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  • TUESDAY OCTOBER 2 2007 8:00 PM

Meet the Douchebag!

Submitted by TheCoolerKing

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Girls Gone Wild, Joe Francis, people who are awf



You may've heard that noted creep and "Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis is in jail. Apparently the charge was guilty of being a piece of shit? I don't know, I'm not a lawyer. Now, instead of just ducking his head and going about his douche-battle for freedom in privacy, he's created a website hoping to win you over.

It takes a lot for me to side with with religious wack-jobs, and the ones going after Francis have somehow managed the task.

The site is loaded with goofy "headshots" which do their best to portray Francis as a charming, fun-loving dude. Not the kind of "head shots," I'd hope we'd be talking about in a story involving Francis, but, hey you can't have everything...

The site contains a section detailing His Story. It is 18 pages long. Eighteen. Surely the heroic act of him having been born and all his legendary deeds since that fateful day, could've been relayed in, oh, some number less than 18 pages? I think so.

There's also a photo gallery, for all your Joe Francis-photo needs. Like, for example, if you were a particularly unscrupulous charades player, and you needed to get your team to say, "shit-bag," you could point to one of these photos.

There's also a FAQ section. Here's me taking cheap shots at that section:

Q: How did you come up with the name "Girls Gone Wild"?
A: Once I had the first tape edited together, I knew I needed a catchy name. During a cross-country flight, I took out a legal pad and just started brainstorming. I love being creative, so I spent hours writing and scratching out hundreds of names. I finally settled on "College Girls Gone Wild" - and then, at the last minute, I crossed out the word "College" and circled the words "Girls Gone Wild." I had my brand.


Wow, I really feel sorry for those people who got to witness the signing of the Magna Carta or the creation of the Mona Lisa, or more recently, those who watched the great Muhammad Ali in the ring. It really is a shame they don't let you pick the "legendary moments" to witness. Sad, how they were forced to go through life, so much the poorer for never having heard the tale of Joe's momentous feat.

Also, he "loves being creative," and yet it took him over several hundred tries to come up with the title, "Girls Gone Wild." But, remember, he loves being creative.

Q: Why do you think all those girls are willing to flash for your cameras?
A: I think it’s a couple of things. First, girls enjoy attention. It’s a simple female trait that the average girl needs and deserves a healthy amount of attention. Second, it’s a form of expression. College-age girls are beginning to enjoy their independence, and flashing is a way of saying, "This is my body, I’m proud of it and I don’t mind giving you a chance to admire it." It’s as simple as that, really. I don’t think it’s a sexual act. I honestly think it’s just an expression of fun and freedom.


Ah yes, alcohol and drug-fueled, instantly regrettable, underage... freedom. Oh, you girls and your endless desire for attention! Joe sure has figured it all out.

Q: Do you see yourself ever settling down and getting married?
A: Absolutely. I’m a romantic guy, and I am really looking forward to starting a family.


Awwwwww! Right ladies? Such a softie!

Q: Does your job allow you to have sex with a lot of girls?
A: Well, it’s not because of my job; I don’t use my job in that way. I guess the correct answer is "as many as possible." I’m not always successful, but I probably deserve an "A" for effort. My philosophy is that it never hurts to ask...


Fucking high five, brah!

...But as the brother of three sisters, I know very well that "No" means "No."


Yes, because that's the only situation where you'd ever learn that lesson.

Q: Do you really have a private jet?
A: Yes. I took my first ride in a private jet about six years ago, and found the freedom of the whole experience so amazing that I bought a Falcon jet three weeks later.


Who's asking these question, a fucking six-year-old? Hey, Joe, have you ever met a real live fireman?

Q: Do angry dads, brothers or boyfriends come after you?
A: It’s only happened once. In our second year of business, a gentleman called our offices. When I answered, he said, "Who is this?" I told him, and he said, "Did my daughter flash for your cameras?" I looked up the paperwork on his daughter and said, "Yes. I’m looking at her signed release. How can I help you?" There was a long silence, and finally he said, "Well, I guess she wanted to do it, or she wouldn’t have done it." I agreed, and he said, "Long as I have you on the phone, do you think you could send me some free videos?"


See folks, completely fabricated situations don't lie. This fictional gentleman from made-up-land would surely attest to that.

Joe goes on to describe how women are like cats, explain which part of the country has the hottest chicks, and talk about his desire to have a family.

The most shocking thing about all of this? He actually built this site to help his cause.



TheCoolerking seems to be drinking far too much coffee lately. He also sometimes types the word "coffee," when he means, "whisky."

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Comments
Zoetica

Zoetica

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

OCT 03, 2007 01:52 PM

This article was hilarious, as was the ensuing drama. Nicely done.

Rigel

Rigel

ASSPARTY

California, USA

OCT 03, 2007 01:59 PM

Zoetica said:
This article was hilarious, as was the ensuing drama. Nicely done.



yep, pretty much!

RileyStClair

RileyStClair

Los Angeles, CA
September 2006

OCT 03, 2007 03:41 PM

lol what a dbag, i love it.

Kanner

Kanner

New Zealand
September 2007

OCT 03, 2007 03:42 PM

KingHELL said: At the end of the day, despite the gulf of differences that separates them, both rely on horny guys paying to see young women's naked bits to pay the bills.




A generality that numerous people have taken issue with in the course of this thread. Let's, oh, compare drinking Jack Daniels with drinking meths. Hey, at the end of the day you're just doing it to get shitfaced, right?! So there's no *real* difference, right? All you people who like 'whisky' and stuff are just kidding yourselves.

Or you could stop acting like a bum. =/

BTW, it's an unfortunate fact, but generally speaking models/artists/.../computer programmers/creative types DON'T own the rights to their work after they sell it. While it's a bit nasty and definitely something that needs to be understood before you sign off on something as intimate as an SG shoot, it's not a reason per se NOT to do it. At the end of the day the person running the business needs to get a return, and that tends to overshadow the rights of the artists involved (for far too long, sometimes).

KingHELL

kinghell

Portland, OR
July 2003

OCT 03, 2007 04:02 PM

Kanner said:

KingHELL said: At the end of the day, despite the gulf of differences that separates them, both rely on horny guys paying to see young women's naked bits to pay the bills.




A generality that numerous people have taken issue with in the course of this thread. Let's, oh, compare drinking Jack Daniels with drinking meths. Hey, at the end of the day you're just doing it to get shitfaced, right?! So there's no *real* difference, right? All you people who like 'whisky' and stuff are just kidding yourselves.



I went to great lengths to say that I see a big difference between what SG does and what GGW does. In fact, the phrase "gulf of differences" appears right there in the quote that you pulled from my post. So when you claim that I'm saying that "there's no *real* difference," you're actually accusing me of saying the exact opposite of what I actually said.

And I'm well aware of rights issues involved for creative types. With very, very few exceptions, every word I've written for money has been work-for-hire. I'm just saying that it's a little slimy when you try and distinguish yourself from other pornographers by claiming to "empower" women, and then you use the exact same legal tactics as Joe Francis to deny them power and control over the use of their likenesses. Not saying it's not legal. Just saying it's pretty fucking sleazy.

But that's just my opinion. Maybe I've lost touch with reality because of all those meths I drink.

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

OCT 03, 2007 04:08 PM

oyaji said:

He's a douchebag. Why are you people defending him? Is it because you just LOOOOVE looking at drunk girls flashing their tits so much that you don't care how that particular sausage is made? Or is it because you are a misogynist asshole?

I don't see a third possibility.



You = Pure Awesome.

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

OCT 03, 2007 04:17 PM

telly1138 said: When you do something that is either illegal or ill-advised, like getting yourself so drunk you are no longer rational, than you must pay the consequences.



Rape is not a "consequence" of getting wasted.


telly1138 said: I'm saying that wrongs can be avoided all together by some simple forethought.



No, they really can't. Educating people about ways to avoid potential danger is a great thing, but teaching them that they can completely avoid bad things happening to them if they follow some prescribed set of rules is teaching them to be naive and, frankly, stupid. As much as we would like to pretend that if you behave a certain way bad things won't happen to you, that simply isn't true.

Aside from that, the fact that people are sometimes irresponsible does not, in any way, make taking advantage of that any less disgusting and wrong.

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

OCT 03, 2007 04:22 PM

telly1138 said: But that's puritanical of me, I guess, to suggest that thinking ahead to the worst possible scenario and taking steps to prevent it is an acceptable measure to avoid an attack outside a club, in the home of a stranger, or on a deserted stretch of road.



But that isn't how many rapes happen. You are seeing rape is something done by strangers or scary men in dark alleyways, when in fact it is extremely common that the rapist is someone the victim knows, and often someone the victim trusts. Does this mean that on top of telling women that they shouldn't drink in public, walk alone, talk to strangers, or go to clubs we should also teach them to never, ever trust anyone? Because the people they do trust could end up being the most dangerous person in their world.

I am all for educating people on ways of preventing risk. But again, it is naive to think that rape will be stopped if women start being ridiculously cautious in any public situation. And it's just repugnant to look at a victim and to start analyzing how the VICTIM should have acted differently, instead of saying "hey, why did the horrible fuck who attacked this person do what they did, and what can we do to keep them from ever doing it again?"

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

OCT 03, 2007 04:52 PM

If I was good with PhotoShop I'd make an "oyaji-'ed!" macro right about now.

KingHELL

kinghell

Portland, OR
July 2003

OCT 03, 2007 04:59 PM

Um, it's actually Joe Fucking Francis. Steve Fucking Francis is a Houston Rocket.

Other than that, right fucking on.

_Brody_

_Brody_

Cardiff By The Sea, CA
February 2007

OCT 03, 2007 05:12 PM

Dude, this post and the replies are fucking great.

That guy's such a douche. I love how it says "Hello friends!" Everywhere

KingHELL

kinghell

Portland, OR
July 2003

OCT 03, 2007 05:14 PM

oyaji said:
Though I do hate the Houston Rockets. Bastards beat my beloved Knicks in 1994. John Starks, I love you.



I would have absolutely no problem if you wanted to start a "Steve Francis rapes drunk girls" rumor.

attn_ho

attn_ho

Brooklyn, NY
February 2004

OCT 03, 2007 05:28 PM

oyaji said:
If things were different, they wouldn't be the same.



i love how you open with this sentence. i think we should all wear this sentence, like a gun in a shoulder holster.

10k

10k

San Antonio, TX
July 2002

OCT 03, 2007 06:52 PM

bwah ha ha!!!

+10 smile smile smile smile

10k

10k

San Antonio, TX
July 2002

OCT 03, 2007 07:07 PM

Jace said:
That being said, it's Joe Francis. He's the biggest chauvinist, sexist, rapist asshole on the face of the Earth. I hope that judge railroads him until he dies in prison, or at least until he gets man-raped a few times.



Holy hell! That's scary shit there buddy. Joe Francis is a giant douche turd sandwich, but any corruption of the legal system sets a very bad precedent. Justice and law are supposed to apply to everybody (i know this is not always the case in the really real world), not just people we agree with or like.

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