Mad Men is one of the best shows on TV that most people still don't watch. Despite a huge ad campaign (one worthy of the fictitious Sterling Copper agency, only their version would've been hatched while eighty-percent inebriated, which I doubt was the case in real-life), and a recent Emmy win, Mad Men seems unable to grab much of an audience outside of critics and the small group of non-idiots who managed to somehow hear about it and give it a shot.

Yeah, I'm assuming the majority who tuned in and then out were idiots. I realize the Emmy's were only last week and the show might do well this Sunday as a result of their win, but... The critical acclaim and awards seem to ensure that the show will be around awhile either way, but, it'd be nice to see it become a huge hit.

What's so great 'bout it, you ask? I'll tell you. I whittled this list down from the original 129 most awesome things about Mad Men. (Is 129 a good joke large number to indicate something is fantastic? I toyed with using 284. Shit, that would've been good. Ahh well, too late now. Why on Earth did I insist on carving these articles onto stone tablets and then shipping them to SG headquarters?? It seems so short-sighted now.)

The 9 Best Things About Mad Men

1) The women actually look the way women should look. Curvy and real and not like buffalo hide drawn tightly over the the face of a small porcelain dollhead that's then used to top a pencil. Take the character Joan for instance. (Played by the actress who also portrayed Mal Reynolds' wife in Firefly, which I think probably makes her my favorite actress according to a convoluted Venn diagram that I'm guessing would look like her rack.) Okay, sure her curves are actually just padding but it still counts. And sure, the women on the show are objectified within an inch of their lives, and that gets awkward but, the fact that they look like actual women is great.

2) The drinking! They somehow manage to take one of the best things ever and then make it look better and cooler than you remember it being. I actually ran to my bar after the credits rolled to see if I'd have as much fun as they did. I thought I was an alcoholic before I started watching this show. Wow. It does for drinking what Big Night did for eating.

3) John Slattery

4) The moment when head of accounts Duck Phillips sends his beloved family dog out into the wilds of New York so that he can presumably drink himself to death in peace. I don't know how I feel about this scene, not pleasant obviously, repulsive yes, but holy shit, it's crazy damn original. I can't imagine any other show giving us a moment like that

4) The scene where Don Draper's daughter mixes him a drink. Cute, and kind of weird. But think of the convenience! I'm pro-child labor as long as the kids are only making drinks. That's not so hard, right? You get tired, take a sip! It's win, win.

5) Pete Campbell, the once uppity, now castrated accounts guy. Any other show would've continued to build him as a nemesis for Don using over the top scheming and bad guy antics to turn him into a cartoon. On this show he's humbled and has his robot-like insides ripped out for all to see. Every week we get to watch him flail about and alienate people with no clue as to why things are happening and why humans behave the way they do. He could teach robot lessons to Cylons.

6) Salavatore Romano. I don't understand why he's so unhappy. He's got a great career, totally hot wife, and that one dude from Belle Jolie totally wanted to be his best friend! Why so sad?! Last season all he did was make loud showy comments about what he'd do to such-and-such woman in front of his male co-workers, what happened to that passion? I bet he winds up dumping his wife just so he can play the field. You can take the man out of the lady, but you can't take the ladies(-man) out of the man... or something.

7) The show was created by Mathew Wiener, one man who had an idea and a vision for a show. Not a team of Pete Campbell-esque "writers" all chiming in with notes and ideas for a premise that was churned out by Simon Cowell.

8) The title sequence and theme song. I don't really know enough about such things to even break down why they're so great. if I tried, I imagine I'd use a word like "spare." Maybe, "pristine" if I was feeling bold. Oh, also "bold."

9) Don Draper. I'm not sure a cooler character has ever existed. I hate these kind of comedic clichés, but if I didn't, I'd say Don was the result of Cary Grant, Fonzie's leather jacket and an iPhone getting into that machine that turned Jeff Goldblum into The Fly. That's how cool he is.




TheCoolerKIng's column appears each Sunday at SuicideGirls.com. Click HERE. He's also doing this: HowToBeatUpAnything