The VMAskdfjtglneyitkpiwetk/xcv.

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Sorry about the title -- I think my head crashed into my computer while thinking back to the show.

So, here's the thing -- I'm old.
And here's why:
I recognized roughly point eight percent of the "musicians" and "actors" appearing on the VMA's last night. And for those of you who had better things to do -- like say, mop your kitchen floors or wax your scrotum -- you missed the following:

1. A big-bellied, dead-eyed, Chriss Angel-coached Britney stumble around on-stage like a zombie.
2. Alicia Keys sing OFF-key in a skin-tight cat-suit which showcased her—let's be frank—SHOCKINGLY beefy thighs. Her pear-shape was only to be outdone by Nelly Furtado who closed the show by singing roughly 4 bars of a totally forgettable song.
3. Rihanna remind America that no one knows or cares who she is.
4. Chris Brown rip off Michael Jackson in an electrifyingly awesome way.
5. Seth Rogan and Bill Hader only slightly try to disguise their total disdain for everything and everyone involved in the entire evening.
6. Kid Rock and Tommy Lee get into a full-on fist fight which was the only interesting thing that happened all evening, but sadly wasn't included in the show. See some random camera capture the disappointing brawl here.
7. Dr. Dre reveal that he has the largest trapezius muscles of any man alive.
8. How NOT to produce a televised award show.

This tossed-together, two-hours-I'll-never-get-back snooze-fest made me long for the days of bearded Jim Carreys and angry Fiona Apples and threeway lesbian Madonnas.
Who knew I could be nostalgic for such mediocrity?

Ps: Because I will champion Britney Spears until the day she literally starts letting her three and one-year-old sons smoke cigarettes and wield knives, my personal theory is that her shaky performance was due to her mad-high, unstable boots. Typically, she's done her nude suit-wearing, python-molesting, pigtail-strutting while sporting ever-stable tennis shoes.
Thoughts?

web address: http://suicidegirls.com/news/celeb/22261/The-VMAskdfjtglneyitkpiwetkxcv./