Who likes paying taxes? Not me. I bet you don't as well. But what do we do about it? Not a thing. Unless you count whining as "doing something." You do? Look, we're really getting off topic here...

You know who doesn't like taxes and doesn't do nothing about it? That's right, the originator of a foolproof gambling strategy known for paying off a staggering fifty percent of the time, Wesley Snipes.

I've no doubt Wesley does plenty of things we don't. Third-tier actresses, direct-to-video movies, and, quite possibly, time. None of those are as impressive as the stunt that might land him there. The US Governent comes to him and ask for the money he owes them and he not only says "no" but goes on to state, "Actually, YOU OWE ME MONEY. Millions of dollars, in fact, and I'm here to collect."

That's likes some unholy offspring of "balls" and "stupidity" they cook up in a lab somewhere using a test tube, tweezers, and a Barry White CD. I'm guessing you pick it up on the black market (the only place Passenger 57 shops) and then inject it directly into your spine. Wesley's body is like 43% that shit.

Okay, he didn't actually say it, his actions did, but tell me that doesn't sound like every Wesley Snipes character ever. I think he really thinks he's a Snipes' character. I don't see any other explanation.

I'm not saying this isn't true, that there might not be a long lost, legally binding interpretation of a loophole forgotten by all... but if there was, is it really likely that the man bringing it to our attention would be WESLEY SNIPES?

A school teacher years from now standing in front of the Wesley Snipes' statue on the lawn of the White House. "That's right, kids, this great man starred in both Jungle Fever and White Men Can't Jump before going on to free the people of our land from the tyranny of paying taxes!"

"Then he cured my cancer with his breath and made gold fall from the sky... which, actually, injured many, many people. Most of them ended up only breaking even, after the medical costs... but live and learn, I never said he was perfect! "

Again, another example of how one Mr. Snipes differs from you and I. It's almost staggering, the lack of similarity. I'd have replied to my accountant, "Oh, okay. Heh, guess that was stupid. No millions for me then, is that what you're saying? Cool."

There's no transcript here (And why Snipes doesn't travel with a 24 hour on-duty court reporter is beyond me, and potentially one of the greatest oversights of the '90s.) but I'd bet anything his response was a terse, "Well... then file it again." even though, as we both can see, that's not in any way a response to the accountant's statement. It kinda even doesn't make sense.

I'm an idiot and know next to nothing of the law, but even I can see that this sounds... um, not so great.

I'm going to again bet that if we had the documents Snipes submitted in front of us, we wouldn't find a single "question mark" on them. But, good luck.

I'm torn. We've had celebs in jail before, but not an "action hero." This third act could be nuts. US government vs. Wesley Snipes... Let's find out. It's bound to be better than Undisputed.


TheCoolerKing still enjoys the shit out of the first Blade movie. And 2 was cool, also. I guess... I mean, "he guesses."