Leave Chris Crocker Alone...He's Real!

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I'm pretty sure most of you who go for this type of shit have seen Chris Crocker's YouTube video titled "Leave Britney Alone!" by now. It's so painful to watch that I'm not even going to embed it here...but in case you don't know, here's a brief description: boy in waterproof eye makeup gets so mad at everyone dissing Britney's shit-tastic VMA performance that he hides in a pillow fort and cries into his video camera, which seems to have become the MySpace generation's substitute for the mirror/teddy bear/friend. Watching it made me squirm a little, and, like most people accustomed to spot-on parodies and lonelygirl15, I assumed it was just some performance artist's meta-commentary on how celebrity is generated in our culture. This let me laugh at the video without having to feel bad for laughing at a real life, bonafied person-with-issues.

Then Seattle newspaper The Stranger came out with this article. It's very convincing, to say the least. Unless the newspaper is pulling a huge hoax, it confirms what none of us wants to believe: Chris Crocker is real. He is really Southern, really unhappy, and though his videos are silly, he has a really serious hope riding on them: to get the hell out of the hateful, conservative rural town that he is somehow a product of. He is trying to parlay his YouTube celebrity into an actual career in entertainment and an escape from his current environs to LA, a magical place with cute gay boys everywhere, no homophobia (except on the TV shows that get made there), mountains of candy, and prancing, phallic, unicorns.

Will it work for Chris? The article points out a few obstacles to his success; he's all over the place, tough to define, too uncensored, etc. But I think the author left out the biggest one of all: he makes us uncomfortable. He comes from a place most urban liberals wish to reach out to, yet at the same time feel lucky not to have been born in. He reminds us of problems that are real and not all that funny--gay bashing; Matthew Shepherd; our own government's repeated failure to grant gays their basic rights. There is an underlying angst and desperation to even Chris' most clownish of videos (not to mention his manic freak-out over a celebrity he's never met) and this makes it harder to laugh at them. Though America loves to laugh at uncomfortable shit--Sarah Silverman saying "Joe Franklin raped me" was probably the funniest moment in The Aristocrats--think about how you'd feel if you knew Joe Franklin actually had raped her...a bit of a buzz kill, innit?

If he is going to make it as a comedic actor, he needs to shore up the cracks in his edifice, which will probably mean becoming a shameless self-parody a-la Andy Dick. Given Chris' embarrassing excess--err, bounty of emotion, this will be difficult to accomplish. I think he would be better suited to dramatic roles in which his traumatic experiences would be a help, not a hindrance, in connecting with his audience. What I really hope DOES NOT happen--and what very possibly might--is that this kid proves un-talented at making us either laugh or cry and becomes one of those obnoxious meta-celebrities who is famous for basically nothing. He gets photographed with Amanda Lepore and Richie Rich (who he sort of looks like) until the fickle party world gets sick of him and he ends up drinking himself to death back at grandma's house.

Or maybe he will turn out to be funny. Prove me wrong, Chris! I really do hope your life improves and that you do not squander the good will I currently bear you by turning into an awful little party monster.

And in case you missed it...this brilliant little parody has deepened the eternal love I carry in my loins for Seth Green just a little bit more.

web address: http://suicidegirls.com/news/celeb/22293/Leave-Chris-Crocker-Alone...Hes-Real/