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  • SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 29 2007 9:00 PM

Letterman Funny for the First Time in Years

Submitted by Hunter

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: David Letterman, Paris Hilton, long due comeuppances



When I saw this story on dlisted, I almost couldn't believe it. David Letterman, long beloved as a bastion of mainstream, "safe" humor and pleasant celebrity interviews, basically just called Paris Hilton a dirty little slut, then verbally beat her like a red headed stepchild on national TV. Look!



Things I love about this interview

1. In a satire of everyone who's interviewed her in the past, he says "How'd you like being in jail?...God that was a horrible thing, wasn't that just horrible?" Before Paris can re-gift her canned answers, the audience laughs at a joke everyone but her is in on. It's not what he says, but how he says it...he questions her with deadpan faux-sincerity that goes far beyond his usual "LOOK AT ME I'M BEING FUNNY" demeanor.

2. He uses the word "scurvy," one of my favorite words ever.

3. He rubs it in her face that Nicole only spent forty-five minutes in the clink.

4. This one is easy to miss because it's mainly set-up for what comes next...but when she tells him she was born in New York, he responds with "good for you!" Though she eventually realizes he's fucking with her, I doubt she caught that barb...because for Paris, being born was an accomplishment.

5. After she tries to steer the topic over to her current "projects," he tells her:

In all seriousness, this could be your legacy...as a contribution to the young people of this country.



What? Did he just highlight her life's utter vacuity and call her out on her failure to deliver on promises of charitable projects both at once? Yes, yes he did.

6. In the same tone of voice you'd use on a five-year-old, he asks "do you know what you did?" Points off for laughing at his own joke, though.

7. He won't stop when she tells him to! She keeps looking off to the right to see if anyone is going to tackle him, and, finding herself alone, squirms in her seat like a little kid, then pouts in a hilarious self-caricature.

8. Without skipping a beat, he asks if her heckler is somebody she met in prison.

9. He drinks the bitch's perfume, as if to say "You picked out the bottle yourself? O RLY?" This also calls attention to the fact that perfume is just alcohol you rub on yourself.

10. Even when Dave lets her talk about her "projects," the audience cannot stop laughing at the elaborate, postmodern joke that is her existence.

The reason I write about this shit, and the reason any self-respecting comedian performs satire on current events, is to make us laugh at the same time that we realize the sheer absurdity of the world around us, and maybe decide to do something about it. This was, I hope, the Paris Hilton interview to end all Paris Hilton interviews. In the wake of this dressing-down, the bitch would have to be crazy to do another one until after she actually accomplishes something. She probably will anyway, but one can only dream.

Now go read some real blogs and find out what's happening in Iraq.

 

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Comments
Formus

Formus

Milwaukee, WI
May 2007

SEP 30, 2007 12:29 PM

DJPJ69Camaro said:
I don't believe that she didn't have the balogna.



Fixed.

OctEgon

OctEgon

Tustin, CA
July 2005

SEP 30, 2007 12:47 PM

Wasn't her DUI the result of her leaving the SG 5 Year Anniversary party after being mocked there as well?

"The Circle Is Complete"

big_trouble

big_trouble

Ann Arbor, MI
OLD SKOOL

SEP 30, 2007 01:57 PM

He was like a kid w/ markers and the biggest, blank-est (heh, BLANK) white wall ever. It was fantastic.

"This is where we are different"

bairdduvessa

bairdduvessa

Centerville, MA
April 2005

SEP 30, 2007 02:11 PM

as much as i don't care for her, i thought she handled herself well.

PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

SEP 30, 2007 02:20 PM

Gillionaire said:

PointBlank said:
Making fun of Paris Hilton is very hard. Until now, I'd never heard anyone do it.

Way to go, Dave.



Well, most people don't do it right to her face, though. So I think he deserves some credit.



Not that impressive. Now that she's a universal punching bag, he piles on as well, but waited until now to do it. How many times has he had her on the show?

Funny for a lame, "used to be funny" sort of guy, but not really funny.

legman

legman

Portland, OR
February 2006

SEP 30, 2007 02:46 PM

hahaha! biggrin

Gringo

Gringo

Spokane, WA
May 2006

SEP 30, 2007 04:41 PM

I thought Paris Hilton's "That's hot" line was one of the most stupid, over-played, repetitive things I've heard......until I saw David's stupid, over-played, repetitive attempt at a funny interview.

Gringo

Gringo

Spokane, WA
May 2006

SEP 30, 2007 04:41 PM

EDIT

I see SG still hasn't fixed the double post bug.

Taxidermyd

Taxidermyd

Los Angeles, CA
February 2007

SEP 30, 2007 06:23 PM

I was at a private party here in LA and Paris tried to have her bodyguard remove all the women from the bathroom so she could use it alone. This caused a tiny scene, so the manager of the place came over and told her she could not do that and please refrain from having the male bodyguard venture in to the women's facilities. She argued a bit and then succumbed and used the toilet like everyone else, though in my mind I imagined her unfolding a gold toilet seat cover from her purse first. As soon as she walked away, the manager glanced at me and my friend and said " I would have told her we have private bathrooms upstairs if she wasn't acting like such a bitch." That made my night extra special.

ardour

ardour

Ottawa, ON
March 2006

SEP 30, 2007 08:22 PM

Ainur said:
I have to jump on the Craig Ferguson bandwagon too. His monologue and most of his skits are hilarious. He doesn't have the interview skills that Dave has, or Carson had, though.



Might have something to do with the guests he gets.



For example, he is HILARIOUS here.

Personally, I don't find most of his skits very funny. Well, the ones that involve a second person, anyway. The stuff he does by himself can actually be pretty good.

JennyLou

JennyLou

Danvers, MA
December 2002

SEP 30, 2007 09:26 PM

I avoided watching this because I thought it would be a sad sad experience... but I actually couldn't stop laughing!

"This is where you and I are different because this is all I want to talk about."
Best line ever!

She's in another horror film... please say she gets brutally killed in this one! It makes me sad and dissapointed that Sarah Brightman and Anthony Stewart Head are willing to do a film with her though.

JunkyardAngel

JunkyardAngel

San Gabriel, CA
February 2006

OCT 01, 2007 10:19 AM

bairdduvessa said:
as much as i don't care for her, i thought she handled herself well.



I agree. As funny as I thought the parakeet line was (and the "This is where you and I are different." line) - she did handle it well.

Unfortunately, I have also had my own albeit remote run-in with her (she abandoned some animals that my rescue took in - just off and left them in a box, under her bed, without telling anyone they where there!), so I think she is just a sadly, but fundamentally flawed individual.

trail

trail

I'm lost
October 2003

OCT 01, 2007 10:57 AM

man, I really like Letterman and thought this was a classically persistent interview by the DL, but you kind of ruined it for me w/ this whole backhanded compliment set up here. I really think you give a lot more a shit about Paris Hilton than even Paris does.

burtsmithers

burtsmithers

I'm lost
October 2006

OCT 01, 2007 05:23 PM

thefreak said:

Formus said:
He doesn't do it as well as Johnny Carson, but pretty damn close.


Little trivia tidbit...

Apparently, Carson considered Letterman to be the one that should've succeeded him. He also sent Dave jokes for the monologue from time to time.

Here's a vid of Carson making a surprise appearance on The Late Show.


He can't even get a word out over the ovation.

-TM





That was pretty cool. But even more amazing... Paul Schaffer(?) has hair in that video... just thought I'd point that out for those that didn't watch it that long or at all.



But this article and video of paris on letterman is just.. wow. Dave is great, I do like him but that right there just made him the King (second to Conan but still). If all that is wrong with this country became a collective group, its CEO and spokesbitchimeanpersonimeanwomanimeanbitch would be Paris. She represents all that is soulless and wrong and still is praised for what she does (wtf does she do?) and praised for waaaay to long now. This is how I know that the movie Idiocracy was more than a movie but a prophecy maybe.


Since I started typing this rant I have been drinking and kind of forgot where I was going so Im going to stop sitting in front of idiot box 2.0 and go drink more.


But I leave you with this another thing wrong with the world...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyBEU0afDiA

Squire

Squire

I'm lost
November 2003

OCT 01, 2007 07:52 PM

Uma, Oprah.

Oprah, Uma.

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