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"Terminator" Plus Vin Diesel Equals Fuck No

THURSDAY OCTOBER 11 2007 8:00 PM

Submitted by TheCoolerKing. Edited By erin_broadley.

TAGS: Terminator 4, Vin Diesel, James Cameron, fun recipes!

If watching "Top Chef" has taught me anything (it hasn't but bear with me), it's that recipes are important. The act of putting great ingredients together to create something fantastic, cannot be overestimated. Start out with second rate ingredients, and you risk ruining the end product.

In fact, even one or two bad ingredients can sabotage the overall result. (I learned that from "Three's Company." I gotta be honest, I'm not convinced this recipe-analogy thing is gonna fly. I'm hoping these cutesy asides distract from that.) For instance:

Peanut butter + jelly = good

Peanut butter + jelly + a horrible actor = no good

Lemme get more specific. A good recipe was:

Terminator + James Cameron + Arnold = classic movie

Maybe Arnold isn't the most versatile guy on Earth, but he can do one thing pretty well. Act like a robotic-killing machine. Now, sure, this skill didn't serve him so well when he was playing almost every other role, but it worked here. As for the remaining elements, James Cameron is a pretty good director and Terminator was his masterpiece. This combo worked perfectly for two movies.

Then they changed the recipe to:

Terminator + "not James Cameron" + Arnold = fun movie

Okay, that doesn't sound that appetizing, but, I actually thought it was a fun movie. Arnold had sort of a meta, fucking around, tongue-in-cheek vibe going, they added a hot new Lady-nator, and it went by quick. They also switched out Eddie Furlong with some other guy. He wasn't that important, which is why he's not in the recipe. Or, maybe he's the side dish of vegetables that has very little bearing on whether you order the meal. (Yeah, I know, I'll drop it soon.)

Now, comes word that the recipe has been watered down even more.

Terminator + "McG aka guy who did the Charlie's Angels movie" + Vin Diesel = Hey wait a minute!

I don't know about you, but I only like one of those ingredients. You may be thinking, "Well, Vin Diesel's a better actor than Arnie..." Maybe he's got more range, and by that I mean that he can go from "deep gravel voice" to "even deeper gravel voice," but that doesn't mean shit in this role. He's no Arnold, not when it comes to the Terminator. No offense but, the T-800 isn't made from clay, and this isn't the Golem movie.

I guess what I'm saying is, that's the worst looking PB&J I've ever seen...

(See, I kind of wrapped it up okay. Just promise me you won't let this turn you off of all analogies.)

TheCoolerKing is off to NYC to get drunk and run around like a jerk. Does that city still never sleep?

55 Comments

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emotedcreations

Germany

July 2006

OCT 11, 2007 08:19 PM

Hey! I liked Twins.

I have to agree tho'. Vin Diesal + Terminator Movie = No go. He's certainly no PB&J.

Metaverse

Portland, OR

March 2005

OCT 11, 2007 08:21 PM

I just wish Vin Diesel would do the final Chronicles of Riddick movie, it could actually be interesting if they didn't fuck it all up, but that seems to happen a lot these days to films. As for Terminator and Diesel...well...maybe it could be okay...maybe.....or not.

punk

Phoenix, AZ

January 2004

OCT 11, 2007 08:22 PM

"I love spaghetti, but it's got shit on it!"

(Five of you will get this.)

Formus

Milwaukee, WI

May 2007

OCT 11, 2007 08:23 PM

Vin Diesel was great in Pitch Black, and he basically played a seemingly heartless killer who discovers some kind of kindness, which is the first two Terminator films all in one. The Terminator is a perfect role for Dielsel - he's not required to act aside from looking menacing and flexing his muscles. It seems like it would suck, but not because of Vin Diesel, but because of everything else.

IHateTheLiving

Milton, FL

June 2006

OCT 11, 2007 08:29 PM

well there's always those weirdos that like honey or syrup on their pb&j.

Azkadellia

Douglas, MI

April 2007

OCT 11, 2007 08:32 PM

mmmmm....vin diesel.... *drools*

Oh, I'm sorry, what were you saying?

Ainur

Alameda, CA

May 2005

OCT 11, 2007 08:33 PM

Fuuuuuuuuuuck no.

ash67

Longview, TX

October 2005

OCT 11, 2007 08:35 PM

Aw. Nick Stahl is always important to me. Even though his Ben Hawkins kicks his John Connor's ass.

Drake

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

OCT 11, 2007 08:36 PM

So I'm not the only one that thinks Vin Diesel looks like a potato!

ink_slinger

Edmonton, AB

October 2005

OCT 11, 2007 08:37 PM

Vin Diesel + Pretty Much Anything = Not Good

Psybolt

Santa Barbara, CA

February 2005

OCT 11, 2007 08:40 PM

ash67 said:
Aw. Nick Stahl is always important to me. Even though his Ben Hawkins kicks his John Connor's ass.

Fucking A. Ben Hawkins is the man. or the savior, as it were.

Cassiel

Aurora, CO

September 2004

OCT 11, 2007 08:43 PM

punk said:
"I love spaghetti, but it's got shit on it!"

(Five of you will get this.)

i love Pablo Francisco.

also, while 'Terminator' is a great Cameron flick, I don't think it's his best. I'd argue 'The Abyss' or 'Aliens' or even (shudder) 'Titanic.'

also, what kind of a prick are you that you're referred to as "McG"?

xazapdmytinu

Fort Collins, CO

July 2007

OCT 11, 2007 08:43 PM

ash67 said:
Aw. Nick Stahl is always important to me. Even though his Ben Hawkins kicks his John Connor's ass.

Would an "Amen" be cliche here?

I think so.

Am I still going to say it?

Yep!

Amen.

He also makes a great Yellow Bastard!

Moonrabbit

Kingston, ON

February 2005

OCT 11, 2007 08:44 PM

You lost all credibility when you said there was anything good about T3. I think they seriously need to pull a highlander 2 with the terminator movies, get James Cameron to actually write the next chapter in his story instead of letting peggy-sue fanboys write themselves into movies based on their terminator inspired, robosexual wet dreams.

Sure chick T-1000 thingy would be cool in theory. But she was in fact ridiculous. She was essentialy the incarnation of all the springloaded missile launching T-1000 action figures Kenner made that completely ignored the fact that it made perfect sense that a shapeshifting robot can not create complex machinery or projectile weaponry.
I hope James Cameron himself makes the next terminator movie, and handpicks Vin Diesel and it's super awesome just to stick it you you, TheCoolerKing.

Arnie's best roles were a quiet barbarian and an emotionless robot. Now he's too old and flabby. I say bring on Diesel, he'll be perfect.

Azkadellia

Douglas, MI

April 2007

OCT 11, 2007 08:47 PM

Cassiel said:

also, what kind of a prick are you that you're referred to as "McG"?

A big one.

Also, why are we still making MORE terminator movies? T1&2 were good. 3 was a waste. 4 will be retarded no matter who plays in it. Just saying.

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