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  • TUESDAY OCTOBER 2 2007 8:00 PM

Meet the Douchebag!

Submitted by TheCoolerKing

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Girls Gone Wild, Joe Francis, people who are awf



You may've heard that noted creep and "Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis is in jail. Apparently the charge was guilty of being a piece of shit? I don't know, I'm not a lawyer. Now, instead of just ducking his head and going about his douche-battle for freedom in privacy, he's created a website hoping to win you over.

It takes a lot for me to side with with religious wack-jobs, and the ones going after Francis have somehow managed the task.

The site is loaded with goofy "headshots" which do their best to portray Francis as a charming, fun-loving dude. Not the kind of "head shots," I'd hope we'd be talking about in a story involving Francis, but, hey you can't have everything...

The site contains a section detailing His Story. It is 18 pages long. Eighteen. Surely the heroic act of him having been born and all his legendary deeds since that fateful day, could've been relayed in, oh, some number less than 18 pages? I think so.

There's also a photo gallery, for all your Joe Francis-photo needs. Like, for example, if you were a particularly unscrupulous charades player, and you needed to get your team to say, "shit-bag," you could point to one of these photos.

There's also a FAQ section. Here's me taking cheap shots at that section:

Q: How did you come up with the name "Girls Gone Wild"?
A: Once I had the first tape edited together, I knew I needed a catchy name. During a cross-country flight, I took out a legal pad and just started brainstorming. I love being creative, so I spent hours writing and scratching out hundreds of names. I finally settled on "College Girls Gone Wild" - and then, at the last minute, I crossed out the word "College" and circled the words "Girls Gone Wild." I had my brand.


Wow, I really feel sorry for those people who got to witness the signing of the Magna Carta or the creation of the Mona Lisa, or more recently, those who watched the great Muhammad Ali in the ring. It really is a shame they don't let you pick the "legendary moments" to witness. Sad, how they were forced to go through life, so much the poorer for never having heard the tale of Joe's momentous feat.

Also, he "loves being creative," and yet it took him over several hundred tries to come up with the title, "Girls Gone Wild." But, remember, he loves being creative.

Q: Why do you think all those girls are willing to flash for your cameras?
A: I think it’s a couple of things. First, girls enjoy attention. It’s a simple female trait that the average girl needs and deserves a healthy amount of attention. Second, it’s a form of expression. College-age girls are beginning to enjoy their independence, and flashing is a way of saying, "This is my body, I’m proud of it and I don’t mind giving you a chance to admire it." It’s as simple as that, really. I don’t think it’s a sexual act. I honestly think it’s just an expression of fun and freedom.


Ah yes, alcohol and drug-fueled, instantly regrettable, underage... freedom. Oh, you girls and your endless desire for attention! Joe sure has figured it all out.

Q: Do you see yourself ever settling down and getting married?
A: Absolutely. I’m a romantic guy, and I am really looking forward to starting a family.


Awwwwww! Right ladies? Such a softie!

Q: Does your job allow you to have sex with a lot of girls?
A: Well, it’s not because of my job; I don’t use my job in that way. I guess the correct answer is "as many as possible." I’m not always successful, but I probably deserve an "A" for effort. My philosophy is that it never hurts to ask...


Fucking high five, brah!

...But as the brother of three sisters, I know very well that "No" means "No."


Yes, because that's the only situation where you'd ever learn that lesson.

Q: Do you really have a private jet?
A: Yes. I took my first ride in a private jet about six years ago, and found the freedom of the whole experience so amazing that I bought a Falcon jet three weeks later.


Who's asking these question, a fucking six-year-old? Hey, Joe, have you ever met a real live fireman?

Q: Do angry dads, brothers or boyfriends come after you?
A: It’s only happened once. In our second year of business, a gentleman called our offices. When I answered, he said, "Who is this?" I told him, and he said, "Did my daughter flash for your cameras?" I looked up the paperwork on his daughter and said, "Yes. I’m looking at her signed release. How can I help you?" There was a long silence, and finally he said, "Well, I guess she wanted to do it, or she wouldn’t have done it." I agreed, and he said, "Long as I have you on the phone, do you think you could send me some free videos?"


See folks, completely fabricated situations don't lie. This fictional gentleman from made-up-land would surely attest to that.

Joe goes on to describe how women are like cats, explain which part of the country has the hottest chicks, and talk about his desire to have a family.

The most shocking thing about all of this? He actually built this site to help his cause.



TheCoolerking seems to be drinking far too much coffee lately. He also sometimes types the word "coffee," when he means, "whisky."

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Tart

Tart

SUICIDEGIRL

New York, USA

OCT 02, 2007 08:53 PM

TheGringo said:

bluepastures said:
Um, I'm certainly no fan of "Girls Gone Wild" or Joe Francis, but your entry lacks the slightest scintilla of journalistic or even intellectual integrity. You would do well to think twice and construct a cogent, coherent argument before pressing the "Send" button next time. And schooling yourself in English grammar wouldn't hurt, either.


Before you chastise people for their grammar, you should learn how to use paragraphs.

Fucking lighten up.



aha. burn.

Seachelles

Seachelles

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

OCT 02, 2007 08:54 PM

It's one thing to make a conscious decision for monetary compensation and personal artistic reasons, and quite another to get drunk and pop out your tits for a tee shirt.

and if you saw my town, you would understand..

Tart

Tart

SUICIDEGIRL

New York, USA

OCT 02, 2007 09:03 PM

yeah, joe francis: asshole face.

im totally typing him an email right this minute.

Moonrabbit

Moonrabbit

Vancouver, BC
February 2005

OCT 02, 2007 09:05 PM

bluepastures said:
Um, I'm certainly no fan of "Girls Gone Wild" or Joe Francis, but your entry lacks the slightest scintilla of journalistic or even intellectual integrity. You would do well to think twice and construct a cogent, coherent argument before pressing the "Send" button next time. And schooling yourself in English grammar wouldn't hurt, either.



Someone owns a large collection of girls gone wild tapes!

Moonrabbit

Moonrabbit

Vancouver, BC
February 2005

OCT 02, 2007 09:06 PM

jquincy said:
i gotta say, i somewhat agree with bily, from ann arbor. does suicidegirls.com have that much room to talk? are they and 'girls gone wild' conceptually that different? i've noticed this before in some other articles; it seems like everyone knows there's naked girls to be oogled at on SG.com, except for those who write these "news" stories on SG.com. a little self-awareness would do you guys some good. this is such a weak editorial imitation of the onion...



Someone else does too!

Seriously boys, if you don't notice the difference between GGW and SG, then you're not paying attention, and obviously only see nudity as something to jack off to.

SuperCrunch

SuperCrunch

Birmingham, AL
January 2007

OCT 02, 2007 09:08 PM

Subrosa said:

bily said:

Subrosa said:

bily said:
This article gives me a "glass house" feeling. It's not like I joined this site for the great articles.



Well, it's not like tmronin or Cherry goes to bars and shoots random chicks when they're drunk either. There's a pretty significant difference, I think.



Perhaps not. But I can find plenty of sets on here of girls with liquor bottles. It may not be reality but it's still something that is frequently portrayed.



You're missing the point. It's not that the girls were drinking when they got their naked pictures taken. It's that in GGW the girls are drinking when they give their consent to have their pictures taken and then they are taken right then while they are still intoxicated. When someone takes a set on SG, they have plenty of time to decide whether or not it's something they really want to do. It's truly consensual. One cannot always say the same for GGW, as evidenced by the fact that Francis continually runs into these types of legal issues.



Not to mention the fact that SG has, depending on your standards, some level of class. The photographs are usually artfully done and all photo sets go through an approval process, not to mention the fact that the girls themselves must rise to certain standards. On the other side of the fence, GGW hires doucheterns (douchey interns) to find and film wasted sorority girls at sleezey nightclubs and then sexually assault or rape the really drunk girls on their bus.

SuperCrunch

SuperCrunch

Birmingham, AL
January 2007

OCT 02, 2007 09:16 PM

That Joe Francis is beyond egotistical freakshow Just reading the front page is like watching Joe Francis give himself slow, yet ferocious oral pleasure .

B1LL

B1LL

I'm lost
October 2003

OCT 02, 2007 09:17 PM

Seachelles,

You said the girls in your town were lining up to get into the bar...were they already too drunk to comprehend what they were getting themselves into? Just because you think your boobies are worth more than a t-shirt doesn't mean other people shouldn't be able to whip theirs out for whatever compensation they deem acceptable...There are plenty of things about this toolbox, Joe Francis to be upset about without insulting other women who exploit their sexuality just like you do...

Gringo

Gringo

Spokane, WA
May 2006

OCT 02, 2007 09:20 PM

Seachelles said:
It's one thing to make a conscious decision for monetary compensation and personal artistic reasons, and quite another to get drunk and pop out your tits for a tee shirt.

and if you saw my town, you would understand..


I will have you know (from my experience in FL with my girlfriend), they offer the t-shirt, and if you say "no," then they really up the ante and offer to throw in a hat too. Bonus.

I mean, that's gotta add up to almost $6 out of their pocket in exchange for a full-use release. How can you say no to that?!?!

But yeah, I'd imagine most girls feel stupid afterward for getting naked (whether in the club or in the parking lot on the bus they invite you to) for some stupid clothing.

I was actually shocked at how many girls did go in the back of the club and out to the tour bus (including one of our friends).

Ah, memories.

Strelnikov

Strelnikov

Holden, MA
March 2007

OCT 02, 2007 09:21 PM

SuicideGirls was created to empower women, not exploit them. I knew that when I was 12 and surfing for nudie pics on my dad's desktop with dial-up, or watching infomercials at 2 AM.

I'd say it, but it's already been said:

Moonrabbit said:
Seriously boys, if you don't notice the difference between GGW and SG, then you're not paying attention, and obviously only see nudity as something to jack off to.

Coyotemike

Coyotemike

USA
May 2006

OCT 02, 2007 09:22 PM

Seachelles said:
Girls Gone Wild recently visited my small town. It was absolutely disgusting to see the women lined up outside and the men attending (who paid $20 a pop to get into the bar!)

My friend and I protested by handing out turtlenecks outside but were stopped by the police.

....I'll get you next time Girls Gone Wild! *shakes fist* mad



I love this idea.

I've noticed people arguing that SG is similar to GGW. Apparently these people don't know the difference between erotica and porn. Erotica is meant to stimulate the sexual side of the mind. Porn is meant to stimulate genitals.

Poe

Poe

SUICIDEGIRL

Maine, USA

OCT 02, 2007 09:32 PM

Moonrabbit said:
Seriously boys, if you don't notice the difference between GGW and SG, then you're not paying attention, and obviously only see nudity as something to jack off to.



DevilsReject

DevilsReject

Cleveland, OH
February 2007

OCT 02, 2007 09:32 PM

the only thing i would like to hear come out of Joe Francis' mouth is:

Don't tase me Bro! DON'T TASE ME!



and when GGW came to my town, my friends talked me into going to it. It was no where NEAR comparable to SG. The girls who were borderline signing a waiver, were basically bought free drinks and repeatedly asked to show their girly bits, almost to the point of the male doucheterns begging them until they finally just gave in and did it. I was embarrassed to be a part of the male gender.

Last time i checked, none of the photographers here begged the girls for several hours and fed them free drinks to get them to drop their inhibitions to sign a waiver so they could photograph them.

I had no desire to buy the DVD's before going to that, and then after leaving that i was hoping the whole corporation would crash and burn to the ground.

Pagz

Pagz

Victoria, BC
March 2005

OCT 02, 2007 09:35 PM

Joe Francis won't win any humanitarian awards, there's no dobts there. GGW is pretty gross. However, all that being said, it's clear that "TheCoolerKing" didn't take the time to read the legal story of what has been happening (which is 10 pages, the 18 page life story of Joe is something else all together). The fact is that Joe Francis, despicable though he may be, is entitled to the same protection under the law that anyone else is, and what has been happening to him is beyond contemptible. The conflicts of interest, the Judicial misconduct, the human rights violations (yeah, actual human rights violations, against fucking Joe Francis of all people) and the violation of at least 6 of his constitutional rights all adds up to a "how the fuck are they getting away with this?" situation.

I appreciate that TheCoolerKing doesn't like Joe Francis, who does? But his article is one sided, completely biased, and entirely without any journalistic integrity of any kind.

Ceggon1

Ceggon1

Seattle, WA
January 2005

OCT 02, 2007 09:37 PM

Like him and his business or not, some of the legal maneuvers that have been pulled on him should scare any (even law abiding) American.

The conduct of the judge he was dealing with in FL sounds outrageous.

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