I’d rather just check my Tivo or rent a season of television on DVD, and settle into my couch to continue to make that reverse impression of my behind.

This is not just the Golden Age, we might as well rename this period marked by a plethora of quality television as the "Platinum Age of TV."

This shift in my media consumption has led me to the conclusion that currently the best television programs are much better than the best movies. There, I said it. And it’s a tough thing for me to admit being a lifelong movie guy. I know this will spark much debate, but I’d like to present my case with the following evidence.

The theatrical experience is miserable while home theaters are affordable.
Fact: Rude jackasses talking during movies was only the beginning, now more people are treating the movie theater like their living rooms. Cell phone use has virtually destroyed the enjoyment of experiencing a movie on the big screen. There are only a few movie theaters in Los Angeles that have no tolerance policies toward those bright lights that pop up as people mindlessly take calls or text during films. When one considers the cost of an evening at the movies (ticket prices, refreshments, parking, babysitter if needed), it makes the cost of a home theater system seem within reach. If the average movie night costs about $80, you need to stay home only nine times to save enough to buy a 37” widescreen HD TV for about $700.

The cell phone has practically killed the movie theater experience... while home theaters are more affordable than ever.

TV on DVD currently outsell hit movies on DVD.
Fact: Visiting the shelves of video stores, as a category, the television section has grown beyond one aisle. And you’ll find even the most obscure old series available in boxed sets with tons of extras. And you may even find yourself interested in checking out what’s on the special features for The Beverly Hillbillies Ultimate Collection Volume 1 & 2 which includes unedited episodes, commercial promos, rare behind-the-scenes, and the pilot that never aired. Or not, but that’s just an example of the lengths to which television is being repurposed on DVD. Video business trade publications support this, but one need only check Amazon.com to observe that of the top 10 selling DVDs, eight are television shows and the top four consist of Grey's Anatomy - The Complete Third Season, The Office - Season Three, Heroes - Season One, and Smallville - The Complete Sixth Season.

Which group of heroes would you prefer to watch? The movies' Fantastic Four or televisions' Heroes?

Movies have become formulaic while TV is original.
Fact: The summer movie season is known for its batch of both good and bad films, but all of them consist of either sequels, remakes, TV shows made into movies, comic books or generally films based on previously known properties and/or franchises. So, if it’s not going to be familiar with a wide audience, studios are reluctant to back films that are original. Conversely, television is now the place where originality thrives.

Televisions' Battlestar Galactica proves that science fiction can be intelligent. When was the last time a sci-fi movie was able to explore serious issues?

The movie audience is shrinking.
Fact: Television continues to thrive as consumers either watch TV, Tivo TV, download TV or buy TV on DVD. And while the Nielson ratings support that the pie continues to break down into smaller pieces, when one includes other ways in which viewers get their TV fix, the audience is growing. The reverse is true when it comes to movie-going. George Lucas visited the campus of USC last year for a ribbon-cutting ceremony in which he pointed out that the movie audience is indeed shrinking. While the studios make bold statements regarding bigger and bigger box-office numbers, when one adjusts for inflation, fewer people are going to the movies each year.

Televisions' Jack Bauer from 24 and Jason Bourne from the Bourne film series both deliver compelling action.

Movies are made by committee. While television remains a writers’ medium which leads to better storytelling.
Fact: Film scripts written by screenwriters who toiled for years are bought by studios who quickly fire the original writer and hire a new one to rewrite the script, and this process of rewrites continues with notes coming from all departments of the studio including marketing. And worse, a screenwriter who gets a film made every three years should be considered lucky, some wait as long as seven years or more to see their work on the big screen. Useful feedback from audiences in the form of box-office or reviews, which can contribute toward developing a talented screenwriter, comes too late in the process to be of any value. While television writers are also subjected to studio notes, the original writers are part of a writing staff that oversees the integrity of the script. The goal is that there be consistent storytelling, which is especially important for any episodic series. The writing process for television leads to a healthier development environment resulting in better programming all around. Simply, writers get respect on TV and that means the shows are better.

TV Producers are the new Hollywood movie success stories.
Fact: Because TV writer/producers exercise their writing muscles on a regular basis by producing hundreds of hours of content, they develop into much better writers. By getting constant feedback from regular viewing audiences in the form of ratings and inevitable forum rants, their quality creative output increases. The stories of successful television-to-film crossovers include writer/producers such as J.J. Abrams (Mission Impossible III) to Judd Apatow (40 Year-Old Virgin, Superbad, Knocked Up) to Joss Whedon (Serenity). In fact, they’ve become the most sought after by the studios to deliver the latest summer movie epics such as J.J. Abrams upcoming reinvention of Star Trek.

While most would agree that the movie-going experience has deteriorated, would you pay $10 to watch two hours of Lost?

There remains one big question: Would you pay money to see TV at the movie theater? As an experiment, I’d love to see a special episode of Heroes or Lost open in theaters while still showing on TV. Imagine this scenario: The season finale of Lost will screen unedited in a limited number of movie theaters across the country for one week before that episode actually airs on television. It would be a great way to connect with fellow fans in the audience. For me, knowing the fate of the Lost cast, if only for a week, would be worth the price of admission.

Would you pay to see TV at the movies? If you paid to see The Simpsons Movie, then the answer must be "yes."

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore will return after these messages. And you can watch more of this debate, ironically, on television.

There will never be another filmmaker like John Waters. Having started his career as an underground filmmaker, Waters’ eclectic taste has now become mainstream. This summer’s hit Hairspray has clearly cemented his place as one of America’s national treasures. In the John Waters’ documentary This Filthy World, which captures his popular speaking tour, a young fan asks a question. The aspiring underground filmmaker asks advice to pursue his dream to make great underground films. To which Waters responds that underground film is dead. It’s all been done.

Unfortunately, for the most part, I agree. And it’s not only dead. It’s all over the web and it marks the end of an era… the end of the bootleg videotape and underground film as we know it.

Over the years I have amassed a collection of over 3,000 videos cataloged by genre and neatly arranged in alphabetical order. This archive of VHS treasures sits proudly in my dry, cool garage on tidy shelves. Okay, I have to admit that they’re not all that neat. The variety of labels and packages reveal that this assortment was cobbled together from over a decade of collecting. The tape boxes even divulge the story of the evolution of movie packaging for home video. The scribbled labels spanning various eras tell the tale of organizational methods adopted and then abandoned in the hopes of creating the ultimate library of films lost and forgotten. And while my rules for organizing this stockpile of cinema on magnetic tape alter from year to year, one rule has remained constant:
If you can rent it or buy it at the local video store, that movie has no place in my collection.

Todd Haynes’ The Karen Carpenter Story is still unavailable... legally, that is.

The logic is simple – I can go to the video store and rent and/or purchase any mainstream Hollywood movie – anytime. There is no thrill in the purchase of Todd Haynes’ Oscar-nominated film Far From Heaven on DVD since that can be found without much effort. But if you can get your hands on Todd Haynes’ now classic and totally illegal short, the puppet-animated drama The Karen Carpenter Story, you have hit gold. And if you can find a copy of that is as close to first generation as possible, one that hasn’t been copied from one VHS to another countless times, then you have an incredibly rare bootleg.

You can go to any video store, hell, you can go to a grocery store and pick up the latest Disney animated feature churned out from the mouse factory. But there is one that you will never find and that is the controversial family film from 1946, Song of the South. If you happen upon a bootleg DVD, whip out your wallet and add it to your own collection.

Every chain store must carry Star Wars. But you will not find The Turkish Star Wars for sale in any legitimate video establishment. In fact, you won’t find any Turkish films at all. The Turkish Star Wars (in its original Turkish titled Dunyavi Kurturan Adam which loosely translates into “The Man Who Saved the World”) is an exquisite treasure that will open up an entirely new world of films to enjoy from Turkey. Be sure to look for Turkish versions of The Wizard of Oz, Superman, Star Trek and E.T. along your cinematic treasure hunt.

Disney's Song of the South can only be found as a bootleg made from a Japanese laser disc.

The Karen Carpenter Story, Song of the South and The Turkish Star Wars are merely a small sampling from this bizarre world of movies that will never, ever be shown at a theater or available at the video store. These films can only be found by putting forth great effort, and sometimes, unreasonable sums of money. My travels to find these movies have taken me to film festivals, obscure screening events, comic conventions and on the Internet buying videos from the other side of the globe. But these obstacles have never stopped me, nor should they stop any film fanatic in search of cinematic holy grails. In a way, I like to consider myself the Indiana Jones of indie film. It’s the only way my collection of videos will continue to grow. I remain ever vigilant in my efforts to uncover those movies that push the boundaries that make Hollywood movies bland by comparison.

However, recently most of the content I just mentioned can be found, and without much difficulty, on the internet. The shelf space allotted to my proud collection could fit in the palm of my hand on a hard drive. YouTube has clips from all the aforementioned films and many more. While TV studios file lawsuits to get their clips off YouTube, underground film is being pillaged and exposed for all to see.

I could look on this as a good or a bad thing. The thrill of discovery is gone. But the exclusive underground club as I knew it has now become the viral video of the moment. So, maybe that's not a bad thing. I can actually see something positive in this, like underground filmmakers like Damon Packard finally getting exposure for his brilliant work.

Underground filmmaker Damon Packard could be the next John Waters.

I guess it's the same argument I get into when I hear people complain about Hot Topic at the mall. I grew up with punk and music and fashion were hard to find. Better a Hot Topic at the mall and the subversion of young minds on a mass scale than a Banana Republic.

So, while the underground may be dead when it comes to physical medium on VHS or DVD, the influence of these hard-to-find movies will be felt online for years to come. And filmmakers like Damon Packard will offend a whole new audience.

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker and the creator of Film Threat. Chris cherishes his collection of 100 laser discs, 50 CD-i movies, and over 3,000 VHS tapes. NOTE: The next Footage Fetishes column will feature a Damon Packard story that is guaranteed to both shock and arouse.

The major summer movies have come and gone, so it’s a good time to evaluate how this summer stacks up in terms of the winners and losers. Every year the industry predicts doom, and then the summer box-office breaks last year’s record. This year will be no different. Here’s a quick checklist of what we’ve learned from the summer movie season 2007 – the surprises, the biggest, the best, the worst, and more… according to me anyway.


Biggest Box-office Winner
Spider-Man 3
Ranking currently at number 15 on the all-time U.S. box-office list with $336 million dollars in ticket sales, the only thing people are wondering about is if there’s a fourth in the works… and who might star in it.

Biggest Box-office Loser
Stardust
At a cost of over $100 million, this well-reviewed Neil Gaiman-written fairy tale with a stellar cast made a paltry $9 million in its debut weekend. It seems audiences are just not in the mood for a Princess Bride-style adventure. As you wish.


Biggest Disappointment
Evan Almighty
Okay, no one was looking forward to a sequel to Bruce Almighty wrapped up neatly in a modern telling of Noah’s Ark story… but Steve Carell is hot! Well, er, he was.

Surprise Hit
Knocked Up
Vulgar and sweetness should be trademark of Judd Apatow and his gang of merry men. Seth Rogan and Katherine Heigl are now the proud parents of a sub-genre of romantic comedy that delivers gross-out laughs with a heart.

Surprisingly Good
Transformers
The word was that director Michael Bay was just going to disappoint the hardcore fans who watched the original cartoon and played with Transformers toys as kids. That disappeared after the first screening when Bay delivered probably his best film yet. So, will we see Micronauts next?


Surprise Failure
Sicko
Michael Moore’s 2004 documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 made $119 million at the U.S. box-office and quickly became the highest-grossing doc in film history. Sicko has yielded a respectable $23 million in ticket sales so far, but has yet to really engage the public in a debate about health care. Too bad as the film is perhaps his best yet.

Best Sequel
The Bourne Ultimatum
All Matt Damon has to do is talk fast into a cell phone and run, run, run away as the camera shakes in an attempt to keep up… and it’s ends up being a thrill ride that is intense as hell. Do that again for us, will you?

Worst Sequel
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
So, the story of the coming of Galactus ends in a cloud. Really? A cloud. That’s all you got? Did they not read the comic book? Lose the slapstick and reboot this series with an indie filmmaker who can get to the deeper layers of Marvel’s super-family.


Bright New Star
Seth Rogan
Who knew that “schlumpy” was the new “sexy”? Thank you Seth Rogan.

Falling Star
Bruce Willis
Live Free or Die Hard is clearly the second best in the Die Hard series, but failed to live up to expectations. Something not to miss when it comes to DVD.

Why did they even make this film? (Or, I can’t believe this movie was so bad!)
It's a 12-way tie!
Daddy Day Camp and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End and I Know Who Killed Me and Hot Rod and License to Wed and Becoming Jane and Nancy Drew and Who’s Your Caddy? and No Reservations and Underdog and Rush Hour 3 and Bratz
There clearly was not a shortage of bad movies this summer… and in six months, landfills across America will be filled with DVDs bearing their names. In fact, I’d be surprised if you even remembered that half these films were released over the summer.


Tracy Turnblad wishes every day were Negro day... one day her wish may come true.

Summer 2007’s Best Film
Hairspray
This is the only summer movie that not only lives up to, but surpasses the hype. Hairspray delivers a much-needed wake up call with messages about not only about racism, but people with different body types. Nicole Blonsky as the new Tracy Turnblad is just plain hot.

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore spent his summer indoors watching movies and remains proud of his "indoor kid" heritage.

I’ve seen thousands of films in my life. However, it pains me to know that there are some I may never get a chance to see. I want to see the art film classic The Flower that Drank the Moon. The Man with Two Things and That’s Armageddon are two exploitation films I would travel anywhere to catch. And I really want to see George Lucas’ horror flick Blue Harvest from 1983. The trouble is that I will never see any of them because none of these films actually exist. That is, unless someone goes ahead and makes films with these names. The aforementioned titles belong to a small category of movies within movies.

The mockumentary The Independent features a slew of phony films including posters for classics like Heil Titler which one can only hope will actually be made someday.

For years, I’ve kept track of references to these fictional flicks in fact I usually experience a little nerdgasm when I notice one in a movie. I especially appreciate it when a filmmaker wishes to fill in details of a movie by creating films that can only be seen in that imaginary world. For me, that universe becomes even more real when that place has its own movies.

Janeane Garofalo and Jerry Stiller star in The Independent about the fictional world of Fineman Films.

There’s one film in particular, The Independent release in 2000 that follows the life of schlock film producer Morty Fineman played by Jerry Stiller. Morty is kind of a Troma Films/Lloyd Kaufman-type who has made some of the most bizarre films in movie history. Take for example, the bizarre legal drama Christ for the Defense, which is noteworthy just for its name and features Jesus going ultra violent in the court room. The filmmakers even went so far as to create fake movie posters to promote the film with titles like Cage Full of Waitresses, That's Armageddon, Heil Titler, The Foxy Chocolate Robot, The Man with Two Things and World War III Part II. It’s sort of a Spinal Tap for exploitation films and does not disappoint in the phony film department.

Another Morty Fineman classic film from The Independent. The movie was inspired by the life of schlockmeister Lloyd Kaufman.

Other references are more subtle, such as the one in that director Terry Zwigoff worked into Ghost World during a scene in a video store. Playing in the background is an earnest and artfully crafted trailer for a sure to be Oscar winner called The Flower that Drank the Moon. I nearly choked on a raisinet when I saw that. The voiceover for the fake trailer is especially convincing in all of its dullness.

Other favorite phony film references include the sci-fi movie Chubby Rain which was the movie being made in Steve Martin’s Bowfinger. Mant, about a man who becomes a murderous ant, appears in the film Matinee starring John Goodman. Mant includes all of clichés of 1950s monster movies, and director Joe Dante even went so far as to make a 30-minute version of the flick to be shown in the background. (You can see the entire half hour version of Mant on the DVD.)

Stab 3 appeared as the fictional film being made in Scream 3. Blue Harvest is a horror film used as a cover during the making of Return of the Jedi.

In the original Back to the Future, Michael J. Fox passes in front of a movie marquee that lists Watch the Skies and A Boy's Life, the working titles for Steven Spielberg's Close Encounters and E.T.

One particularly notable phony films appears in the late Robert Altman film The Player. Bruce Willis and Julia Roberts actually star in scenes from Habeas Corpus, a legal thriller, and the climax of the phony film appears during The Player’s final act as well.

In most of his movies, director John Landis includes a reference to a movie called See You Next Wednesday which is also the title of the porno movie featured in An American Werewolf in London.

Kevin Smith has practically cornered the market on references to phony films within his movies. Much of is debut feature Clerks takes place in a video store where Randall can be heard discussing movies in which the titles alone provide the entertainment, here’s a partial list: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup, Whispers in the Wind, To Each His Own, Put It Where It Doesn't Belong, My Pipes Need Cleaning, All Tit-Fucking Volume 8, I Need Your Cock, Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers, My Cunt Needs Shafts, Cum Clean, Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts, Cum Buns III, Cumming in Socks, Cum On Eileen, Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White Cum, Men Alone II: the KY Connection, Pink Pussy Lips, and, All Holes Filled with Hard Cock. Oddly, the adult titles sound all too real. And Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back includes scenes being shot for Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season as well as a poster for Ben Affleck starring in Moonraper which sounds oddly realistic. And the movie itself is about the film adaptation of the Bluntman and Chronic comic book.

Bruce Campbell is pictured in this poster for Sand Pirates of the Sahara which appeared in the Jim Carrey movie The Majestic. Moonraper starring Ben Affleck can be found in Kevin Smith's Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

Here’s a short list of some of the standouts from years past:

Log Jammin' from The Big Lebowski.

Jaws 19 from Back to the Future Part II.

The Night the Reindeer Died from Bill Murray’s Scrooged.

Coot starring with Paul Newman which appeared during the Oscar ceremony in the Kevin Kline film In and Out.

The Dancing Cavalier from Singing in the Rain!

Dark Windows from Death Becomes Her.

The Old Mill from State and Main.

Grotesque and Grotesque Part II from Get Shorty.

On Seinfeld there were episodes with the movies Prognosis: Negative, and Rochelle Rochelle: A Young Woman's Strange Erotic Journey from Milan to Minsk.

Rear Entry, the gerbil film from John Waters' Cecil B. Demented.

Meet Pamela from Francois Truffaut's Day for Night.

Attack of the Pickle People from S.O.B.

Jim Belushi's character in Joe Somebody stars in Quick to Kill and Tom Sawyer Must Die.

In The Hard Way, Michael J. Fox's character, Nick Lang, is the star of Smoking Gun II.

Abe and the Babe from the Kevin Bacon classic The Big Picture.

In True Romance, watching dailies from Joel Silver's (I mean, Lee Donowitz's) Coming Home in a Body Bag (Part 2).

Also there's the hilarious scene in Barton Fink where John Turturro sits horrified watching the dailies of Blood, Sweat and Canvas.

One of my personal favorites, Too Many Grandmas starring Olympia Dukakis and Bo Derek from an episode of The Simpsons.

And in Blow Out, the film that John Travolta's character is doing the sound effects for is called Bordello of Blood, which he can't find a convincing scream for... until the end, when he ends up cold-heartedly using Nancy Allen's real-life death scream...

This list alone proves that phony films seem to be an obsession for many filmmakers. To me, these films are absolutely real. They have a life. They may only exist as films within other films, but I’d love to see one of these get made some day. Well, at least in my own imagination.

Gore gone.

One of Chris_Gore's pointless goals is to stand in movie lines and loudly praise "fake" films in an effort to spread the idea that they are real.

The San Diego Comic Con is the birthplace of ideas when it comes to pop culture. In fact, the Con is, in no small way, responsible for the most popular genre movies that make their way to theaters and end up becoming the biggest films at the box office. This is where comics, novels and children’s books are discovered by TV and film executives to develop into movies.

Last year Comic Con attendees were greeted with this banner promoting the film Accepted.

It’s also where the creators of such properties can directly connect with fans and hear what they really think. Fans have plenty of opportunities to talk back and offer praise, positive feedback and sometimes, valuable negative comments in the interests of having an influence on their favorite genre characters and stories.

If you happen to be at the con, just for fun, mention that you absolutely loved that director Joel Schumacher put nipples on the Batsuit. In fact, you thought it was a fabulous idea. Do this while waiting in any random Comic Con line and prepare not only to get an earful, you will know the wrath of geeks and learn to fear them. In fact, my personal favorite memories of con’s past are those longwinded late night conversations in hotel bars discussing how Jar Jar ruined Star Wars or the death of the Star Trek franchise. Heck, I love the fact that I can make an obscure joke/reference to the movie Krull while taking a leak in the restroom, and 10 nerds at the urinals next to me will laugh and piss on themselves. For me, this is movie geek heaven. It’s the place I feel I can really fit in among all the misfits.

I remember a time when I would mention the words “Comic Con” and I'd receive a puzzled look along with a question, "Is this a convention for comedians?" Now, the con has grown nearly beyond the capacity of the enormous San Diego Convention Center and tops out attendance at 120,000 geeks, myself among them. The four day event actually had to stop admitting people for the very first time on Saturday last year. These are the most passionate from geekdom who have traveled from all over the world get to face to face with their heroes.

Costumes are not just for nerds...

The trip down south for Hollywood folks was once a well kept secret, but now mainstream outlets are covering the con, and even lonely creators and illustrators with Xeroxed books who are relegated to the far corners of the convention center are sought out for their stories. A hand-made stapled together comic book could be the next big movie franchise. This is exactly how properties such as Bob Burden’s comic Mystery Men and Men in Black were discovered and turned into films.

Now the con is incredibly important to the film studios as a launching pad for films. Buzz starts at Comic Con for all the big movies, and this year will be no different as fans will be treated to sneaks of movies coming to theaters in 2008. Presenting trailers, or rough cuts of scenes, passing out freebies like posters and buttons, starts fans talking to other fans and online about what will be hot next year.

I’m highlighting the films I’m personally excited about. It should be pointed out that all of these all began as either a comic book (Hulk, Iron Man, Batman), a children's books (Where the Wild Things Are), a cartoon/anime series (Speed Racer) or a TV series (Star Trek) – and all of them became popular among fans at Comic Con so that they could become films in the first place.

I’ll update this piece with additional details next week, once I’ve recovered, but for now, here’s a sneak peek at Comic Con’s movie offerings. Now, it’s time to get my geek on!


The Wachowski Brothers will bring Speed Racer to theaters in 2008 with Christina Ricci as Trixie and Emile Hirsch as Speed. As of this writing, Chim Chim has not been cast.


Robert Downey, Jr. is the man of steel in Iron Man.


Ed Norton will turn green in summer 2008 in the Hulk sequel. But will Hulk smash?


Can J.J. Abrams reinvent the Star Trek franchise?


Spike Jonze is sure to put a twisted spin on his adaptation of Maurice Sendak's beloved children's book Where the Wild Things Are.


Tim Burton takes a stab at dark comedy with Sweeney Todd.


The full title of the fourth Indiana Jones film is rumored to be revealed. Pictured in the center is Shia Labeouf from Disturbia, who plays a key role in the new adventure.


Will we get a glimpse of the Joker in action from Batman: Dark Knight?

NOTE: Check back for Comic Con updates... for now...
Gore gone!

Chris_Gore is more than geeks the eye.

I have to admit something very embarrassing. I am a Harry Potter fan who does not read the books. There, I said it. In fact, I don’t read the books because I want to be surprised when I see the movies. I’ve been lucky enough to experience them all ignorant of most of the details. With the exception of knowing who dies in each particular film, I walk out of the movie theater relatively surprised.

Yes, I know it’s shocking. And I am constantly berated by friends who tell me that I should read the books as the magical story of Harry is so wonderfully told. I believe that. But I’m a movie guy, not a book guy, and if I know a movie is coming, well, I’m going to see it. I guess I’m sticking to the same philosophy I had back in school when seeing the movie was easier and less time-consuming than delving into the words.

Harry is a curious boy who seeks to learn about mysterious and magical things... like girls.

There’s no need to remind me that the books are better, in fact, the books are always better than the movies since those little details have a chance to flourish. I’ll take your word for it as this is a commonly held belief. So before you crucify me for doing something as heinous as not reading each chapter of the Potter bible, let’s all just accept the fact that the mediums are simply different experiences. In fact, I happen to believe that there are more Potter movie fans out there than many are willing to admit. So give me some credit for my embarrassing confession.

The benefit of not reading the books allows me to see the Potter saga as movies first and I do have personal favorite films in the series. For me, in order of best to worst (and by worst, I don’t mean bad, just not as amazing as others in comparison) of the series, I would rank the movies this way:
1. Azkaban
2. Stone
3. Secrets
4. Goblet
5. Phoenix

Of course, I expect many of you to chime in with your own thoughts. Here’s a Potter movie fan’s perspective on each film in the series.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001 - aka "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone")
Aw, those three were so cute back then. If the first film introducing us to Harry’s world were a song, it would be nearly perfect note for note. Most surprising is the young cast who perfectly capture the sense of amazement when exposed to all that magic. We learn that Voldemort is a bad dude who was responsible for Harry’s family tragedy.


Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
The second film follows the formula of movie sequel 101 success by making everything the same but on a larger scale. In fact, the second is pretty much a rehash of the first. Both Stone and Chamber are very similar in their “Scooby-Doo-solving-a-mystery” vibe. Now we discover that Voldemort may be more than just a threat from the past.


Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
The cast grows up and even sports some clothes that kids can relate to. Director Alfonso Cuarón creates a tone that departs from the child-like wonderment of the first two into a more mature Harry. The clever time-twisting and emotional climax adds weight to the series. Also, Voldemort is coming. Just a reminder.


Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)
Things are getting a bit dark as the Tri-Wizard Tournament results in the death of Cedric Diggory. Harry finally confronts Voldy and is far outmatched by his power. Watch out, Voldemort is here!


Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)
Harry is haunted by dreams of Voldemort and no one believes the young wizard. The story hops around seeming to skip over important details. For the first time, I feel like I should be reading the books since much of the story seems to be glossed over. Oh, and Voldemort is coming! Why won’t anyone believe me that Voldemort is coming? Why is it taking so long for Voldemort to get here? C’mon already! This is like Darth Vader taking six movies to strike back!

We’re now at five Potter flicks, with two left to go and the final book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows set for release tomorrow. And some fans fear the films will fizzle when the fate of Harry is revealed. I don’t believe for a second that knowing the finale of the Potter saga will dissuade moviegoers from stampeding to the theater to catch the latest film. (Did Lord of the Rings fans stay away knowing that the ring would end up being tossed into lava?)

The sixth movie is already in production, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince will see release in 2008 with director David Yates at the helm yet again. For the first time in the franchise, the fans, the filmmakers and the cast will know exactly where the story is going. But I will do my best to remain blissfully ignorant in anticipation of the next in the series. So fellow Muggles, do me a favor and keep those spoilers to yourself.

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore is a Pothead.

At the recent E3: Electronic Entertainment Expo, I had the opportunity to speak with Cliff Bleszinski, or Cliffy B as he is widely known among gamers. Cliff is the lead designer of the best selling game Gears of War on the XBox 360, which is in development at New Line to be translated to the screen. Strangely, for those who have played Gears, the experience is often described as being cinematic. When I asked Cliff about the movie-like elements of his game, he was very adamant that “…if game designers want to make a movie, then they should make a movie.” Good point.

Super Mario Brothers

As someone who at times, straddles the line between various industries, I have always admired the video game business. When a game is not ready, sometimes having to do with bugs, but more often having to do with concerns regarding the quality of the game itself, that game is delayed. Schedules are often pushed back, and while marketing departments at game companies push for release dates centered on prime holiday buying periods, a game that is not ready will not ship. Not every company in the games business sticks to this philosophy, but it seems to be a sound way of doing business when reputations are built and destroyed over the quality of one title.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

It might be nice if, say, the film business adopted the same philosophy. If a movie is not ready, if it’s not up to quality standards, then the release date should be pushed back. That might have improved films like Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, which was entertaining and fun but clearly not good. A test audience might have mentioned that the inclusion of Galactus as a character would have added more weight to the story, but this is wishful thinking. Films are rarely ever delayed these days, and the quality, or lack thereof, would never impact the release date. The film business is so costly when it comes to major theatrical releases, theatrical releases that are tied into ad campaigns that must be booked months in advance, merchandising tie-in deals, partnerships with retailers or fast food franchises, to delay the release of any movie would ensure that film never made a profit. But it might make a better movie.

Wing Commander

Still, why is it that movies and video games, mediums that are so closely linked, just can’t seem to work when translating from one to the other?

Resident Evil

The history of video games made into movies is a very rocky one. In fact, compiling a “Top 10” or list of the “Best” video game movies is a complete waste of time. The simple reason is that there has hardly been one good film made from a video game, much less one that is remotely watch-able. The evidence is clear when simply creating the list from which to draw the “best.”

Street Fighter

Consider examples like Street Fighter or Double Dragon or Super Mario Brothers or Lara Croft: Tomb Raider or The House of the Dead or Mortal Kombat, which was kind of fun, but ultimately cheesy and tame compared to the game. You might find a list of the “Best” somewhere, but it’s more like reading a list of films made from video games, none of them rising to the top as being films worth seeing when separated from their video game roots.

The House of the Dead


Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

Oddly enough, gamers will tell you that there has never been a decent game made from a movie, which is probably true. Most games made from film franchises are rushed to meet a release date coinciding with the theatrical release and include familiar, yet not particularly challenging gameplay resulting in a mediocre game at best. Still, like an idiot, I play them. I happen to enjoy video games based on movie franchises because they are not very challenging. They often result in games I can finish because my limited skills as a gamer would definitely keep me from being considered as a back up for those players in the MLG. (That’s Major League Gaming, and yes, it really exists.)


Gears of War (left) is in development at New Line, while the groundbreaking Halo franchise is in the able hands of Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson, who is executive producing. Will either translate into a decent movie?

As my conversation with Cliffy B wrapped up, he did express enthusiasm about the Gears movie. He told me that a script was delivered by screenwriter Stuart Beattie and that it was going to be a good film first, not a video game movie. In fact, Cliff was adamant about staying focused on his career as a game designer with no aspirations about being in the film business. It’s a lesson many learn to late – just stick to what you know.

Gore gone.

In addition to being a movie geek, Chris_Gore continues to battle a lifelong addiction to video games.

The toy that changed a generation is now a movie that owes its success to a simple tried and true formula for summer box office gold. Transformers the movie is set to break not only box office records but action figure sales records as well. As of this writing, tracking companies report that 90% of audiences are rating Transformers “Excellent” to “Very Good.” The weekend is not even here, and in a few days, the film has racked up over $84 million. In fact, the only segment of the audience that is the least enthusiastic, according to industry tracking has been, not surprisingly, females 25 and over. But was there any ever doubt that this film was always more of a “guys” movie?


After this summer, kids will be naming their pets "Optimus Prime."

The action director film geeks love to hate, Michael Bay, had a helping hand in crafting the universal storyline from the master of the summer movie epic, Steven Spielberg. Perhaps that’s why the heart and soul of Transformer’s story is rooted in delivering very basic elements that are known to add up to a hit movie. Yet this formula must be so carefully mixed, that even the slightest deviation will lead to disaster.

The formula goes something like this:
Relatable Character with a Simple Goal + Cute Sidekick/Pet
+ Action x Comedy ÷ Universal Themes
x Heroes ÷ Villains
+ The “X” Factor =
Successful Summer Movie

Let me break it down for you.

Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is the face audience's can identify with.

Relatable Character with a Simple Goal
Shia LeBouf has been called the new “Tom Hanks” but that’s probably a little too soon. Really, he’s just a likable kid. His character’s goal, to get his first car and possibly “talk” to a girl, is incredibly relatable to males of any age. And the way that Shia plays every scene is with that wide-eyed sense of wonder. He’s the character audiences look to when they want to know how to react. His performance grounds the film in a reality that makes the fantastic events believe-able. Sure, sounds simple, and its easy to type that sentence, but not so easy to pull off in a major effects film, see countless examples of duds from previous summers.

Cute Sidekick/Pet
Sam Witwicky has a pet. It’s a cute Chihuahua and it’s name is Mojo. And when it’s bad, he calls him “Bad Mojo.” Mojo has a broken leg. And we feel sorry for it as Sam must administer the tiny dog pain pills. And Mojo pees on a Transformer’s foot. And it’s cute, cute, so cute! In fact, it borders on cute overload but the dog which appears just enough to avoid being annoying.


It's not violence, it's "action."

Action
The film contains 15 action set-pieces, each with their own simply defined goal – get away from the killer alien robot, try not to get killed by the alien robot, run away from the car that might be a killer robot, run away and try to kill the killer robot that is killing everything. In addition, robots fighting just look cool. The only complaint here may be that the action is so fast and furious as to sometimes seem confusing. But it’s robots beating the crap out of each other!


Anthony Anderson on the right, provides plenty of humor, an essential summer movie element.

Comedy
Shia LeBouf’s character Sam Witwicky provides plenty of laughs as a geeky virgin, but Anthony Anderson is the true comedic standout in every scene he’s in. Michael Bay deserves credit for allowing these actors to improvise much of the comedy loosening up the tension normally accompanied by impending doom. Not to mention Bernie Mack’s hilarious scene as a sleazy used car salesman that would be fun to watch in any movie.

Heroes ÷ Villains
There are an abundance of loveable and love-to-hate characters in Transformers, in fact, enough for several sequels, which I’m sure are already in the planning and/or toy design phase. Bumble Bee (that yellow Camaro) is especially filling in as E.T. Optimus Prime’s regal and bad ass manner makes you miss him when he’s not around.

Universal Themes
This is something we call can relate to. And when I say “all” what I mean specifically is the intended demographic for this movie hovering around the 14-15 year-old male or the segment of the population of men who stand firmly in the 14-15 year-old male mindset which, let’s be honest, is a significant part of the male population.


Mikaela (Megan Fox) is the girl in the movie most guys (and girls) would like to...

So, what universal themes are contained in Transformers?
I want a car.
I want my parents to leave me alone.
I want a hot girlfriend.
I want an adventure.
I want my own robot from space to protect me from bullies.
I think we can all relate to these things.


The key element to the success of Transformers is seeing something we've never seen before.

The “X” Factor (Something We’ve Never Seen)
Without the “X” Factor, all the previously mentioned elements mean nothing. This most important part of the formula is usually represented by something new and fresh. It’s something never before seen on a movie screen, but backed up by all the previously mentioned familiar elements.

So, to future summer blockbusters, show us something we’ve seen a million times but show it to us in a way we’ve never seen.

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore no longer collects action figures. He ran out of room.

There are over 2,000 titles for television shows, TV episodes, TV movies, shorts and feature films listed on the Internet Movie Database containing the word “American.” More than any other country in the world, the good ol’ US of A turns up as the most popular choice when it comes to naming a movie property. From American Splendor to American Movie to American Pie to American Pimp to American History X to American Graffiti to American Ninja to American Virgin to American Zombie and on and on. I’m curious as to the reasons for this odd fact.


Actually there seems to be an overuse of the word “American” in film titles, especially in the last decade. So what’s with this obsession on the part of filmmakers? And, more importantly, if one only viewed films containing the word “American,” what would one learn? As residents of the country standing firmly as the number one choice in movie titles prepare to celebrate the mid-week fourth of July holiday, I think it’s time we examined this popular trend. What exactly do American movies tell us about Americans?


Americans are self-centered, arrogant, vain and conceited.
Well, what else is new? But how else would one explain the sheer number of titles containing the word? While this may be true, sure, we can be a little full of ourselves, we can be a whole lot of fun to hang out with when we’re not invading other countries or throwing the Middle East into turmoil. What would really be interesting is discovering how well these movies do overseas. Without checking facts at all, something that rarely happens in stories written online, I would venture a guess that these films do just okay, but you won’t find them at the top of the French box office.


Americans love violence.
American Psycho, American History X and American Ninja certainly provide enough violence, or as it’s more politely called stateside, “action,” to prove that this is a culture obsessed with killing and blood and guts. In particular, American Psycho’s central character Patrick Bateman is bloodthirsty in his hunt for new victims… and we’re rooting for him all the way!


Americans are a horror show.
The plot of An American Werewolf in London is explained within the title and that kind of simplicity is what distinguishes most American films. The pimp, like jazz, is a purely American invention. American Zombie is a mockumentary which details the eroding rights of zombie workers in the U.S. The film deals head on with the issues of immigration by way of replacing the undead with undocumented workers and does a solid job of examining the problem, with a humorous take of course. And if one watches American Pimp, you’ll see an altogether completely different kind of horror show.


Americans want to get laid. Badly.
Living in a sexually uptight and repressive country is only going to lead the uninitiated to be more interested in sex. The success of films like the The Last American Virgin and the American Pie franchise prove that U.S. teens are not only desperate and horny, they also need a healthy dose of nudity and titillation just like the other kids all over the world. Film ratings boards from country to country maintain varying standards when it comes to classifying the age at which certain movies should be recommended viewing. One difference may be strange but not surprising to many – while violence is given tougher age restrictions the world over, nudity and sex is not. It’s the opposite in the U.S. where violence gets a pass and nudity or sex of any kind will garner an R rating. Which will only make those kids want to see it all the more.


Wacky Americans are just fun to watch.
I grew up just outside of Detroit, Michigan on the border of Canada. I was subjected to a lot of Canadian culture through television and I loved it. From Mr. Dress Up to Rocket Robin Hood, to the Friendly Giant to Hockey Night in Canada, the CBC was refreshing and different to a little American boy on the other side of the border.

But Canadian films, which I saw as a frequent attendee of the Toronto Festival of Festivals, always lacked… something. There was just no edge. The movies always seemed stale or milquetoast. Frankly, Canadian movies, which are mostly seen only in Canada, are boring. It’s no wonder that Canada’s most talented actors, comedians and filmmakers seek work in the United States. But the most profound reason for this was explained to me by a very friendly Canadian at the fest. He told me that Canada doesn’t have the widespread social problems that plague the U.S. Violence and poverty are daily struggles for a good number of Americans. Pain is often a pathway to good art, or at least, art worth noticing. Therefore, Canadians have no edge or just don’t have as interesting stories to tell. (Remember, a Canadian told me this, but it does make sense.)

Americans may be burdened with an increasingly idiotic, repressive, violent and ugly culture, but the world seems to have no problem entertaining itself by watching our movies. Thank you world.

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore will celebrate the fourth of July next week on the second, third and the fourth.

There is more interest now in the film business than at any time in history. Back in the day, round about the mid-1970s, your average person didn’t have much interest in movies other than seeing them. At that time, box office reports were something seen only in the trades. And you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who could name a filmmaker.

But that was then.

Now, my mom who lives in the Midwest can name the number one film at the box office each week. With the internet, there are more outlets covering movies now than there are movies made in any given year. There’s almost an obsession on the part of average moviegoers to learn everything about film’s that peak their interest. DVDs seem to be required to include a “making-of” documentary. Television is filled with coverage of movies from interviews to on the set visits to peaks into the process of moviemaking itself through shows like Project Greenlight, IFC’s Film School and even HBO’s Entourage. All this must have led TV super-producer Mark Burnett and his associate Steven Spielberg to believe that the public would embrace a show that is basically “American Idol for Filmmakers.” Unfortunately, they were wrong. Not about the interest on the part of the public, but by the approach to the subject.

If you are one of the few folks still watching FOX’s reality show On the Lot, then we should talk. Both of us. The ratings for the show have been abysmal from the start, even though the premiere episode aired just after the final episode of American Idol, a show I am proud to say I have only seen glimpses of in promos. (I am used to the fact that my personal taste rarely aligns with the general public’s.) The ratings for On the Lot have dropped by half nearly each week, and they even cut the schedule from twice weekly airings to only once a week on Tuesday evenings. I’m guessing the only reason it’s still on is because Mr. Spielberg, the most financially successful filmmaker of all time, is involved.

So, why am I still watching this terrible show? I am burdened with a lifelong film obsession and I relish every peak into the process provided by shows like Greenlight and Film School, both of which I highly recommend on DVD. I believe that the show began with good intentions – to reveal the drama of a movie competition as filmmakers “go for their dream” in a contest where America votes. I remember first hearing about On the Lot and being excited about the possibilities, to the point where I was actually recommending certain talented filmmaking pals submit applications. I am so glad none of my friends took my advice, I’d feel so guilty. The show is not just a ratings disaster, plenty of great programming receives awful Nielsons, it’s just plain torture to watch each week. So rather than continue viewing in pain, I feel compelled to tell you why On the Lot failed.

Reality TV super-producer Mark Burnett, the lucky contestants from the Fox's reality TV series On the Lot and director Steven Spielberg, who has yet to make an appearance on the show.

The Dream
There’s something about watching underdogs go for their dream that is instantly relate-able. We feel their pain and want them to triumph against the odds. The individual singers on American Idol seem to generate armies of fans rooting on for their success. Sadly, no one seems to care about filmmakers. Somehow, the dream of those pursuing a career as a filmmaker is just not widely relate-able as those of a kid who wants to sing on stage. Or, perhaps the producers have not shown us enough about each contestant to make us care.

The Host
Many who have seen the show always seem to complain about the host, Adrianna Costa, who was a replacement at the last minute. Having done a job that was similar on show on IFC, I can tell you that it’s not a lot of fun. You’re there to play traffic cop, and lead the audience to the next bit. Adrianna Costa is fine to me. She’s most likely being overproduced before she appears live to read teleprompter, after she’s read it 50 times before that, and after having done rehearsal after rehearsal which puts the minds of producers at ease, but can make the host seem stiff. Let her loosen up.

The Films
Well, they’re very good, for the most part, especially compared to most of the content uploaded to YouTube. But let’s see each director making those movies. That’s the fun part, witnessing the struggle to get it made, which is how shows that tackled similar material became popular – by exposing the process.


Film and television producer/director Garry Marshall and actress/writer Carrie Fisher make up two-thirds of the panel of judges each week.

The Judges
The panel of judges is, well, for the most part, out of touch. Carrie Fisher prefaces nearly every statement by saying “I think you’re very talented,” then proceeds to explain why she didn’t get it. It’s like watching a John Waters movie with your mom who then fails to understand why Divine eating poodle poop is an important scene. While Carrie may be loopy, Garry Marshall seems to still be living in the 70s with his views on women. He’s referred to female directors as “girls” and is simply condescending in his remarks when he says words to the effect, “That was a good movie… for a girl.” I think grampa forgot to take his medicine. There is a glimmer of intelligence when it comes to comments made by the weekly guest director. The judges who have dispensed all the best advice have been the revolving directors chair which has included Brett Ratner, D.J. Caruso, Michael Bay and most recently, Wes Craven. Each of them seem to be mentoring when they provide notes on each film. Why not a panel of three directors?

The Drama… or Lack of it…
The show is clearly modeled after American Idol by showing this fake drama created solely by the host informing contestants one by one whether they are “safe.” Then, a few “unsafe” filmmakers must stand and wait for the entire show to learn if they will stay or go. Ugh. It’s so embarrassing to watch, I actually feel awful for the filmmakers.

Ultimately, FOX was probably not the best home for this show. Bravo or Sundance Channel or IFC would probably have take the concept of a film competition show and made it much more intelligent given that they're less dependent upon ratings. It’s too late to retool the show on FOX, but it’s not too late for another network to create an imitator. Though, TV is not really in the business of replicating failure.

Anyway, if you happen to have missed On the Lot, every episode is available for download on the official site… if you care.

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore admits being addicted to reality TV, but is in slow recovery.

The Fantastic Four was my gateway comic book. It was the comic book that made me fall in love with comics. Like many who discovered Marvel comics as a kid, I enjoyed reading stories involving super-heroes burdened with personal problems. These were characters that I could relate to. While the adventures were larger than life, the events were always grounded in the reality of everyday life. Heroes not only had to deal with their sworn enemies, but school, work, family and relationships.

There were certain issues of the FF that were so grand in scale that it diminished any piece of fiction that I’d experienced as a 12 year-old. In particular, issue number 48 of the Fantastic Four, which I read reprinted in an aptly-named “Giant-Sized” edition of the FF, told a tale titled “The Coming of Galactus.” The story was epic. It introduced the Silver Surfer and Galactus. And other characters like the Watcher and the Thing’s girlfriend Alicia, paid off in ways that were genius. In its original printing, the story spanned three issues, which was not normal at the time when most comics were wrapped up all their conflicts in about 20 pages. Reading this one story as a kid was off the charts and blew away any book, television show or movie I’d seen. I remember thinking then, wow, this story would make a really good movie.

Cut to years later, and the Fantastic Four was being made into a movie… by Roger Corman. This was the infamous low-budget project that was shot in 1993 so that a German production company Constantin Films could hold onto the rights. To do that, the FF movie had to be in production before the end of the year. I somehow talked them into allowing me to write a story about the production and I was on the set for most of the two week shoot. I interviewed just about everyone involved and the cover story appeared in Film Threat. I recall a sense of sadness at watching a cheap production being made from my favorite comic book. The other memory is seeing poor actress Rebecca Staab, who played Sue Storm, in her blue leotard costume… it was very revealing in the most embarrassing places. If you’ve seen a bootleg copy of this film, you know the result is not much better than a fan film, but it amazed me how much heart was put into that little movie.

In 2005, director Tim Story brought us the latest incarnation of the fab four. While this Fantastic Four film’s flaws have already been discussed at length, what he got right were the characters. Sure, the effects seemed anemic and the budget seemed low, but there was heart at the center of what was ultimately a disappointment. Super-hero origin stories seem to come with their share of baggage – translating the characters, costumes, situations and decades of history onto the screen while pleasing the most fickle fans.


Now Story returns with the inevitable sequel Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer and without the burden of telling that origin tale. He’s also tackling that epic adventure from issues 48, 49 and 50 of the Fantastic Four comic book that many, including myself, point to as one of greatest stories ever inked, drawn and lettered. The result is a mixed bag. There is as much to like and there is to, I don’t want to say hate, so much as cringe at. There’s good and bad at every turn. It’s like having sex for the very first time and it’s so amazing and then you realize that… your mom is watching. You know, it’s good and then bad. Really bad. Okay, that’s a really creepy thought, but I can’t explain it any other way.


If you plan on catching the film, here are a few things you need to know… most of them spoilers, so read them at your own risk.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

The Silver Surfer is cool.
He’s mostly seen in digital form when flying around, but the make-up and costume as worn by Doug Jones is spectacular. It really is.

It’s about character.
The character interplay between the four, in particular, Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm, is dead on. In fact, it’s so entertaining, special effects are not required to enjoy their presence on screen – the two rivals are so much fun to watch.


The story makes no sense.
The climax in which the cloud dissipates is not explained very well and we seem to be prompted to cheer the finale by the music cues and not by any actual events. Doctor Doom wants the Surfer’s board because, um, I think he wants power? Or something? It’s not really made clear. The Silver Surfer reveals his identity to Sue, that he was once Norrin Radd, and that means, what exactly?

Galactus is a cloud. Yep, a cloud.
The movie begins as we see an enormous cloud hurtling through space toward earth and that cloud destroys a planet. We find out later that this cloud is Galactus. I don’t see any reason that a huge spacecraft couldn’t be seen at the center of the cloud and some 40 foot giant wearing a Mardi Gras style head could not have appeared and scared the bejeezus out of our heroes. The absence of Galactus being seen in some type of human form makes the threat far less menacing. And Doctor Doom is not a good replacement for Galactus’ presence.

Humor saves the day.
In the end, the humor really saves the movie. It’s not quite as juvenile as the first flick, and the switching powers thing does pay off in the end.

If I’d never read that comic as a kid, I probably would have enjoyed this movie much more. Unfortunately, I cannot unread it and the idea of what this could have been still lingers in my mind. I still feel as if that epic comic book tale remains to be told in the form of a movie. Perhaps someone like a Christopher Nolan could reinvent the FF years later and tackle this story in a way that would go beyond my imagination. One can’t help thinking how much better it would have been if they’d just been a bit more faithful to the original comic book.

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore fights crime in Los Angeles as the costumed avenger known as the Weasel.

Paris Hilton’s short-lived jail stay has sparked outrage among many. A celebrity receiving preferential treatment within the criminal justice system is nothing new, but the media attention to Paris’ plight only heightens awareness of the problems facing women who go to prison. For me, all I can think about is, well, women in prison movies. This exploitation genre’s popularity is due mostly to scenes involving women taking showers, females sharing intimate moments as well as much-loved cat fights.


Paris received no jail time for her performance in 2005's House of Wax, though many critics thought her bad acting was criminal.

When Paris was about to enter prison, she was quoted as saying that she would bring books to read. I can’t think of a more outrageous idea. Paris reading? Who would believe such complete nonsense? I prefer to think that she’d load up her Netflix queue with a selection of women in prison films.

So, for Paris and as a public service to anyone facing jail time, here’s a round-up of notable movies about women behind bars.



Women in Cages (1971)
This lackluster entry in the category centers on a women sent to prison on an island to serve ten years after being set up by her drug dealer boyfriend. Escaping into the jungle proves to be a bad idea when bounty hunters have their way with the ladies.
Kinda hot.

The Big Doll House (1971)
Director Jack Hill points his camera at Pam Grier who heads up a cast of virtual unknowns in a fairly forgettable film in the genre. As usual, Pam is badass. If this is what prison is about, then sign me up.
That's hot!


Black Mama, White Mama (1972)
Pam Grier returns to prime form co-starring with Margaret Markov in this women on the run film. These two ladies are chained together and must fight the wilderness and their differences (so cute) to survive. They soon find creeps like fine actor Sid Haig actually deserve to die.
Love it!


The incredibly sexy Barbara Steele from the memorable 1974 classic Caged Heat directed by Jonathan Demme.

Caged Heat (1974)
The tagline from the poster reads like a warning: Rape Riot and Revenge! White Hot Desires melting cold prison steel! Barbara Steele stars in what is known as probably the best film of the genre and the one that set the tone for future female incarceration flicks. Director Jonathan Demme delivered all the elements one would expect, the nudity, the violence and the sexual tension, while grounding the story in a disturbing reality. Viewers should be warned about graphic scenes with electroshock experiments and raping drugged prisoners.
That's hot! Hot! Hot!



Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS (1974)
Ilsa spawned a series of forgettable sequels, but the original stands the test of time as a classic. One of the best in the genre, this is not only a great women in prison film, but a fetishists' dream. The Ilsa in the title is the sadistic prison warden at a Nazi death camp who inflicts suffering in ways people pay top dollar for now. No one is good in this film, and by not being good, I mean bad, and by bad, I mean really good. Make sense?
Mean... and hot!

Reform School Girls (1986)
Reform School Girls would be one of the worst films ever made were it not for the amazing cast. Sybil Danning and the tough as nails warden, and punk icon Wendy O. Williams as a violent inmate made sparks fly in all the right ways.
So hot!


Chicago (2002)
Chicago proves two things: that a women in prison movie can get Academy Award recognition and that musical numbers should never appear in a women in prison movie.
Hmmm...



Brokedown Palace (1999)
Kate Beckinsdale and Claire Daines decide to blow off a trip to Hawaii to vacation in Thailand... the land of adventure and really scary prisons. This humorless film completely misses the mark taking a serious approach to the ridiculous story. There are no catfights or scenes of women getting close. A huge disappointment.
Gross.

Chicken Run (2000)
Chicken Run is actually based heavily on the Steve McQueen World War II prison camp movie The Great Escape, except in this case all the characters are chickens. Yep, chickens. Nick Park, who brought the world the amazing clay-animated adventures of Wallace and Gromit, is brains behind the most unique women in prison film ever. Sure, the conventions of the genre are turned upside down, but you will find plenty of chick fights.
Yummy!

Bamboo House of Dolls (1974)
This Shaw Brothers Hong Kong-sploitation flick is probably better known by its original title Nu ji zhong ying. A Japanese POW camp is the setting for this Asian women in prison film in which a nurse plots her escape. There's plenty of nudity and extreme violence as the Japanese prey on the Chinese women resulting in abuse and rape.
Gross.


Prison-A-Go-Go (2003)
This prison movie parody contains the standard issue shower scenes and the evil doctors while throwing in bizarre elements like kung fu food fights, mud wrestling and zombies. It makes little sense, but there's plenty to laugh at.
Funny and hot!

Slammer Girls (1987)
Released when comedies like Airplane! were at their height, this is perhaps the very first spoof of the genre. Unfortunately, it goes to prove that satirizing something that is already itself ridiculous doesn't always lead to laughs.
Not hot.

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker and the creator of Film Threat. Chris' rap sheet includes a charge of possession of alcohol at the age of 19 resulting in one night spent in a Detroit jail.

There was a time when I hated movies. It’s true, I absolutely despised them.

I argued passionately that they were all just pretend and not real. And the reason I pointed to as proof of my argument was that no one ever went to the bathroom in a movie.

I was four years-old.


A sight rarely seen in any movie... the toilet.

I learned to read before entering kindergarten, or at least well enough to scan the TV listings in the newspaper for what films were playing on television so that I could plan my busy schedule – playing with toys, movie, snack time, movie, nap time, movie, and so on. I fell in love with the fantasy world of the movies, but I was bothered that not once had I seen any of the characters take a break to hit the john. Sure, I’d hardly seen many flicks as a li’l punk, but I still found this to be troubling. The fact that much of a child’s life early on is centered upon going potty, either in one’s pants, or at night, or by accident, probably led the pint-sized version of me to make this observation.

I was a stubborn little kid and I didn’t know much, but I knew one thing for sure – everyone pees and everyone poops. (There’s even a popular children’s book on the topic.) I was dismayed that an activity that occupied much of my time, the mastery of the correct use of the toilet, was never actually seen in a movie. This became a colossal disappointment to me as a child because it was proof positive that everything I saw in a film was only make-believe. I remember feeling betrayed and lied to. Movies were a lie. It was truly devastating. The absence of bathroom breaks in movies rocked my teeny foundation, kind of like when Neo discovered that his entire life was a lie and that all of his experiences were not genuine at all, but resided inside computer world of the Matrix.

My parents were highly amused by my strong views regarding truth in movies probably because I was a movie-obsessed kid who spoke articulately about film experiences while wearing training pants. Whenever a friend or family member mentioned a movie they liked, I would chime in to point out the false nature of films due to the lack of scenes in which Mother Nature plays a role.

“Movies are fake. No one ever goes to the bathroom,” I said as a four year-old.

“Funny kid,” is how most dumbfounded adults responded.

Looking back on my thoughts as a tyke, I knew exactly where I was coming from – I just wanted to believe that movies were real. I so wanted the stories and the characters to exist somewhere. I wanted to believe that the Jets and the Sharks sang and danced and fought with knives in New York; that Batman and Robin fought the Joker in Gotham City; that Moses did part the Red Sea; that Frankenstein and the Wolf-man had met Abbot & Costello and that there actually was a Dorothy Gale who went to the Emerald City to see the wizard and returned safely to her farm in Kansas via ruby slippers.

I really wanted to believe.

But the noticeable exclusion of a very basic human function – pooping and peeing – meant that none of it was real. If a complex emotion such as depression could exist in a preschool child, I felt it over my dilemma with movies.

But all of that changed at the age of five, which is my first memory of seeing a movie in a theater. My dad took me to a retrospective screening of Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey. I sat quietly in a second run theater in Berkley, Michigan. The screen was enormous, I had to look up and turn my head to see the entire screen. As this very adult science fiction movie un-spooled before my eyes, it rocked my senses. The experience was overwhelming… it felt so real, almost too real. Like the apes looking in awe at the monolith... I was entranced.

And then, it happened.

Following the spectacular opening with the apes, we see Dr. Heywood R. Floyd on a shuttle trip to the moon. On this trip through outer space, the likes of which I’ve never seen, he also goes… to the bathroom. I stood up in my seat. I couldn’t believe what I just saw. I was floored. While Dr. Floyd isn’t shown actually “going,” he does read a long list of instructions guiding him through the process in outer space. This sequence resulted in perhaps the only laugh from the audience during 2001. I was frozen. I wasn’t disappointed that Kubrick chose to conceal the going part, the mere acknowledgement that a character in a film had to go, was like a release itself. 2001 was already spectacularly real in its presentation of scenes set in space, but this scene added to the realism of as a whole by grounding the characters in this display of a very human urge… the urge to take a pee. My sensibilities were further blown away by the ending, which was confusing to the adults in the audience, much less a five year-old kid. I didn’t know what it meant then, but my father’s helpful explanation taken from the book served only to scare the living crap out of me… that weird re-birthed astronaut Dave Bowman returns to destroy the earth. Not very comforting to a kid especially because this film felt more real than any other movie I had seen up to that point.


Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey from 1968 was the first movie I saw to feature a character using the toilet.

As a filmmaker, Kubrick insisted on realism which can always be found in the details. For the curious, here is the complete text from the unreadable type from the bathroom scene in 2001, just read the

If the “555” phone number is something that breaks the illusion of reality in a movie, then a trip to the bathroom is something that grounds a movie in reality. Since the release of 2001 in 1968, countless other films have gone to the restroom for inspiration. Michael Corleone goes to the toilet to obtain a well hidden gun in The Godfather. Austin Powers awoke from hibernation to take a very long pee. In Trainspotting, Ewan McGregor takes a trip deep inside a toilet. And there’s plenty of urination in Fight Club.


Tom Hanks has gone to the bathroom in more films than any other actor.

Tom Hanks seems to have an obsession with choosing films which require a bathroom appearance. Hanks has made more trips to the loo in more movies than any other actor. For reasons we may never understand, he either hits the head or makes mention of having to pee in movies such as Forest Gump, The Green Mile (in which painful urination is a plotline) and Castaway.

You might find it surprising that so many mainstream films contain scenes of this nature, but isn’t the bathroom the place where many claim to do their best thinking? I could recount more famous scenes, but oddly enough, I’m not the only one who keeps track. One web site has dedicated its mission to creating a database of movie moments involving the urge to go. The Movie Poop Scene Database currently has the most complete list of bathroom scenes anywhere on the web and it's conveniently alphabetized. Yet again the internet has proven to be a useful tool for things I never imagined needing.


Kubrick returned to prime form with 1999's Eyes Wide Shut in which Nicole Kidman pees in front of Tom Cruise.

For the most part, critics and film snobs recoil when a toilet hits the screen. They see it as being vulgar or in poor taste or even as “potty humor.” When I see someone like Nicole Kidman sit down to pee in Eyes Wide Shut, I’m reminded of the first time that Stanley Kubrick made me confront reality in 2001. I applaud filmmakers who humanize characters by showing them urinating or defecating. I prefer to celebrate the act of “going” at the movies because it is real.

Although, seeing one pee on screen often makes me want to go as well.

Gore going... going... gone.

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker and the creator of Film Threat. Chris rarely sees movies without a bathroom break. For this reason, he always takes an aisle seat.

On Wednesday, May 25th, 1977, in only a handful of movie theaters across the country, the original Star Wars was released. Most of you already know that the film reached the top of the box-office and was a cultural phenomenon. The impact that Star Wars had from both a technical and business standpoint cannot be underestimated. This film and the episodes that followed changed Hollywood and the movies forever.

Is there any doubt that a band featuring Chewbacca on drums would not rock it?

Star Wars quickly rewrote the rules of filmmaking and the film business when it came to things like—
Special effects. ILM (Industrial Light & Magic) invented new effects techniques and continues to innovate today.
Genre films. Hollywood never really took science fiction seriously; this was considered B-movie territory, until the box-office broke records.
The summer blockbuster. The summer movie season was officially invented and perfected the release of the original.
Movie merchandising. Films prior to 1977 rarely had spin-off merchandise. Lucas actually took a smaller fee as director to hold onto the merchandise rights and built his empire on those sales.
Sequels. Well, how to make a successful one anyway. The Empire Strikes Back proved that dramatically straying from audience expectations of more of the same can be a risk worth taking.
The modern video game. Aside from all the video game incarnations spawned from the films, there are countless games that borrowed ideas or were inspired by sequences from Star Wars.

This group of George Lucas' made a stir at the most recent Star Wars Celebration.

An army of fans.

Star Wars creator George Lucas remains one of the most important figures in film history for these innovations, not to mention so many others such as the first non-linear editing software.

The original not only changed the film industry, it touched a nerve in a generation in a way that we will never see again. And this group was inspired to make their own movies. There are plenty of filmmakers who point to Star Wars as their epiphany movie—the film that changed them and made them want to become filmmakers.

Now, if you’ve been reading or, like me, writing about Star Wars for as long as I have, (which, I’m embarrassed to say, is from the very beginning), then you already know all of this. Now that all six episodes from the Star Wars series are complete and all of our questions have been answered, what do fans have to look forward to? Well, if you happen to be in Los Angeles this weekend, you can join fellow fans in a communal geek-gasm. To mark the 30th anniversary of this event, fans are gathering this weekend at the for what will be the fourth Star Wars Celebration.

Star Wars truly knows no bounds.

Fans will be treated to rumored big announcements from the celebration with details about the following—
The HD-DVD release of Star Wars. There’s a new DVD boxed set coming out (when is there not?) of all six films and this time on HD-DVD. Details are sketchy, but an announcement is forthcoming.
StarWarsTube. The Star Wars web site is getting an overhaul and will become a place for fans to upload their fan films. In addition, users can take advantage of Lucas-approved movie clips, sounds and music to create mash-ups to share with friends… which then become owned entirely by Lucas. (I’m guessing that this content will eventually be used for a Star Wars Channel which can be viewed online or on demand.)
The IMAX 3-D version of Star Wars. Fans may be treated to footage from this as Lucas plans to re-release each movie a few years apart in this new format.
The Clone Wars CG Cartoon. There has been a computer animated cartoon about the Clone Wars for some time and early word is that the look is amazing. Where or when this series will debut is still not clear.
The highly-anticipated title of the fourth Indiana Jones movie. This announcement will take place tonight, though I’m not sure what this has to do with Star Wars. Frankly, I don’t care.
Plus… Slave Leia belly-dancing. Yes, you read that right. Women (presumably) dressed as Slave Leia… and they’re belly-dancing!
And, don’t forget, more and more Star Wars merchandise. You can count on learning about a slew of new Star Wars stuff of to buy. On that, I would quote from the Jedi code as spoken by Anakin from Episode II: Attack of the Clones “Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden.” Heed these words debt-ridden fans.

This action figure will not be for sale at the Star Wars Celebration. However, custom-painted topless Padme action figures can easily be found on eBay.

Of course, like all events of this type, there will be a dealers room and panels and screenings and bad greasy convention center food.

But, back to the question at hand, what are fans celebrating? The movies are done, even though Lucas famously announced that there would be nine films, yes folks, nine, from three trilogies back in a 1980 cover story from Time magazine. Lucas, always the revisionist when it comes to writing his own history, decided the six movies was enough to tell his story.

Fans showing off their Star Wars tattoos at a recent Celebration. After attending so many conventions, one thing is consistent, Star Wars fans are hotter than Star Trek fans.

William Shatner sang at an AFI Tribute to George Lucas which devolved into a Star Wars roast.

To my delight, and shame, I’ll admit that I’ve attended all three previous Star Wars Celebrations. The first took place in a rainy museum outside of Denver, Colorado and the last two were held at the convention center in Indianapolis, Indiana. I was there for all three and I have to admit, the best part was drinking with fellow geeks and, well, talking to girls… might I remind you, girls who loved Star Wars! Anyway, this may be the first one that I sit out. Because honestly, I don’t care much about any of the things that are going on, well, except perhaps for the belly-dancing, but that’s just not enough. I already have all of the films on HD archived on my Tivo, and learning the details of more and more things to buy and more ways to give Lucas money does not interest me.

I want to see more Star Wars movies.

Period.

I don’t care about anything else.

Nothing else interests me except for that. Show me another Star Wars movie on the horizon, and I’m back.

As far as I’m concerned, when the credits rolled during Revenge of the Sith, I was done. I felt a huge weight was lifted and a chapter from my own life, my obsession with this series of movies, was complete.

I once had the opportunity to talk to the producer of the original Star Wars and Empire Gary Kurtz who told me the plans for the third trilogy. In an interview I did on FilmThreat.com, the third trilogy would take Luke on a quest to find his long lost sister and the origins of the Jedi. There was none of this Luke-Leia/brother-sister thing going on. Here’s an excerpt from that interview:

One thing some may not understand is that the enjoyment of Star Wars is not from watching the movies in your living room, but from the communal experience of seeing it in the theater and, yes, waiting in line. Some of the most memorable and bizarre and geeky conversations I’ve had waiting in line for these movies. I’d like to see new films and learn the fate of an aged Luke Skywalker as he attempts to rebuild the galaxy.

Before George Lucas embarked on making the prequels, 20th Century Fox conducted a survey. This survey asked fans if they would like to see Star Wars sequels with the continuing adventures of Luke, Han and Leia. Or, would they prefer to see Star Wars prequels with the adventures of a young Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader. Overwhelmingly fans answered that they would prefer to see sequels not prequels.

Yes, this is the last shot from Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and the last we'll see of Star Wars at the movies. Unless, of course, it's in IMAX 3-D.

So George, you’ve done it. You made your prequels. And you made them on your terms, exactly the way you wanted to make them. Isn’t it time you gave back to the fans? The fans who have supported you and the films all these years? Fans don’t want another exclusive action figure or another boxed set on DVD… we want new movies.

Without new films on the horizon, Star Wars fandom is doomed to fade out like every final shot in all six films.

Gore gone... to a galaxy far, far away... for the last time.

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker and the creator of Film Threat. One of Chris' unfulfilled goals in life is to have an intimate encounter with a woman dressed in a Slave Leia outfit.

Christopher Nolan's follow up to 2005's Batman Begins is The Dark Knight which will be released summer 2008. The film features a recast Maggie Gyllenhaal as Rachel Dawes (originally played by Katie Holmes), Aaron Eckhart as District Attorney Harvey Dent and, the one we've all been waiting for, Heath Ledger as the Joker.

This website was apparently hacked by the Joker and reveals the first look at director Nolan's haunting vision for Batman's green-haired nemesis.

Behold...

Nolan has been quoted as saying that his vision for the Joker was to be like Alex from Clockwork Orange...which would make him something of a homicidal maniac.

There’s little argument that movies change with the passage of time.

It might surprise you to note that Continental Divide (1981), Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) and Pearl Harbor (2001) were all number one films their respective opening weekends. And they were quickly marketed as “the number one movie in America.” Throngs of moviegoers flock to see over-hyped films like these, yet when the wave of press subsides, you wonder what all the fuss was about.

Special effects in movies continue to improve. And while we laugh at those blue lines surrounding characters in films from the recent past like Flash Gordon (1980), Krull (1983) and Dune (1984), there’s little doubt that the effects that wow us today will look completely fake in the next ten years.

Even Oscar-winning movies lose their luster given time. Just watch Kevin Costner’s Academy Award Winning movie Dances with Wolves and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Costner’s three hours epic beat Martin Scorsese’s Goodfellas for Best Picture and Best Director that year. If both films were playing on cable at the same time, it would be an easy choice.

Conversely, the perception of a film that was a box-office dud can change dramatically as well. In fact, many films that were considered failures or were critically panned when they initially debuted go on to become hailed as a modern classic given time. Blade Runner is one that comes to mind and there are many others.

But what happens to a movie once the off-screen antics of an actor become a veritable media massacre? While the actor’s career may recover, will the movies that particular actor starred in ever be looked upon the same way again? Can a film burdened with an actor who has made racist remarks or even been accused of a crime like murder transcend the baggage of their personal transgressions?


The mug shot of Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle, taken shortly after his arrest.

There are plenty of cases of major film stars whose public buffoonery had an impact on their careers. One of the most famous was that of comic actor Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle. In 1921, the silent film star held a Labor Day weekend party where “starlet” (or call girl, depending on who you talk to) Virginia Rappe was injured, or she may have suffered from a botched abortion. Rappe was allegedly attacked by Arbuckle at the party and died four days later. Some say she was raped by Arbuckle who used a coke bottle in a way it was not intended. Arbuckle suffered through three trials before he was acquitted. His career was ruined, yet, a generation later, his black and white short comedies live on.

My parents weren’t even born then, so I was never exposed to this news story, but I remember enjoying his films as a kid, until I learned about Rappe’s death and the trials that followed. Coke bottles never seemed quite the same after reading about this scandal.

Now, I care very little about gossip or the personal lives of actors or celebrities. I can forgive mistakes like failed marriages, drug busts or driver misconduct. We all have people in our lives that make similar mistakes and/or bad choices or whatever you want to call it. I mean, actors are only human and the spotlight has a way of magnifying flaws. We all know those who have struggled and, for the most part, we give them a second chance. However, some offenses are not as easily forgiven. When that happens, I just can’t watch certain movies who star the actors who have been involved in such activity. Call me a prude, but I find it hard to watch a film in which an actor has crossed a line in a way I find reprehensible.


Michael Richards in the hilarious 1980s comedy UHF -- which may not be so funny anymore.

Michael “Kramer” Richards racist rant at a comedy club means that watching episodes of Seinfeld are not only not funny anymore, but they seem kind of sad. I will never see the 80s classic UHF with Weird Al the same again. I loved the early and funny films of Woody Allen growing up, but upon learning of his illicit affair with his underage adoptive daughter, being entertained by his films post-scandal felt dirty.

Next week, Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto will be released on DVD. I did not feel compelled to see it when it came to theaters, but I received an advanced copy of the DVD and have seen the film. Mel Gibson does not appear in the movie, of course. The story centers on a primitive tribe in a bloody turf war, but he is present in every way. The title for one, bears his name, and there is the commentary and the behind-the-scenes found on pretty much every decent DVD release. Gibson’s anti-Semitic rants to police officers when he was pulled over for a DUI make many of his films hard to stomach. In spite of all this, Apocalypto is a powerful piece of cinema.


Mel Gibson directing Apocalypto.

However, I’ll never look at Mad Max the same way again. I’ll never look at The Road Warrior the same again. I’ll never look at Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome the same again. I’ll never look at The Bounty the same again. I’ll never look at Lethal Weapon 1, 2, 3 and 4 the same again. I’ll never look at The Man Without a Face the same again. I’ll never look at Disney’s Pocahontas the same again. I’ll never look at Ransom the same again. I’ll never look at Braveheart the same again. I’ll never look at Payback the same again. I’ll never look at Signs the same again. I’ll never look at What Women Want the same again. What Women Want? Then again, What Women Want had a whole set of problems unrelated to Gibson’s racist remarks. The point is that I can’t separate the work from the artist when the offending behavior reaches the point of being unforgivable. I sometimes wonder if others feel the same way. Or am I the only one who avoids troubled artists like Gibson?

The truth is that Mel really disappointed me and I'm not sure I can ever forgive him or watch his movies the same way again.

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker and the creator of Film Threat.

You have no free will.
You will copy the behavior of your heroes.
You will do as they do.
You will want to dress like them and be like them.
And to be cool, you will smoke like them.

Or at least, that’s what the Motion Picture Association of America likes to think. The MPAA announced this week that depictions of smoking in movies would be a determining factor in film ratings. Organization representatives did not come right out and say that movies in which characters lit up would immediately warrant an “R” rating – consideration would be given to how pervasive it is or if smoking is glamorized.


The brilliant 2005 satire Thank You for Smoking explored the mad world of the tobacco lobby.

In a statement issued by the MPAA, the organization’s head-honcho Dan Glickman said, “The rating board will now consider smoking as a factor, among many other factors, including violence, sexual situations and language, in the rating of films. Clearly, smoking is increasingly an unacceptable behavior in our society. There is broad awareness of smoking as a unique public health concern due to nicotine’s highly addictive nature, and no parent wants their child to take up the habit. The appropriate response of the rating system is to give more information to parents on this issue.”

The MPAA pointed out that smoking in movies is on the decline anyway. Even brief glimpses of smoking in rated movies dropped from 60% to 52% compared to last summer, and 75% of those films were rated “R” for other reasons. That means that three out of four movies with smoking received an “R” rating based on other factors. (For all the details in the full release from the MPAA, click here.)

So, in addition to language, violence and nudity, perverse acts such as smoking will determine a film’s rating in the United States. Every country has their own rating movie system very similar to the one established by the MPAA in the U.S. where the ratings include G, PG, PG-13, R and NC-17. In the United Kingdom, their ratings follow a similar pattern. The BBFC (British Board of Film Classification) rates films as U (Universal - suitable for all), PG (Parental Guidance), 12A (12 Accompanied/Advisory), 12 (Suitable for 12 years and over), 15 (Suitable only for 15 years and over) 18 (Only for adults, no one younger than 18) and R18 (Restricted 18 - contains sexually explicit, pornographic content).

However, in spite of the similarities in the ratings systems, the criteria from country to country, is vastly different. The MPAA already has a kind weird way of looking at the world of movies. Violence, or “action,” is viewed as relatively benign, whereas sex or nudity, is given careful scrutiny almost guaranteeing an “R” rating or the dreaded “NC-17.” In other countries, the reverse is true, violence is more carefully considered and nudity is not an issue. For example, films like The Empire Strikes Back are given a harsher rating based on violence in countries such as the U.K.

And now smoking will factor into the already confusing equation by which the MPAA rates movies.


John Waters infamous "No Smoking" trailer would get an "R" rating.

Personally, I think smoking in movies is just plain cool. I remember being particularly fascinated when characters in Ridley Scott’s Alien rolled tobacco and took a puff on a space ship. I’d never seen that before. It not only made these space jockeys more human as they inhaled doing their mundane jobs, they also seemed cool. I guess in space, no one can hear you scream, but you can light up and take a drag. I saw Alien at a very young and impressionable age, yet never had a desire to take up smoking to mimic my movie heroes.

I also have to admit being captivated by smoking rituals – pounding the pack, sticking the cig into one’s mouth, stashing it behind one’s ear or stuffing a pack into a t-shirt sleeve for easy access – everything about the process of smoking is cool. Unfortunately, it’s the smoke that bothers me. I’m very sensitive to it. No one in my family smokes. And I’ve never smoked. Well, that’s not entirely true. I did try smoking once to impress a girlfriend in college. But after two weeks, I just couldn’t take it – and I smoked menthols!

When I travel outside of California, say to Michigan, where everyone seems to smoke, there’s the smoking and non-smoking sections in restaurants separated by, well, practically nothing. I can’t eat at those places, I get sick to my stomach. And when I return from the bar smelling of smoke, I take my clothes off, leave them outside and shower before going to bed. However, in spite of all of this, I don’t mind smoking in movies and I respect the rights of smokers as long as they respect mine. When I inhale second-hand smoke at a bar, it’s because I chose to go to there. My exposure to smoking is my choice, just as going to a film in which smoking is depicted is my choice.

The MPAA is clearly interested in influencing behavior, but they seem to ignore the fact that all moviegoers are empowered with their own free will. And, yes, that includes children. Recently, I’ve seen movies in which characters engaged in irresponsible sex, murder, and even smoking. I had no desire to engage in any of those activities. Well, maybe one, but the others, definitely not.

Where does personal responsibility begin and parenting by an organization like the MPAA end? Should filmmakers continue to water down their movies for mass consumption in order to leap through each obstacle to get their movies seen by a large audience? While this doesn’t seem to be a problem for the major studios, independent filmmakers are put under a microscope with a stricter set of guidelines, as exposed in Kirby Dick’s excellent documentary, This Film Is Not Yet Rated . Will a few puffs of smoke in an indie film instantly rate that movie an “R”?


Scarlett Johansson takes a drag in The Black Dahlia.

And how this might affect classic films, especially those from the 1940s in which actors like Humphrey Bogart almost always smoked, remains to be seen. Based on the public’s changing tastes, as interpreted and defined by the MPAA, should the organization take a fresh look at the classics? Will those movies have to be re-rated? It would seem to be an impossible task to look at thousands of films from the past to seek out behavior that has now been determined to be unsuitable for those under the age of 17.

Clearly, there are more questions than answers sparked by the MPAA’s announcement. One thing is certain, movie rating systems all over the world are just plain bizarre, in fact, many of them make for incredibly entertaining reading. If you don’t believe me, just check out Bulgaria.

Gore (*cough* *cough*) gone.

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker and the creator of Film Threat. After being exposed to 1,000s of movies depicting smoking, he still chooses not to light up.

The summer movie season is like a four month-long holiday for film freaks like myself. This is the time when Hollywood is banking on to make the bulk of their boxoffice for the year. The stakes are as high for the studios, as it is for an individual taking a trip to the theater.

In the interests of providing guidance through the maze of the multiplex, I've provided this handy guide to the films opening this weekend through August. (NOTE: Release dates are subject to change as well as opinons, so you have been warned.)


Opening May 4
Spider-Man 3
The studio says… The crime-fighting wall-crawler dons a powerful new suit and battles two of the most feared villains yet, Sandman and Venom.
Here’s the deal… Yes, the Spider-Man film series is beginning to feel a little like the James Bond movies -- it's the same every time. But this one raises the stakes with the best action of the three and the best special effects in any super-hero film ever. And Emo-Peter Parker is hysterical.
Verdict... Do not miss this -- see it in the theater!

Lucky You
The studio says… Eric Bana stars as a high-stakes card player who sets out to win the World Series of Poker--and the affections of Drew Barrymore.
Here’s the deal… This movie is being sacrificed by the studio going head-to-head with Spidey. Maybe they forgot to release this in February where other films of this type reside.
Verdict... Pass. Not seeing this movie will still guarantee that your life is complete.

Away From Her
The studio says… A married couple's idyllic retirement is permanently disrupted when they must cope with the onset of Alzheimer's disease.
Here’s the deal… This family drama from Canadian actress/director Sarah Polley debuted at this past Sundance. It's a heartfelt drama and worthwhile. Just try to hold back the tears.
Verdict... See it when it hits cable.

Civic Duty
The studio says… An accountant obsessed with terrorist plots and cable news gets a jolt when a Muslim graduate student moves in next door. (In limited release.)
Here’s the deal… It still might be too soon for this. Audiences have rejected even the big studio 9/11-terrorist films as being too depressing to even think about.
Verdict... Tivo it when it hits cable.

The Flying Scotsman
The studio says… The true story of celebrated Scottish cyclist Graeme Obree, who broke the world one-hour record on a bike of his own design. (In limited release.)
Here’s the deal… Um. Never heard of this. Is it too late to see Spider-Man 3 again?
Verdict... DVD. Or not.

Opening May 11

28 Weeks Later
The studio says… Six months after the rage virus wiped out London, the city rebuilds and re-populates...but the virus is still alive, and deadlier than ever.
Here’s the deal… No Cillian Murphy or Naomie Harris reprising their roles and Danny Boyle did not direct the second installment of the re-invented zombie movie 28 Days Later. At the helm is Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, who has not directed a film since 2001 with a feature did called Intact. Question: Was the first film a big enough hit to warrant a sequel? The original made 43 million at the boxoffice, so is there enough demand for a sequel? This does not matter -- the story is epic and the zombie action disgusting like I know you like it.
Verdict... Don't miss this one in the theater.

The Ex
The studio says… An underachiever (Zach Braff) must take a job when his pregnant wife (Amanda Peet) quits her high-pressure, big salary career.
Here’s the deal… Um, is Zach Braff really a romantic comedy star? Really? Cute, it's not offensive, you're not liable to love it or hate it which means... not really sure if I care enough to feel strongly one way or another.
Verdict... Must-see on cable.

Delta Farce
The studio says… Three hapless guys are mistaken for Army Reservists, loaded onto a plane to Iraq, and accidentally ejected somewhere over Mexico.
Here’s the deal… Time + Tragedy = Comedy! Or one would hope. If you're ready to laugh at a comedy dealing with the Iraq war, then I am too.
Verdict... See it at the drive-in. That is, if you can find one.

Blind Dating
The studio says… A young blind man signs up for a dangerous experimental procedure to restore his vision... and falls in love with this nurse.
Here’s the deal… Love the pitch... the film... not so much.
Verdict... Skip it.

Georgia Rule
The studio says… Lindsay Lohan, Felicity Huffman and Jane Fonda star as three generations of women who learn about the true ties that bind.
Here’s the deal… Lindsay Lohan. Felicity Huffman. Jane Fonda. I'm so not there.
Verdict... Look for the special edition DVD before the summer ends... in landfills soon.

Home of the Brave
The studio says… Three soldiers who return home after a lengthy tour in Iraq find that re-entering "normal" life after war is not an easy task. (In limited release.)
Here’s the deal… Jessica Biel is amazing as a vet who has lost her hand. Terrific. But is this what we want in a summer movie?
Verdict... See it on cable.

The Hip Hop Project
The studio says… Documents a group of New York City teenagers who transform their life stories into powerful works of art, using hip hop. (In limited release.)
Here’s the deal… Just like vegetables are part of a balanced diet, so it goes for documentaries, an essential part of a moviegoers' good breakfast. And this music doc will please both fans and non-fans of hip hop.
Verdict... See it in the theater.

Opening May 18
Shrek the Third
The studio says… When Shrek married Fiona, the last thing he wanted was to rule Far Far Away, but when his frogger-in-law, King Harold, suddenly croaks, Shrek is quickly fitted for the crown.
Here’s the deal… Third time's the charm... or not?
Verdict... Catch a bargain matinee with an enthusiastic group of kids.

Even Money
The studio says… Three intertwining stories of people whose lives are shattered by gambling and addiction.
Here’s the deal… Danny DeVito and Kim Basinger star in a film that almost no one knows anything about including me. There's a movie coming out this summer called Even Money?
Verdict... Jury's out.

The Wendell Baker Story
The studio says… A good-hearted ex-con goes straight and gets a job in a retirement hotel, where a trio of retired residents help him win back his girl and battle the hotel corruption led by the head nurse.
Here’s the deal… This indie with Owen Wilson and Eva Mendes along with Will Ferrell (that Will Ferrell's so hot right now) could break out as a sleeper hit.
Verdict... Catch it at the theater or on cable or on DVD.

Opening May 25

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
The studio says… Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) are allied with Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) in a desperate quest to free Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from his mind-bending trap in Davy Jones' locker, while the terrifying ghost ship, The Flying Dutchman and Davy Jones, under the control of the East India Trading Company, wreaks havoc across the Seven Seas.
Here’s the deal… At nearly three hours long, the conclusion of the Pirates trilogy will pack them in and provide a fun time for all. Johnny Depp has created a classic character in Jack Sparrow and the effects alone make this worth seeing.
Verdict... See it in the theater, but get an aisle seat for trips to the bathroom. This movie is looooooooooong.

Bug
The studio says… A lonely waitress with a tragic past, Agnes rooms in a run-down motel, living in fear of her abusive, recently paroled ex-husband. But when Agnes begins a tentative romance with Peter, an eccentric, nervous drifter, she starts to feel hopeful again--until the first bugs arrive.
Here’s the deal… Ashley Judd heads up the cast... so you already know how this one ends.
Verdict... Cable.

Opening June 1
Knocked Up
The studio says… Allison Scott is an up-and-coming entertainment journalist whose 24-year-old life is on the fast track. But it gets seriously derailed when a drunken one-nighter with slacker Ben Stone results in an unwanted pregnancy. Faced with the prospect of going it alone or getting to know the baby's father, Allison decides to give the lovable doof a chance.
Here’s the deal… The funniest film of the year from Judd Apatow and the team that brought us the 40 Year-Old Virgin. They've done it again by mixing crude humor with real people for a perfect blend of comedy and drama.
Verdict... See it in a crowded theater. Twice. The laughs will drown out a lot of the jokes.

Mr. Brooks
The studio says… Consider Mr. Brooks: a successful businessman; a generous philanthropist; a loving father and devoted husband. Seemingly, he's perfect. But Mr. Brooks has a secret--he is an insatiable serial killer, so lethally clever that no one has ever suspected him--until now.
Here’s the deal… Kevin Costner and Demi Moore. Together. In a movie. Hmmm...
Verdict... Skip it.

Crazy Love
The studio says… Linda Riss ends a year long affair with a married Burt Pugach, who seeks revenge by hiring a man to throw acid in Linda's face and blind her. Burt gets sent to jail for 14 years, divorces his wife and marries Linda.
Here’s the deal… This Sundance doc was a hit at the festival and the story will shock you. A fantastic documentary that is as gruesome as it is romantic.
Verdict... See this doc in the theater.

Day Watch
The studio says… A horror tale set in contemporary Moscow that revolves around the conflict and balance maintained between the forces of light and darkness--the result of a medieval truce between the opposing sides. This ancient war between the forces of Light and Darkness is reaching a tragic outcome.
Here’s the deal… This one is flying under the radar, but the trailer alone makes this look like either the coolest effects movie ever or a great video game.
Verdict... See it in the theater or on DVD if you really prefer.

Gracie
The studio says… Set in 1978, a teenage girl overcomes the loss of her brother and fights the odds to achieve her dream of playing competitive soccer at a time when girls' soccer did not exist.
Here’s the deal… The PG-13 for brief sexual content sounds interesting, but the subject is... well. You decide.
Verdict... DVD.

Opening June 8
Ocean's Thirteen
The studio says… Reuben Tishkoff stumbles into uncharted territory when he makes the mistake of planning to build a hotel with one of Las Vegas' most hated businessman, Willy Banks. Soon thereafter, he gets cut out of the deal and ends up in the hospital with a serious hearth condition. Danny Ocean tries to help his old friend out by giving the dastardly Banks a chance to restore Reuben's share of the hotel.
Here’s the deal… The third film in the Ocean trilogy raises the stakes, of course.
Verdict... Already in my Netflix queue.

Hostel: Part II
The studio says… Three young Americans studying in Rome set off for a weekend trip when they run into a beautiful model from one of their art classes. Also on her way to an exotic destination, the gorgeous European invites the coeds to come along, assuring them they will be able to relax and rejuvenate. Will the girls find the oasis they are looking for?
Here’s the deal… The second film in the sure-to-be Hostel trilogy takes a group of women to Europe where they... you guessed it... are kidnapped and tortured. Scenes shown at recent horror conventions had audience members creeped out and disgusted, meaning they really loved it.
Verdict... See it at the drive-in. That is, if you can find one.

Opening June 15

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
The studio says… The enigmatic, intergalactic herald, the Silver Surfer, comes to Earth to prepare it for destruction. As he races around the globe wreaking havoc, Reed, Sue, Johnny and Ben must unravel the mystery of the Silver Surfer and confront the surprising return of their mortal enemy, Dr. Doom, before all hope is lost.
Here’s the deal… Fanboys are screaming about the change to Galactus' character -- no longer a purple giant, he's just a killer cloud. The original was a disappointment and the second FF movie already looks like... a disappointment. At least they're consistent.
Verdict... DVD.

Nancy Drew
The studio says… Nancy Drew travels to Los Angeles with her father and stumbles upon evidence involving the long-unsolved death of a glamorous movie star. Nancy's practical nature and resourcefulness are put to the test when dealing with the self-indulgent world of Hollywood.
Here’s the deal… This is for kids. I really don't care.
Verdict... Read the novelization or get the book on tape version.

Fido
The studio says… Welcome to Willard, a small town lost in the idyllic world of the 50s, where the sun shines every day, everybody knows their neighbor, and rotting zombies deliver the mail. Years ago, the earth passed through a cloud of space dust, causing the dead to rise with a craving for human flesh. A war began, pitting the living against the dead. In the ensuing revolution, a corporation was born: ZomCon.
Here’s the deal… This Sundance film delivers an original take on zombies who are now integrated into society as helpful pets. Weird and creepy in all the right ways.
Verdict... See it in the theater.

Opening June 22

Evan Almighty
The studio says… Newly elected to Congress, the polished, preening newscaster, Evan Baxter, is the next one anointed by God to accomplish a holy mission--walking in the footsteps of Bruce Almighty.
Here’s the deal… Steve Carrell can do no wrong. He's funny doing nothing, and with a plot, he kills.
Verdict... See it in the theater.

Broken English
The studio says… A successful New Yorker with little success at romance meets a Frenchman who sweeps her off her feet and off to Paris, inspiring her to travel as a courier with her best friend.
Here’s the deal… Parker Posey is back and she's always worth seeing.
Verdict... DVD.

A Mighty Heart
The studio says… A memoir of the life of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl, who was kidnapped and murdered in Pakistan in 2002.
Here’s the deal… One question: Does Angelina Jolie get naked?
Verdict... I need an answer to my question above before I decide.

Opening June 27
Live Free or Die Hard
The studio says… On the July 4th holiday, an attack on the vulnerable United States infrastructure begins to shut down the entire nation. The mysterious figure behind the scheme has figured out every modern angle -- but he never figured on an old-school "analog" fly in the "digital" ointment: John McClane.
Here’s the deal… Advance word is not good. Does the phrase, "I'm getting too old for this shit," mean anything to you?
Verdict... DVD.

You Kill Me
The studio says… A hitman from Buffalo is sent to the West Coast to dry out. He attends AA meetings, gets a sponsor and lands a job in a mortuary, where he meets a woman who is a relative of one his hits.
Here’s the deal… Ben Kingsley, Téa Leoni and Luke Wilson have the makings of a great cast for a solid indie.
Verdict... See it in the theater.

Opening June 29
Ratatouille
The studio says… A rat named Remy dreams of becoming a great French chef despite his family's wishes and the obvious problem of being a rat in a decidedly rodent-phobic profession. When fate places Remy in the sewers of Paris, he finds himself ideally situated beneath a restaurant made famous by his culinary hero, Auguste Gusteau.
Here’s the deal… Another CG cartoon but this one is from Brad Bird who did The Incredibles.
Verdict... See it in the theater.

Evening
The studio says… A drama exploring the emotional and romantic past of Ann Grant, a 65-year-old woman with terminal cancer. Ann's children gather around to make sense of their complicated mother while she drifts back through morphine-induced memories to a brief romantic interlude in the late 1950s, perhaps the only defining moment of complete surrender and happiness in her life.
Here’s the deal… Um. Don't care. Which is sad, I know.
Verdict... See it on the Lifetime Channel.

Sicko
The studio says… Acclaimed filmmaker Michael Moore sets out to investigate the American healthcare system. Sticking to his tried-and-true one-man approach, Moore sheds light on the complicated medical affairs of individuals and local communities.
Here’s the deal… That depends -- how much do you trust Moore after so many controversies?
Verdict... See it in the theater, if only so you can bitch about it online.

Opening July 4

Transformers
The studio says… The Earth is caught in the middle of an intergalactic war between two races of robots, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons, which are able to change into a variety of objects, including cars, trucks, planes and other technological creations.
Here’s the deal… Are you kidding? Is there a limit to the number of geekgasms that will spew forth from the audience. The trailers prove they nailed it and took a so-so kids show and turned it into a realistic action movie.
Verdict... Opening night!

License to Wed
The studio says… A young couple's wedding plans are interrupted when the pushy minister of the bride's family church orders the pair to complete a two-week prenup course. They must pass the class if they want to marry in his church. The groom fails the course and loses the girl but fights to win her back.
Here’s the deal… Robin Williams. So, the choice is obvious.
Verdict... Avoid at all costs.

Rescue Dawn
The studio says… Based on the true story of German-born Dieter Dengler, who dreamed of being a test pilot and thus made his way to America, where he joined the military in pursuit of his obsession to fly. On his first mission in Vietnam, he is shot down and captured by Vietcong guerrillas.
Here’s the deal… Christian Bale is always worth seeing, but mostly when he's Batman.
Verdict... DVD.

Opening July 13
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
The studio says… As his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry approaches, 15-year-old Harry Potter is in full-blown adolescence, complete with regular outbursts of rage, a nearly debilitating crush, and the blooming of a powerful sense of rebellion.
Here’s the deal… Does anything I say even matter? I'll go see it.
Verdict... Opening weekend in a theater.

1408
The studio says… Adapted from the short story by Stephen King, a renowned horror novelist Mike Enslin (John Cusack) believes only in what he can see with his own two eyes. But after a string of bestsellers discrediting paranormal events in the most infamous haunted houses and graveyards around the world, he has no real proof of life - or afterlife.
Here’s the deal… This is only worth seeing because of John Cusack. The better Cusack movie is Grace is Gone for which
he will be nominated for an Oscar.
Verdict... Cable.

Talk to Me
The studio says… The telling of the real-life story of Ralph Waldo "Petey" Greene, an outspoken ex-con who talked his way into becoming an iconic radio personality in the 1960s, in Washington, D.C. Sparked by both the era's vibrant soul music and exploding social consciousness, Petey openly courted controversy at a white-owned station.
Here’s the deal… I'd rather see the documentary about the subject.
Verdict... Skip it.

Opening July 20

Hairspray
The studio says… Set in Baltimore during the 1960s dance TV craze, a zaftig high school hairhopper, Tracy Turnblad, graduates from outsider to celebrity trendsetter and along the way she stars on "The Corny Collins Show," wins the heart of resident hunk Link Larkin and kicks down the barriers for black and white integration on local television.
Here’s the deal… John Travolta in drag is reason enough to see this.
Verdict... Catch a midnight show after some drinks.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
The studio says… Chuck Levine and Larry Valentine are the pride of their fire station: two guy's guys always side-by-side and willing to do anything for each other. Grateful Chuck owes Larry for saving his life in a fire, and Larry calls in that favor big time when civic red tape prevents him from naming his own two kids as his life insurance beneficiaries.
Here’s the deal… Adam Sandler in a comedy means that you will laugh at a fart joke eventually.
Verdict... Cable.

Goya's Ghosts
The studio says… The life and times of Spanish painter Francisco Goya, who lived from 1746-1828 and was a frequent target of the Spanish Inquisition.
Here’s the deal… Costume dramas like this one are out of place in the summer, though Natalie Portman provides plenty of eye candy.
Verdict... Cable.

Opening July 27
The Simpsons Movie
The studio says… After 18 years on the air, Springfield's favorite family finally makes it to the big screen. Homer (Dan Castellaneta), Marge (Julie Kavner), Bart (Nancy Cartwright), Lisa (Yeardley Smith) and Maggie Simpson will be there, along with regulars like Moe the bartender (Hank Azaria) and Mr. Burns (Harry Shearer).
Here’s the deal… "Worst summer movie ever" are words that will not be used to describe this film. Prepare to see Bart doing a full-frontal nude scene as the Simpsons' team pushes the limit.
Verdict... See it in the theater on opening night.

I Know Who Killed Me
The studio says… An idyllic small town is rocked when Aubrey Fleming, a bright and promising young woman, is abducted and tortured by a sadistic serial killer. When she manages to escape, the traumatized girl who regains consciousness in the hospital insists that she is not who they think she is and that the real Aubrey Fleming is still in mortal danger.
Here’s the deal… It's The Sixth Sense for kids!
Verdict... See it on DVD.

No Reservations
The studio says… A top notch female chef's life is turned upside-down when she must care of her niece after her sister is killed. She now has to adapt to a different lifestyle and uses food as a means to express her roller-coaster life.
Here’s the deal… Catherine Zeta-Jones and Aaron Eckhart in a romantic comedy are the ingredients of something I never care to see.
Verdict... Skip it.

Opening August 1
El Cantante
The studio says… Biopic of Hector Lavoe, one of the biggest Spanish-language singers in the 1970s, but personal tragedy and a heroin addiction left him penniless and dying from complications from AIDS.
Here’s the deal… Sad, depressing, so... indie.
Verdict... Netflix it.

Opening August 3
The Bourne Ultimatum
The studio says… All he wanted was to disappear. Instead, Jason Bourne is now hunted by the people who made him what he is. Having lost his memory and the one person he loved, he is undeterred by the barrage of bullets and a new generation of highly-trained killers. Bourne has only one objective: to go back to the beginning and find out who he was.
Here’s the deal… Smart action is the best kind and this one looks to be the best of the three.
Verdict... See it in the theater.

Becoming Jane
The studio says… Before becoming a famous novelist, a young Jane Austen becomes embroiled in a passionate love affair with an Irish lawyer, Tom Lefroy, that inspires her career.
Here’s the deal… If you really, really love Jane Austen, then be my guest.
Verdict... Um, I'll never see it.

Charlie Bartlett
The studio says… An eccentric teenager gains popularity by becoming the student supplier of prescription drugs. He averts a potential collision with the school superintendent by helping the educator patch up his relationship with his daughter.
Here’s the deal… A drug film? How do I get some?
Verdict... DVD.

Hot Rod
The studio says… Amateur stuntman Rod Kimble has a problem--his step-father Frank is a jerk. Frank picks on Rod, tosses him around like a rag doll in their weekly sparring sessions, and definitely doesn't respect him, much less his stunts. But when Frank falls ill, it's up to Rod to stage the jump of his life in order to save his step-father.
Here’s the deal… We'll all find out if Andy Samberg can sustain his comedy beyond an SNL short.
Verdict... See it in the theater.

Resurrecting the Champ
The studio says… A homeless man claims to be the former boxing great Bob Satterfield, but turns out to be a lesser known fighter of the same era.
Here’s the deal… The sports movie will never die and this boxing film will end with a winner or a loser... which may or may not be the audience. But with a cast like Samuel L. Jackson, Josh Hartnett, Teri Hatcher and Alan Alda (Alan Alda?) this one could really lose big.
Verdict... Skip it.

The Ten
The studio says… Ten blasphemous comedic stories inspired by the Biblical Commandments. Each tale unfolds in a different style, but with characters and themes that overlap, as told by a narrator who, in turn, has his own moral problems.
Here’s the deal… Paul Rudd joins Amanda Peet, Jessica Alba, Ken Marino and Justin Theroux in a creative gamble that just might pay off.
Verdict... See it on DVD or in the theater. It's up to you.

Opening August 10
Rush Hour 3
The studio says… LAPD detective James Carter and Chinese Chief Inspector Lee travel to Paris to battle a wing of the Chinese organized crime family, the Triads.
Here’s the deal… Was anyone clamoring for this movie? Not me.
Verdict... Skip it.

Stardust
The studio says… A young man named Tristan (Charlie Cox) tries to win the heart of Victoria (Sienna Miller), the beautiful but cold object of his desire, by going on a quest to retrieve a fallen star. His journey takes him to a mysterious and forbidden land beyond the walls of his village.
Here’s the deal… Neil Gaiman's new fantasy film looks like a mixed bag from the trailer. And DeNiro in a fantasy never seems to work.
Verdict... Not sure.

Opening August 17

Superbad
The studio says… Two co-dependent high school guys want to hook up with girls before they graduate and go off to different colleges, but, after a calamitous night just trying to buy alcohol for a school party, overcoming their separation anxiety becomes a greater challenge than getting the girls.
Here’s the deal… A badass high school comedy that is pee-your-pants funny. Sorry about the smell.
Verdict... See it in the theater.

Wedding Daze
The studio says… American Pie's Jason Biggs stars as a man recovering form the death of his girlfriend in this wild comedy feature. Biggs's character asks a beautiful woman to marry him in an act of spontaneity and, much to his surprise, she agrees.
Here’s the deal… The American Pie films ran out of steam awhile ago and this one looks like it has even less steam.
Verdict... Look for the direct to DVD sequel which is probably already in the works.

The Invasion
The studio says… When a mysterious alien infection spreads like an epidemic over the entire country, a woman fights to save her own life and the life of her son, who may hold the key to stopping the takeover.
Here’s the deal… Reshoots have kept this Nicole Kidman film on the shelf for awhile, which is never a good sign.
Verdict... DVD.

Opening August 24
The Comebacks
The studio says… A comedy that spoofs the story of an out-of-luck coach, Lambeau Fields, who takes a rag-tag bunch of college misfits and drives them towards the football championships. In the process, of course, this life-long loser discovers that he is a winner after all--redeeming himself, saving his relationship with his family and friends, and finds that there is indeed, no "I" in "team"!
Here’s the deal… Sports-comedies are hot, so your liking it is irrelevant, the victory of this film is pre-ordained.
Verdict... Cable.

Good Luck Chuck
The studio says… A man breaks up with his long-time girlfriend only to see her get engaged to the next guy she dates. The same pattern occurs with his next girlfriend, and continues to repeat. All of a sudden he finds himself becoming a lucky charm for women, who all want to date him.
Here’s the deal… Jessica Alba + Dane Cook = Comedy Genius/Hotness X Possible Bomb.
Verdict... Pay per view special at $1.99.

The Hottest State
The studio says… William is a good-looking young actor. He may be vain and cocky, but his doubt manifests itself in endearing self-criticism. Sarah is a beautiful singer-songwriter. Coincidence and a divinely wintry day bring them together and they begin a fevered, fitful romance.
Here’s the deal… This may be the only place you'll hear anything about this small indie worth a look.
Verdict... Cable.

Opening August 31

Halloween
The studio says… A new take on the legend and a new chapter in the Michael Myers "Halloween" saga.
Here’s the deal… Rob Zombie takes over the duties behind the camera and the franchise could not be in more capable hands. this re-invention is sure to please old fans and create new ones with a high body count and a fresh take.
Verdict... See it at the drive-in, the best place to see a horror film.

Now it's your tur - what films are you looking forward to most this summer? Which do you plan to see in the theater or wait for on DVD? And what about the summer of 2008, which will bring us Batman: The Dark Knight with Heath Ledger as the Joker, Ed Norton as the ever-lovin' Hulk, the Wachowski Brothers returning to direct Speed Racer, Robert Downey, Jr. as Iron Man and Indiana Jones part IV? These questions and more will be addressed in your comments.

Gore gone!

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker and the creator of Film Threat. During sunny summer days, he can be found in a dark theater avoiding a tan.