That's right, two projects to choose from. Perhaps the single most important decision facing anyone who routinely avoids important decisons.

Transformers inspired? Perhaps in this version, K.I.T.T. transforms into a watchable show... Sorry.

There was an evil car, named, appropriately enough, K.A.R.R. There was also an evil semi-truck dubbed, "Goliath," who was piloted by the evil nemesis of Michael Knight, Garthe Knight. Played, of course, by a goateed Hasselhoff.

The main problem with this idea is "man with a supercar," has been one-upped already. Is two-upped a word? If it is, I can think of no better place for it than right here in this sentence. Robocop was a guy with the supercar inside him. So was Terminator. As is Bionic Woman.

Who wants to watch a guy mouth off to a biker, and then run back to the safety of his bullet-proof car?

Who wants to watch a guy who needs to smash through a wall that exact second to catch fleeing bad guys... call his car on a "digital" watch, so it can come smash through the wall for him, in a manner resembling every other car crash on every other show ever? Not me.

On a side note -- boy, we've sure come a long way as a society since the days of revealing a character's "evilness" with the use of a goatee... I'm much more comfortable with its current usage, as a signifier of desperation. We can all agree, the goatee is truly the crutch of the ugly man.

Yes, who better to take the reins of a premise from one of the most gifted comedic minds of the last 15 years, than Ryan Seacrest. I understand that mocking this mannequin has come almost full circle to where, at his mention, people now feel compelled to say that he "does a good job on Idol." But, I don't think it's out of line for me to point out that NOTHING ABOUT HIM NOR ANYTHING ASSOCIATED HIM IS EVEN REMOTELY APPROACHING "FUNNY."

A conversation I imagine played out like this:

Hoff: It's true... I've seen some stuff. Heh, I'll tell you what would make a great TV show, my life that's the show...

Hoff Buddy: (sips Diet Coke)

Hoff: Right?

Hoff Buddy: (greets the slurp sound indicating his cup is empty with an oh so subtle grimace, then) - Yeah... No, yeah...

Hoff: That's a show. (laughs) Right there. Money in the ba-

Hoff Buddy: So, a lot of funny stuff happens to you, does it?

Hoff: Does it?!

Huff Buddy: (beat, then) Are you asking me, or... telling me it does. Cause I've known you for years and-

Effeminate Voice: Michael come in! I need you in the alley!

Hoff: Gotta run partner, think about my idea! (to watch) On my way!

Hoff leaps up, races across the yard, and begins climbing a trellis.




TheCoolerKing regrets that his rich Asian blood prevents him from growing a goatee, as he'd enjoy growing one just for the shear (hah!) pleasure of shaving it off.