Kid Rock, There's Nothing He Won't Punch

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We're still stuck in a vicious war, possibly on the brink of another one, and California is burned nearly to the ground. However, right now, I truly feel the best way our time could be spent is by thinking about Kid Rock.

Why? Because you can live vicariously through his reckless brawling, feel superior to his redneck antics or even compare the relative magnitude of your potential next mistake, with his. (Most likely - forgot to buy milk versus stabbed a security guard with a rusty faucet handle. Feel better?)

Last month, as you may recall, Kid Rock punched Tommy Lee in the mouth at the VMA's. Now comes word that he beat up some guy at an Atlanta Waffle House.

"Rock along with five members of his entourage were charged with one count of battery, which is a misdemeanor. The victim ... was treated and released at a local hospital for his injuries," Mekka Parish, spokeswoman for DeKalb police, said.

The Waffle House pressed charges against the man involved in the fight with Rock's entourage after a window was punched out during the fight, which started inside but ended in the parking lot, Parish said.
I guess the question is, who's next? In a way, he's providing us a valuable service, like the mongoose ridding the land of pesky cobras. Sure, this cobra smokes too much and has poor taste in the ladies but, he's doing his job. First Tommy Lee, then some douche causing problems at the Waffle House... No bad can come of this. He is slowly but surely (well, more slowly) clearing the land of deadbeats, and on the day his power of punch fails him, well, he'll have gotten rid of himself.

Kid Rock's never bothered me. He's always seemed like a dude, one-hundred percent aware of how lucky he was, just out having a good time. And even though I don't care for his music, anytime they've stuck one of his two hits into a movie trailer, I've enjoyed it.

So who will it be? Who will next face the wrath of the redneck? Ryan Seacrest? Some other Motley Crue member? A stray dog?

Here are three of the most likley scenarios.

SCENARIO 1 - Kid Rock drunkenly stumbles into his neighbor's yard, thinking it his own. After wondering aloud about "who the fuck all these little dudes are," he's confronted by the colorfully attired person in charge. After a brief skirmish Kid grabs a fistful of frilly collar with his left hand hand while cocking his right, then delivers a brutal punch. It lands squarely on a bulbous red nose, sending the poor, poor clown tumbling into the pool, where he floats, motionless. Thirty-seven sad children cry on cue.

SCENARIO 2 - Kid asks the tall, hardass-looking guy with the 100 watt smile if he's got a fucking problem. Silence. Kid asks again, this time backing it up with a shove. The guy doesn't move, it's like he's made of iron. Kid asks if the guy thinks he's fucking better than him, then yanks his own shirt off and hurls it into the street all while pacing in a cirle, muttering about how "some motherfuckers just don't know." Kid suddenly breaks from his pattern and lands a right hand to the midsection of his opponent. Then another. This guy's tough but Kid doesn't stop unloading... Police called to the scene arrive to find a bloody-fisted Rock, slumped and out cold, at the foot of an also bloody but otherwise pristine looking, lamp post.

SCENARIO 3 - If you'd have told Kid Rock that, one year ago, shortly after having been arrested for his scuffle at the Waffle House, he'd meet and fall in love with Kandi, the comely young daughter of one Nelson Mandela, he'd have said you were crazy. But, love is unpredictable, and here he was, not only happily engaged to Kandi but on stage at a ceremony honoring her father for his... something. Kid wasn't sure. He'd put all the fighting in the past and was ready to move on... if only Kandi's old man would stop EYEBALLING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. "Man who ended aparteid," or not, Kid Rock doesn't scare easy. A slap to the face from Kid followed by a "How 'bout now?" taunt woke something deep inside Mandela and they locked into a death struggle. Alas, age and many battles fought had taken their toll on the old man, he didn't have it on this night. His sole joy, as he collapsed in slow motion, was the sight of countless bodyguards flying in from all angles, pummeling Kid mercilessly.



TheCoolerKing is going to get a drink.

web address: http://suicidegirls.com/news/celeb/22523/Kid-Rock-Theres-Nothing-He-Wont-Punch/