I am sad. As documented by this very site, I've been blown away by incredible trailers before. And always, after the first look, with the really great ones, there's a hangover. A bleakness, that follows having every part of your body capable of registering enjoyment, do so in overdrive... until they empty out entirely.

That's just happened.


MUCH BETTER VERSION

I'm completely gutted, bereft of any sensations of pleasure. Seratonin levels, fully depleted. Even the "hyperbole" section of my brain has shut down in protest, after my multiple screaming utterances of "This trailer is the best thing about being alive!! I'm not kidding!" Then it was working on reserve power, until my eyes rolled back into my head, bringing darkness, causing me to slip into a temporary coma that only abated when, on my trip to the floor, my finger grazed the track-pad causing the trailer to replay... and revive me. It may've actually saved my life.

Ten subsequent screenings of the trailer have fully revitalized me, and now, I must watch it once an hour or risk death. I couldn't think of a happier way to wind down my remaining forty or so years on the planet.

You know a trailer is amazing when you have a girl with a machine gun arm in it, and it's not even the coolest part. Fuck, they have an actual flying guillotine in it, and I'm not sure that was the best part. Think about that, they made two whole movies about nothing but the flying guillotine, and they were phenomenal... And the guillotine is maybe the fourth best part of this trailer.



I've been waiting twenty years for them to bring the flying G back! I mean, how many baseball movies are there? How many movies are there revolving around a sword? Or a fast car? It's high time we get a full-blown flying guillotine genre and it starts right here. If we also get a murderous spinning drill bra and machine gun arm/with tempura option, genre, so be it.

This is like some hit the jackpot mash-up of Ichi the Killer, The Army of Darkness and everything I care about in the whole wide world.

"Coming Soon" can't come soon enough.



TheCoolerKing wishes he could tell his TIVO that although he loves "The Sopranos" on HBO he's much less excited about watching "The Sopranos" on A&E... So knock it off.