I like vampires. A lot. I'll watch anything with a vampire in it. Movies, TV shows, radio plays, a Senate hearing (it was covered up), anything. As those of you with taste and intelligence can imagine, this often leads to me seeing a ton of garbage.

For every Buffy the Vampire Slayer there's a Moonlight. For every Blade, there's a Blade 3. You get the idea.

For filmmakers, I think the solution is, watch some Buffy and Angel, and if you can't top that, maybe you do a werewolf film. Or a wendigo. Or some fucking alien-griffin-centaur hybrid thing that's fueled by our femur bones and vulnerable only to ice-cream (rocky road?) Some sort of new, never before seen, thing.

Or, if you're determined to go through with it, do something awesome.



The twist here is, vampires, in an Alaskan city that's dark for 30 days. That sounds awesome at first, but, is it? Were the time constraints really what was fucking up all those vamps? Sure, you'd often see a vamp about to tear into some dude's neck only to get zapped in the hand by sunlight before running back to his crypt. But, it's not like the almost-dead dude then moved out of town and lived happily ever after. The vamp came back in twelve hours and they picked up where they left off... I guess I'm on the fence. It was an awesome enough premise for me to buy the comic book the film is based on, but the more I thought about it the more it sounded half-assed.

Blade was half-vamp, half-human (his left side), Angel was a vampire with a soul who always felt like a dick shortly after any vamp-type maneuvers, John Carpenter's Vampires (not a great movie, I know) had modern day mercenaries using technology to fight vampires. And James Woods smoked cigars and made a lot of jokes that made human and vampire alike feel awful... I'm not sure this twist is up there with those guys. This twist belongs with "Vamp who attacks during a lunar eclipse," or "Vampire-hunting priest on a boat, and the ocean is holy water."

More importantly, who wants to watch a movie made up entirely of fog-filled, hard to make out scenes that all take place at night?

Do you need a spoiler alert to announce that the good guy wins in the end? Cause that's what happens in the comic. I think the ending is what ruined it for me. The art was amazing, the story was interesting... Humans vs. vamps, all building up to the ending, where a guy faces off against the head vamp, who's been built up as this super formidable vamp who's wiser, faster, and more experienced than any other. The human injects himself with a vamp's blood (awesome!), gains its powers (woo!) and then quickly beats the head vamp (huh?). The vamp is killed in minutes by the inexperienced half-human guy, even though, I think, earlier he'd killed other more experienced vamps with no problems...

Hopefully they've fixed that part for the movie. Either way, I'll be there on opening day to find out. Good or bad, shitty or fun, I'm in... It is my curse. (Cue wolf howl and dry ice machine.)






TheCoolerKing plans on making "30 Days of Light", an Alaskan set vampire moving featuring absolutely no vampires, focusing mainly on very happy townspeople making elaborate vacation plans for the following month.