If watching "Top Chef" has taught me anything (it hasn't but bear with me), it's that recipes are important. The act of putting great ingredients together to create something fantastic, cannot be overestimated. Start out with second rate ingredients, and you risk ruining the end product.

In fact, even one or two bad ingredients can sabotage the overall result. (I learned that from "Three's Company." I gotta be honest, I'm not convinced this recipe-analogy thing is gonna fly. I'm hoping these cutesy asides distract from that.) For instance:

Peanut butter + jelly = good

Peanut butter + jelly + a horrible actor = no good

Lemme get more specific. A good recipe was:

Terminator + James Cameron + Arnold = classic movie

Maybe Arnold isn't the most versatile guy on Earth, but he can do one thing pretty well. Act like a robotic-killing machine. Now, sure, this skill didn't serve him so well when he was playing almost every other role, but it worked here. As for the remaining elements, James Cameron is a pretty good director and Terminator was his masterpiece. This combo worked perfectly for two movies.

Then they changed the recipe to:

Terminator + "not James Cameron" + Arnold = fun movie

Okay, that doesn't sound that appetizing, but, I actually thought it was a fun movie. Arnold had sort of a meta, fucking around, tongue-in-cheek vibe going, they added a hot new Lady-nator, and it went by quick. They also switched out Eddie Furlong with some other guy. He wasn't that important, which is why he's not in the recipe. Or, maybe he's the side dish of vegetables that has very little bearing on whether you order the meal. (Yeah, I know, I'll drop it soon.)

Now, comes word that the recipe has been watered down even more.

Terminator + "McG aka guy who did the Charlie's Angels movie" + Vin Diesel = Hey wait a minute!

I don't know about you, but I only like one of those ingredients. You may be thinking, "Well, Vin Diesel's a better actor than Arnie..." Maybe he's got more range, and by that I mean that he can go from "deep gravel voice" to "even deeper gravel voice," but that doesn't mean shit in this role. He's no Arnold, not when it comes to the Terminator. No offense but, the T-800 isn't made from clay, and this isn't the Golem movie.

I guess what I'm saying is, that's the worst looking PB&J I've ever seen...

(See, I kind of wrapped it up okay. Just promise me you won't let this turn you off of all analogies.)



TheCoolerKing is off to NYC to get drunk and run around like a jerk. Does that city still never sleep?