Ok, you see this? This is Meet The Spartans.



This needs to stop. Like, right fucking now!

The genre of Parody/Slapstick movies has gone from my absolute favorite to most despised. More so than musicals. It's a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions. The entire world would be mourning if they knew what was good for them.

Top Secret? Hot Shots? UHF? Naked Gun? Spaceballs? These movies are as brilliant as they are timeless and I'm hard pressed to find anybody that disagrees with me.

And just so we're all clear here, I work for a company that deals heavily with the movie industry. (So do 16 year old Blockbuster clerks. What's your point?) I see things. I know things. These movies? They suck. This isn't an opinion either. I know, it totally sounds like one, but you'll have to trust me. This is science we're dealing with. Bad science.

Now, these two douchebags (Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer) have somehow gained a monopoly on the entire genre. Their combined lack of understanding of the craft is equivalent to 3 Uwe Bolls! THREE!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!!

You can even tell from the moment the preview pops up that it's the same crack team of knuckleheads! I'm convinced that they're one of those weird anomalies that fell upwards in Hollywood, starting off as some executive's genital scrubber. It's not just the "______ Movie" titles, but it's this weird subliminal veil of shit over the camera lens that gives it away the moment I see it. Thats the best way I can explain it. If you handed me a random production still, I would tell you it's a "Retarded Movie" and then crush your facial bones with the other hand.

Team America is the only recent example I can think of, love it or hate it, that got the point of making fun of big budget action films. Even though there's really never been a live action movie about an American-Based Global Police Force, it was just like 90% of every big budget action film from the last 25 years. Their cookie cutter "female interest," the machismo soundtrack and overly-reluctant hero are just some examples how you can make fun of movies that haven't even been green lit yet.

And if you're going to make a parody of a particular movie, get into it. Deconstruct the shit out of it. Don't just fling satirical poo at anything that crawled through the box office. Pick a target and maim it like a Roman Lion!

Kentucky Fried Movie was actually brilliant enough to play the best of both worlds. They tackled late 70s pop culture with disjointed sketches that SNL wished they could do and then crammed a short, but complete parody of Enter The Dragon into the middle of it.



UHF took on TV in the late 80s using a low-budget station willing to do anything. The Naked Gun took on Cop Dramas/Noir. Austen Powers nabbed not just Bond movies, but all the crazy French Spy flicks and even The Prisoner for Pete's sake! And none of them are held down by timely gags centered around Nike Commercials or 6th place American Idol contestants. NONE!!

Gah, my brain hurts already. Just do me a favor and DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE!!! Don't even download it! In the meantime, I'm going to sleep, where my non sequitur dreams have better jokes.

OctEgon isn't really sure what to put down here at the bottom, but noticed that all the other articles had some witty remark, so consider this his.